Last year for Valentine’s Day Matthew and I decided to lay low, spend the day together and keep things low-key. We didn’t go out of town, or spend a lot of money – with our wedding in October we were on a tighter budget. So after a day of bike riding and making our own pizza dough for Vegan Pizza we sat down on the couch and I handed him an envelope and small gift.
Matthew opened the card, the gift, thanked me profusely, kissed me and said “I..uh…I don’t have anything for you.” Slowly my eyes filled with tears that soon spilled over onto my cheeks like a light rain. How is this possible? I kept thinking. Here I was in the best relationship of my life, my soul mate, the easiest relationship ever, and for Valentine’s Day he got me nothing?
The light rain of tears gained the force of a powerful storm and the only words I could squeak out were “I just need to feel what I’m feeling.” I got up, went to the bedroom and shut the door. I threw myself on the bed and sobbed like a baby. It was inconceivable, Matthew had broken my heart.
Shortly thereafter there was a knock on the door and my Beloved entered with his head low and a heavy heart. “I am so sorry,” he said with tears in his eyes. “I thought since we said we were laying low that we were not exchanging gifts. I blew it. I am so sorry.”
I cried in his arms as he stroked my hair and begged for forgiveness. Finally, I looked up at him and said, “I just never thought you would break my heart.”
The next day I got down to my car to find a note that read, “I love you, Baby and I am truly sorry. I know that we will grow stronger because of this. Just know that I am in mourning for your broken heart. Your Soul Mate, Matthew xoxo.”
I had stated on many occasions how much I would enjoy receiving notes, so finding a note on my car – scribbled on the back of a deposit envelope – really did illustrate thoughtfulness and effort.
Later that evening I was given a card – not a Valentine’s Day Card – rather a simple card with a cookie on the front (when asked what was my favorite kind of cake, my answer is often “COOKIES!”) and a note inside informing me that I am the first-ever recipient of: Orna Appreciation Month!
For the next THIRTY-ONE days I received a card or a note that showered appreciation on one aspect of my being. For Thirty-One Days.
I had the expectation of a card. One card. What I received was thirty-one cards/notes. I was thrilled and so excited to receive the first, second, third…oh, and by the fourth I was realizing that I had to literally expand my capacity to receive because Matthew had just gotten started.
There were nights I was so tired and worked so long that I had forgotten completely, only to find a card under my pillow.
The cards and notes continued and continued. When I thought, “He must simply be out of ideas,” or “How can he keep coming up with something new?” they continued. When I was crabby or cranky or dare I label it PMS, they continued. For a full, longest month on the calendar, I was showered with appreciation.
The cards were funny, touching, sentimental, they made me cry, they made me uncomfortable because I was not used to receiving this much. Was I worthy? Oh, I share with you to my own amazement, I was worthy! I was worthy of allowing this man to love me.
Someone told me a long time ago that when your heart breaks it actually breaks open to hold more love. That is exactly what happened to my heart last year. Matthew did break my heart, and because of it my heart is bigger and fuller and able to hold more love.
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