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Are you in relationship with an addict?  Are you a recovering addict trying to get back into a relationship?  Watch us talking with Andrew and Judah at Klean Radio about addiction and relationship:

 

The one thing we all desire is love.  And not just any love, what we truly desire is to be loved for who we really are; to share our life with someone and to feel acceptance from a man who is committed to you.   And yet so many of us struggle to fulfill this desire.

What keeps us from having something that is so important to our happiness?  Usually it’s our behavior that is in conflict with our desire for love.  In order to understand why our true desire is so often sabotaged by our behavior, we have to understand where our behavior comes from.

Upwards of 90% of our behavior is generated from our subconscious mind and our subconscious is responding to our present through the lens of our PAST experiences.  This is why it is so easy to recreate the same experiences over and over and over again.  We learn a strategy for dealing with a situation early on in life and our subconscious applies that strategy to similar situations in the present.  

If our past is filled with heartache because we were betrayed, it’s very easy to attract betrayal yet again.

We hear you, this doesn’t sound like good news. . .

However, once we understand a few things about our hard wiring, we can then focus to create the outcome of our desire – which in this case is LOVE (it will work with anything else that you desire too).

Our ego is committed to Homeostasis – now for those you who either slept through, or ditched science class – homeostasis is the state of keeping things the SAME!  Homeostasis is what keeps your body at a certain temperature, your blood pressure and body temperature within a narrow range, and your behavior consistent from one day to the next.

That’s right, our ego, and every other part of us is committed to keeping things exactly as they are.

Why?

Because right now you are ALIVE.  

Now you may be alive, but you may not be happy, or feeling cared for, or loved. . . and quite frankly your ego doesn’t care.  

Like Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind, should you be able to have a conversation about all this love that you desire would tell you “Frankly, I don’t give a damn!”

Being alive is the priority of our ego and our entire body.  

In order to have LOVE – true soul partnership love – we must be committed to THRIVE!

One way that your ego may sabotage your heart is by convincing you that love must come from ONE person.   No one else can make you feel the way he did.  No one else will treat you the way he did.  These are all lies of the ego.

The Truth is that love is limitless with limitless expressions.  You can choose to create love with any person.  You can choose to feel loved at any moment.  Only our ego stands in the way of love and we look for love in limited ways.

The ego tells you HOW love is supposed to show up in your life.  Your man may show he loves you rather then tell you – and if you are upset that you’re not hearing it, that simply keeps you from experiencing the love he is SHOWING you.  

Our ego also has the need to be right.  Being right and feeling loved are not connected in any way.  When we get stuck in needing to be right in relationship, we fail to see the love that is available to us in the moment.   

Love comes from connection and intimacy and does not require agreement.  

Your ego may also be blocking love because it is holding onto anger and resentment from the past.  Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  Resentment only harms you and your well-being.  

The way out of resentment is to practice forgiveness.  Forgiveness for self and others is a loving act that only attracts more love into your life.  

Become aware of how your ego is getting in the way of you creating love in your life.  By letting spirit be your guide, you can release old patterns and move into limitless love.

When we are in a committed relationship there will be high times and low times, good times and bad.  The idea is to weather the storm – TOGETHER!

The best course of action is to leave space for your partner to feel whatever they may be feeling.  Often we may desire for things to be different.  We wish our partner would forgive our mistakes.  Or we wish we could forgive more quickly and no longer feel anger.  However, leaving space for what is allows for the feelings and the situation to breath.

This doesn’t mean to leave the room, or check out.  It means to allow your partner to feel and express their feelings without taking them personally, or allowing ourselves to be triggered into a defensive stance.

Intimacy does not require agreement.  What we want most of all is to feel heard, seen and loved – and agreement is simply not part of that equation.  Agreement is often an ego desire to get your partner to see your point of view.  Needing agreement in this way can continue to push your partner away and blocking the intimacy that we truly desire.

