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When we are in a committed relationship there will be high times and low times, good times and bad.  The idea is to weather the storm – TOGETHER!

The best course of action is to leave space for your partner to feel whatever they may be feeling.  Often we may desire for things to be different.  We wish our partner would forgive our mistakes.  Or we wish we could forgive more quickly and no longer feel anger.  However, leaving space for what is allows for the feelings and the situation to breath.

This doesn’t mean to leave the room, or check out.  It means to allow your partner to feel and express their feelings without taking them personally, or allowing ourselves to be triggered into a defensive stance.

Intimacy does not require agreement.  What we want most of all is to feel heard, seen and loved – and agreement is simply not part of that equation.  Agreement is often an ego desire to get your partner to see your point of view.  Needing agreement in this way can continue to push your partner away and blocking the intimacy that we truly desire.

Every couple will have their disagreements, and arguments, that is normal and part of relating to one another. Its in HOW you have those disagreements and arguments that makes for a lasting loving partnership.

Next time there’s a disagreement in your relationship take a deep breath and simply open the space to really listen to your partner.  What is he saying, exactly?

We know that if we catch ourselves formulating a reply in our mind, then we are not really listening – so be sure to set aside that desire to prepare and step into a receptive place of hearing without judgment or criticism.  

We find it helpful to take turns speaking until the person who is talking says the words, “I’m done.”   It is important to resist the urge to interrupt, defend, or explain.  Just allow each other to say what needs to be said and give the space to listen and hear what is going on with your partner.

If you’ve had a doozey of a fight and things got heated, that’s okay.  Once tempers calm down then propose the opportunity to really talk and utilize the “I’m done” strategy.  

On very rare occasions emotions may take a few days to really come fully to the surface.  Or we may need some time to simply process how we are feeling so we can communicate effectively.  

If you’ve been truly hurt or disappointed – and rightly so – anger may rise to the surface.  Rather then suppress the anger – allow yourself to express it.  Communicate with your partner the need to express.

If you are the one on the receiving end, and did the disappointing (we’ve all been there) simply give your partner the space to express their full range of emotions.  Watch that you don’t project your anger with yourself onto your partner.  

We energetically give permission to one another all the time.  Make it okay for your partner to be sad, hurt, angry – any emotion that is coming up for them is the appropriate emotion.

When we let our defenses down, we can let love in.  Our hearts were not designed to work in stealth mode.  Speaking how we feel is how we create intimacy.  

The next time you have an argument, give yourself and your partner the space to feel your feelings.  It will go a long way towards creating deeper intimacy in your relationship.

Loving someone is in our behavior.  Simply giving your partner the permission to express their feelings is a huge act of love.

A Perfect Game in baseball is rare, so rare that more people have orbited the moon than pitched a perfect game.  I have been a huge baseball fan all my life, for those of you are not aware, a Perfect Game is officially defined by 27 batters up, 27 batters down. No hits, no walks, no errors.

It is vital that the pitcher have the support of his teammates because if a batter reaches any base (even on a fielding error) then there is no “Perfect Game.”

Recently a botched call by an umpire cost Armando Galarraga, a pitcher for the Detroit Tigers, an official Perfect Game. . . and the call was on what would’ve been the final out.

So why am I sharing all this baseball mumbo-jumbo with you?

Well, its because of what occurred at Tigers’ stadium the following night.  The umpire apologized to the pitcher with tears in his eyes and the pitcher forgave him.  

They shared a truly beautiful moment.  

On a personal note, I sent a message on Facebook to someone I was not kind to when I was a teenager.  I was delighted to receive a warm response and a “Friend” request.  

The energy of forgiveness holds a high vibration and its energy expands.  

When we hold grudges and hold onto anger and resentment, that energy contracts.  

Who are you holding a grudge against?  

Do you owe someone an apology?

Maybe its yourself?  

When I find I am judging myself I say out loud “I forgive myself for judging myself for _____________,” and then I fill in the blank.  It not only feels good to say it out loud, it puts my entire being at a higher vibration and cancels any negative dialog out of my subconscious.  

So take a moment today and open up to the energy of forgiveness.  Ah, that feels good, doesn’t it?

Emotions Compound!

Its true, when we feel grief, we feel ALL the losses we’ve had.

When we are betrayed we feel ALL of our betrayals.  It is so important to have clear communication with your partner and not let things build up.

Whomever you are dealing with in the moment is NOT responsible for ALL the betrayals, ALL the times you’ve been angry about ______________. 

You see your subconscious mind stores similar experiences in the same way.  So when you feel grief or anger your subconscious brings up the same program from the past about grief or anger.

Your subconscious not only controls those emotional reactions, it also controls approximately 88-90% of all of your behavior.  Not just the habitual things like how you drive a car or how you brush your teeth.  It also controls any behavior that you don’t make a conscious choice about.  That includes your emotions (when was the last time you CHOSE to get angry).

Have you ever said to someone, “You sound just like my mother when you say that!”  Well, guess what that person isn’t your mother and isn’t trying to treat you like your mother, they are just communicating the way they know how.

YOU are the one who is seeing the similarity in the experience and therefore the issue is yours not your partners (You can watch our video below about how to communicate to your partner when that happens).

So, remember to communicate your emotions as you feel them.  And that way you can avoid the big blowups and develop real lasting intimacy with your partner.