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With Valentine's Day just around the corner, we wanted to share our process that we use to help you create love on purpose.  We'll outline the 7 stages you need to master and give you some tips for making it happen.

7 Steps to Creating Love On Purpose 

1.  Discover Your Past Patterns in Relationship and Release Them

We learn how to receive love at an early age from people who are flawed.  So we learn that love is conditional.  We then play this pattern out in our intimate relationships.  You must identify this pattern so that you recognize the pattern you are stuck in and what needs to change.  

Once you recognize the pattern, you have to make the conscious effort to end it.  Stop saying yes when you mean no.  Draw a clear boundary and enforce it.  

2.  Forgive Yourself, Forgive Others, and Move On

There is a saying, "Holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."  Stop holding onto the anger and resentment of the past.  The only way to do this is to practice forgiveness.

Forgive yourself, forgive the other people who have betrayed, abandoned, and disappointed you.  Discover what the lesson was for you to learn, be grateful to have that knowledge and experience and move on!  Learn from the past, forgive and move on.  Finding lasting love is about what your heart truly desires.

Try this practice:  Hold your hands on your heart, close your eyes and picture the person you wish to forgive (it could be you).  Say to that person, "Please forgive me. I'm sorry. Thank you. I love you," over and over again until you feel the energy shift.

3.  Learn to Love and Accept All the Parts of You, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

This means realizing that there are no conditions necessary for you to be loved.  We keep saying it over and over, the mere fact that you exist is enough - you are worth loving.  There is nothing you need to do or be.  Start by loving yourself unconditionally - love and accept all the parts of you - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Start using these affirmations on a daily basis:  "I love and accept myself."  "I am worthy of respectful love."  "There is enough love for everyone, including me."  Say these daily many, many times and watch your life change.

4. Live, Feel, and Express Authentically

Stop twisting into a pretzel to receive love.  If you want someone to love you for who you are, no strings attached, then you must be authentic.  Many of us try to figure out what the other person wants and attempt to become it.  That is a recipe for disaster.  It is also not fair to the person you are with.

Express your feelings authentically.  Take responsibility for them.  Ask for what you want and need.  This is the path to receive love for who you truly are.

5.  Be Committed to Your Own Personal Growth (Never Sacrifice Yourself)

Whatever your spiritual path may be, commit to it fully.  This is your path to wholeness.  Only by becoming whole yourself will you attract another whole person.  In relationship, water seeks its own level - if you want to create a lasting relationship, do the work to move forward on your journey and you will surely meet your partner along the way.

Start a practice of inner child dates.  Take your inner child out once a week doing something that s/he would love to do.  Let your inner child pick the activity.  This will help you get back in touch with an important part of yourself and create a new rapport with yourself so that when you are in a relationship you will not abandon you.

6.  Make A List of Qualities You Desire in a Partner And Embody Those Qualities

Be very specific.  Focus on values, personality traits and internal qualities, not on physical traits or external qualities.  If it is important that your soul mate be successful, then focus on the qualities that made him that way, not the amount of money he makes.   Then go through the list and ask yourself: "Do I hold/have this quality?"  If not, how can you cultivate it? 

In order to manifest what you desire you must first vibrate at that frequency.  If you are looking for a man to fulfill parts of you that are lacking, then you are creating a co-dependent and unhealthy relationship.  Become whole and attract another whole person to you.

7.  Visualize and Manifest What You Desire 

If we can't see it we can't create it.  This is a truth for everyone.  If you don't know what a true soul partnership looks like, you can't create it.  Get clear on what it will look like for you and focus on that vision everyday.

Love is not something that happens accidentally.  You aren't going to bump into the love of your life in the supermarket and intuitively know how to make it work.  Love, just like anything important, requires you to be intentional and take action on those intentions.  Taking the time to implement these changes in itself is a bold act that will create love in your life.  

Often times in relationship we have expectations.  Sometimes we are not even aware of our expectations.

Last year for Valentine’s Day Matthew and I decided to lay low, spend the day together and keep things low-key.  We didn’t go out of town, or spend a lot of money – with our wedding in October we were on a tighter budget.  So after a day of bike riding and making our own pizza dough for Vegan Pizza we sat down on the couch and I handed him an envelope and small gift. 

Matthew opened the card, the gift, thanked me profusely, kissed me and said “I..uh…I don’t have anything for you.”  Slowly my eyes filled with tears that soon spilled over onto my cheeks like a light rain.  How is this possible? I kept thinking.  Here I was in the best relationship of my life, my soul mate, the easiest relationship ever, and for Valentine’s Day he got me nothing?

The light rain of tears gained the force of a powerful storm and the only words I could squeak out were “I just need to feel what I’m feeling.”  I got up, went to the bedroom and shut the door.  I threw myself on the bed and sobbed like a baby.  It was inconceivable, Matthew had broken my heart. 

Shortly thereafter there was a knock on the door and my Beloved entered with his head low and a heavy heart.  “I am so sorry,” he said with tears in his eyes.  “I thought since we said we were laying low that we were not exchanging gifts. I blew it. I am so sorry.”

I cried in his arms as he stroked my hair and begged for forgiveness.  Finally, I looked up at him and said, “I just never thought you would break my heart.”

The next day I got down to my car to find a note that read, “I love you, Baby and I am truly sorry.  I know that we will grow stronger because of this.  Just know that I am in mourning for your broken heart. Your Soul Mate, Matthew xoxo.”

I had stated on many occasions how much I would enjoy receiving notes, so finding a note on my car – scribbled on the back of a deposit envelope – really did illustrate thoughtfulness and effort. 

Later that evening I was given a card – not a Valentine’s Day Card – rather a simple card with a cookie on the front (when asked what was my favorite kind of cake, my answer is often “COOKIES!”) and a note inside informing me that I am the first-ever recipient of: Orna Appreciation Month!

For the next THIRTY-ONE days I received a card or a note that showered appreciation on one aspect of my being.  For Thirty-One Days. 

I had the expectation of a card.  One card.  What I received was thirty-one cards/notes.  I was thrilled and so excited to receive the first, second, third…oh, and by the fourth I was realizing that I had to literally expand my capacity to receive because Matthew had just gotten started.

There were nights I was so tired and worked so long that I had forgotten completely, only to find a card under my pillow. 

The cards and notes continued and continued.  When I thought, “He must simply be out of ideas,” or “How can he keep coming up with something new?” they continued.  When I was crabby or cranky or dare I label it PMS, they continued.  For a full, longest month on the calendar, I was showered with appreciation. 

The cards were funny, touching, sentimental, they made me cry, they made me uncomfortable because I was not used to receiving this much.  Was I worthy?  Oh, I share with you to my own amazement, I was worthy!  I was worthy of allowing this man to love me. 

Someone told me a long time ago that when your heart breaks it actually breaks open to hold more love.  That is exactly what happened to my heart last year.  Matthew did break my heart, and because of it my heart is bigger and fuller and able to hold more love.