Every couple will have their disagreements, and arguments, that is normal and part of relating to one another. Its in HOW you have those disagreements and arguments that makes for a lasting loving partnership.

Next time there’s a disagreement in your relationship take a deep breath and simply open the space to really listen to your partner.  What is he saying, exactly?

We know that if we catch ourselves formulating a reply in our mind, then we are not really listening – so be sure to set aside that desire to prepare and step into a receptive place of hearing without judgment or criticism.  

We find it helpful to take turns speaking until the person who is talking says the words, “I’m done.”   It is important to resist the urge to interrupt, defend, or explain.  Just allow each other to say what needs to be said and give the space to listen and hear what is going on with your partner.

If you’ve had a doozey of a fight and things got heated, that’s okay.  Once tempers calm down then propose the opportunity to really talk and utilize the “I’m done” strategy.  

On very rare occasions emotions may take a few days to really come fully to the surface.  Or we may need some time to simply process how we are feeling so we can communicate effectively.  

If you’ve been truly hurt or disappointed – and rightly so – anger may rise to the surface.  Rather then suppress the anger – allow yourself to express it.  Communicate with your partner the need to express.

If you are the one on the receiving end, and did the disappointing (we’ve all been there) simply give your partner the space to express their full range of emotions.  Watch that you don’t project your anger with yourself onto your partner.  

We energetically give permission to one another all the time.  Make it okay for your partner to be sad, hurt, angry – any emotion that is coming up for them is the appropriate emotion.

When we let our defenses down, we can let love in.  Our hearts were not designed to work in stealth mode.  Speaking how we feel is how we create intimacy.  

The next time you have an argument, give yourself and your partner the space to feel your feelings.  It will go a long way towards creating deeper intimacy in your relationship.

Loving someone is in our behavior.  Simply giving your partner the permission to express their feelings is a huge act of love.

5 Steps to Manifesting Your Soul Mate

If you desire true soul partnership, there is a clear path to finding that special person.  Follow this blueprint and you will surely find love:

1.   Let go of the past.  

Forgive yourself, forgive the other people who have betrayed, abandoned, and disappointed you.  Discover what the lesson was for you to learn, be grateful to have that knowledge and experience and move on!  When we are focused on past hurts and disappointments then we are choosing our current mates based on what we don’t want.  Your last boyfriend cheated?  You better make sure the next one is honest and faithful.  This way of thinking will keep you in that old pattern.  Learn from the past, forgive and move on.  Finding your soul mate is about what your heart truly desires.

2.  Treat yourself how you wish to be treated.  

There is no wiggle room here.  If what you desire is respectful love, then you must be giving that love to yourself.  Embrace all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and even the ugly.  You must be willing to give yourself the same love and acceptance that you are looking for in your mate. When you embrace this then you become available for the love you most desire.  This also means that you live your life the same way you would if you already had what you desired.  So many people put off living fully until the right conditions are in place.  Besides, living your life this way will most likely put you in places where you will meet that person who shares your likes, interests, lifestyle, etc.

3.  Be committed to your personal and spiritual growth.  

Whatever your spiritual path may be, commit to it fully.  This is your path to wholeness.  Only by becoming whole yourself will you attract another whole person.  In relationship, water seeks its own level – if you want a Soul Mate, do the work to move forward on your journey and you will surely meet your partner along the way.

4.  Make a list of qualities that you want your partner to have.  

Be very specific.  Focus on values, personality traits and internal qualities, not on physical traits or external qualities.  If it is important that your soul mate be successful, then focus on the qualities that made him that way, not the amount of money he makes.  You want to focus on who he is, not what he does or looks like.  Then go through the list and ask yourself: - “Do I hold/have this quality? If not, how can you cultivate it?  Then start cultivating those qualities.  Be the person you are seeking to be with.  This is not about him completing you.  One plus one does not equal one. You are complete and whole within yourself.

