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5 Steps to Manifesting Your Soul Mate

If you desire true soul partnership, there is a clear path to finding that special person.  Follow this blueprint and you will surely find love:

1.   Let go of the past.  

Forgive yourself, forgive the other people who have betrayed, abandoned, and disappointed you.  Discover what the lesson was for you to learn, be grateful to have that knowledge and experience and move on!  When we are focused on past hurts and disappointments then we are choosing our current mates based on what we don’t want.  Your last boyfriend cheated?  You better make sure the next one is honest and faithful.  This way of thinking will keep you in that old pattern.  Learn from the past, forgive and move on.  Finding your soul mate is about what your heart truly desires.

2.  Treat yourself how you wish to be treated.  

There is no wiggle room here.  If what you desire is respectful love, then you must be giving that love to yourself.  Embrace all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and even the ugly.  You must be willing to give yourself the same love and acceptance that you are looking for in your mate. When you embrace this then you become available for the love you most desire.  This also means that you live your life the same way you would if you already had what you desired.  So many people put off living fully until the right conditions are in place.  Besides, living your life this way will most likely put you in places where you will meet that person who shares your likes, interests, lifestyle, etc.

3.  Be committed to your personal and spiritual growth.  

Whatever your spiritual path may be, commit to it fully.  This is your path to wholeness.  Only by becoming whole yourself will you attract another whole person.  In relationship, water seeks its own level – if you want a Soul Mate, do the work to move forward on your journey and you will surely meet your partner along the way.

4.  Make a list of qualities that you want your partner to have.  

Be very specific.  Focus on values, personality traits and internal qualities, not on physical traits or external qualities.  If it is important that your soul mate be successful, then focus on the qualities that made him that way, not the amount of money he makes.  You want to focus on who he is, not what he does or looks like.  Then go through the list and ask yourself: - “Do I hold/have this quality? If not, how can you cultivate it?  Then start cultivating those qualities.  Be the person you are seeking to be with.  This is not about him completing you.  One plus one does not equal one. You are complete and whole within yourself.

5.   Do not settle!

It is possible for you to have everything you want in relationship.  If what you desire is a true soul partnership then the Law of Polarity says that you would not have the desire if it wasn’t possible for that desire to be fulfilled.  Keep your eye on the prize!  When you waste time with someone who is not what you truly desire, then you are telling the universe that you don’t really want a soul mate.  You are telling the universe that you don’t deserve a soul mate.  And you are cheating yourself and the man you are with.  Stop wasting time with good enough, and go for what is in your heart’s desire!

Do You Know How to Grow Together Rather Than Apart?

Do you and your partner have a common goal in your relationship?  Did you ever?  People come together because of shared attraction and companionship and over time as you grow together you make a deeper commitment to the relationship.  But did you ever discuss your shared goals, your desires, your dreams of your life together?

Maybe you just entered into your relationship the same way you entered your current job.  You needed a job to pay your bills.  The longer you worked there, the more comfortable you became in your position, you advanced and eventually you had a nice pension.  But did that job serve your soul?  Did it serve your natural talents and abilities?  Or maybe it just paid the bills and allowed you to buy a house and feed your family.

Relationships can develop along those same lines.  But does this relationship serve your soul?  Does it feed your curiosity and your creativity?  Mutual attraction and similar likes and dislikes are helpful in a relationship, but that is often not enough over the years to help you grow together.

We believe in relationship as the next step in our personal and spiritual growth.  Both Orna and I believe we could be happy and fulfilled alone.  We waited until we were past forty to marry.  However, we both wanted to continue to grow; to be the best versions of ourselves that we could be.  And we knew that required a partner.  Someone to reflect back our better selves and our highest potential.

It is so enriching to have a shared vision, a common goal in relationship.  It gives you a guidepost for the journey and helps you stay on the same page.  It is easy for one person to outgrow the other if you are not both clear on what you are creating together.  That doesn’t mean that like Orna and myself you also develop a business together, but it does mean that you both decide what is important to you and what is necessary for your satisfaction.

A couple days after our wedding Orna and I went to one of our favorite places in Los Angeles, the Self Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine.  This is a beautiful and holy place.  We did a short meditation together and then we took our guest book from our wedding, opened it to the empty pages in the back and began to write.  We each alternated writing  a single vision of what we desired from our partnership until we both felt complete.

We plan on returning to that same spot on our yearly anniversary to review and update the list; checking off things we’ve completed and adding the next steps in the vision.  In this way we can track our goals continue to grow together.

If we knew about this exercise earlier we would’ve done it long before our wedding.  It was suggested to us to do at our wedding and we loved the idea.  Do it when you both have committed to the relationship.  And add to it each year.  

 
 

Here’s a question from Shatz that we feel is so common that we’d like to start a discussion around it…

“Hi first let me say, I love your articles and I use your suggestions an awful lot:)
I just wanted to know one thing I read your article this morning and it was me totally because, I have had very unhealthy relationships in the past. physically,mentally, verbally, sexually abused I work on all of this everyday and try my best to not get triggered when my boyfriend has nothing to do with any of this, He is the most healthiest relationship we have both ever had..But I do get triggered and I remember one time he said, I am not I'll use bob that floored me..I took a step back hurt somewhat and he was right that was a trigger of my past. my question is how do i communicate that with him? I know its not my past relationship but being hurt with words so many times I just can't seem to help my self...please help”

Here’s our answer:

We are thrilled to hear that you are using our tools and that you are in a healthy relationship currently. All of us have past experiences that affect our behavior.  This is such a powerful question because HOW do we separate what is happening NOW vs. what occurred in the PAST.

It is important to communicate how you feel in the moment by following our template:

I feel ___________.
When you _____________.
Can we please ______________?

When you are triggered in the moment, take a deep breath.  Look at your partner.  Communicate your FEELINGS in that moment.  

When you use the template above, you are not only taking responsibility for your feelings, you are offering a resolution.  Sometimes the “Can we please…” can be “Would you please…” if you wish to ask something of your partner to assist you.

We know that when the emotion is out of proportion to the current situation that can be a clue that you’ve been triggered by past events.

The key is to realize that you are the one who is responsible for your feelings, not anyone else.  You have to take that responsibility in how you communicate with your partner.  That is the power in the script we’ve provided.  

Now he may or may not respond the way that you want him to and once again that is not your responsibility.  As long as you are communicating in a way that is not attacking or accusing then you can allow him to react without taking it personally.

Here is an easy way to define it for yourself:  When someone has a problem with you it is their problem.  When you have a problem with someone it is your problem.  

You’ve already acknowledged that you are being triggered because of your past history.  He is also doing the same.  Taking responsibility means owning that this is your stuff coming up and doing some introspection about the source of the reaction, reminding yourself that he is a different person, and getting to the root of the emotional reaction.

Does it come from a need for control or security?  Maybe it comes from a need to be approved of? Or abandonment?  When you realize what the issue really is, then you can begin to break the emotional trance.

Bring yourself into the present moment by becoming aware of the room around you.  Literally “come to your senses” by noticing the colors, feeling your feet on the floor, becoming aware of the sounds going on around you and as you do that ask yourself some questions.

In this moment do I need to be in control?  Do I need to be more secure?  In this moment do I need to approved of?  You may find that in this moment you are secure, you are in control and you are approved of.  Doing this can allow you to let go of the emotional trance and come into the present moment.  Doing this consistently can allow you to break the pattern of the old reaction.

The beautiful thing about communicating how you feel AUTHENTICALLY is that you and your partner do not need to Agree – if you are BOTH AUTHENTIC that is the KEY to real communication, intimacy and where True MAGIC happens.  

Please keep us informed on how this process works for You.

Love and Abundance,
Orna and Matthew

Are you hoping on a wing and a prayer?

 

Hope is a great emotion.  It often brings light into the darkest of places.  There is absolutely no logic in HOPE.  For this reason hoping is a good thing, although sometimes many of us simply hope, and do nothing else.

 

This is often the case when it comes to LOVE.  At my wedding last Saturday a dear friend said several times: “You give me hope!”  I knew what she meant.  I’d been there myself, many times, not just once.  At a lovely wedding, no boyfriend, no date, and feeling so happy for the couple and yet that green-eyed monster of jealousy was lurking over my shoulder.  Hope was all I could muster.

 

Hoping is a great place to start.  You’ll get a lot more mileage out of taking action – even a small action.  Setting an intention is how to begin the process of manifesting what you desire.  Be clear on what you want.  The more details and the more you incorporate your five senses the better.  When you have love in your life what will it FEEL like?  Answer that SPECIFICALLY and then find ways to bring that feeling to life in your day right now!

 

If you are serious about wanting love in your life – real love – life long lasting love, then its time to get serious.  How do you want your lover to treat you?  Once again, be specific.  Are you treating yourself this way already? 

 

Here’s an example from my own life.  I knew I wanted the real deal, real love with a spiritual connection and every time a relationship did not work out I would dissect it to discover the lesson.  I’d ask myself, “What did I learn?”  In the year 2000 a clear piece of my love puzzle came into focus – RESPECT. 

 

I realized that in my family of origin “I love you,” meant I don’t respect you because there were no boundaries.  In order to have respect there must be boundaries.  That boyfriend I had in the year 2000 had a family that loved respectfully.  Certainly every family has their issues, and they had their share, but in this arena they truly excelled. 

 

I did not know how to LOVE RESPECTFULLY.  I set the intention to have respectful love and set myself on a course to learn HOW to love respectfully myself. 

 

Setting an intention that is in alignment with what you truly desire is an action that you must take to create change.  Who do you have to BE to have what you desire?  In what ways can you shift from where you are now to where you want to be?  Again, how you FEEL is everything!

 

So the next time you find yourself HOPING for something – Love, Money, Health – allow that to be the SPARK that ignites action and set a clear intention of what you want.