5.   Do not settle!

It is possible for you to have everything you want in relationship.  If what you desire is a true soul partnership then the Law of Polarity says that you would not have the desire if it wasn’t possible for that desire to be fulfilled.  Keep your eye on the prize!  When you waste time with someone who is not what you truly desire, then you are telling the universe that you don’t really want a soul mate.  You are telling the universe that you don’t deserve a soul mate.  And you are cheating yourself and the man you are with.  Stop wasting time with good enough, and go for what is in your heart’s desire!

A Perfect Game in baseball is rare, so rare that more people have orbited the moon than pitched a perfect game.  I have been a huge baseball fan all my life, for those of you are not aware, a Perfect Game is officially defined by 27 batters up, 27 batters down. No hits, no walks, no errors.

It is vital that the pitcher have the support of his teammates because if a batter reaches any base (even on a fielding error) then there is no “Perfect Game.”

Recently a botched call by an umpire cost Armando Galarraga, a pitcher for the Detroit Tigers, an official Perfect Game. . . and the call was on what would’ve been the final out.

So why am I sharing all this baseball mumbo-jumbo with you?

Well, its because of what occurred at Tigers’ stadium the following night.  The umpire apologized to the pitcher with tears in his eyes and the pitcher forgave him.  

They shared a truly beautiful moment.  

On a personal note, I sent a message on Facebook to someone I was not kind to when I was a teenager.  I was delighted to receive a warm response and a “Friend” request.  

The energy of forgiveness holds a high vibration and its energy expands.  

When we hold grudges and hold onto anger and resentment, that energy contracts.  

Who are you holding a grudge against?  

Do you owe someone an apology?

Maybe its yourself?  

When I find I am judging myself I say out loud “I forgive myself for judging myself for _____________,” and then I fill in the blank.  It not only feels good to say it out loud, it puts my entire being at a higher vibration and cancels any negative dialog out of my subconscious.  

So take a moment today and open up to the energy of forgiveness.  Ah, that feels good, doesn’t it?

Often times in relationship we have expectations.  Sometimes we are not even aware of our expectations.

Last year for Valentine’s Day Matthew and I decided to lay low, spend the day together and keep things low-key.  We didn’t go out of town, or spend a lot of money – with our wedding in October we were on a tighter budget.  So after a day of bike riding and making our own pizza dough for Vegan Pizza we sat down on the couch and I handed him an envelope and small gift. 

Matthew opened the card, the gift, thanked me profusely, kissed me and said “I..uh…I don’t have anything for you.”  Slowly my eyes filled with tears that soon spilled over onto my cheeks like a light rain.  How is this possible? I kept thinking.  Here I was in the best relationship of my life, my soul mate, the easiest relationship ever, and for Valentine’s Day he got me nothing?

The light rain of tears gained the force of a powerful storm and the only words I could squeak out were “I just need to feel what I’m feeling.”  I got up, went to the bedroom and shut the door.  I threw myself on the bed and sobbed like a baby.  It was inconceivable, Matthew had broken my heart. 

Shortly thereafter there was a knock on the door and my Beloved entered with his head low and a heavy heart.  “I am so sorry,” he said with tears in his eyes.  “I thought since we said we were laying low that we were not exchanging gifts. I blew it. I am so sorry.”

I cried in his arms as he stroked my hair and begged for forgiveness.  Finally, I looked up at him and said, “I just never thought you would break my heart.”

The next day I got down to my car to find a note that read, “I love you, Baby and I am truly sorry.  I know that we will grow stronger because of this.  Just know that I am in mourning for your broken heart. Your Soul Mate, Matthew xoxo.”

I had stated on many occasions how much I would enjoy receiving notes, so finding a note on my car – scribbled on the back of a deposit envelope – really did illustrate thoughtfulness and effort. 

Later that evening I was given a card – not a Valentine’s Day Card – rather a simple card with a cookie on the front (when asked what was my favorite kind of cake, my answer is often “COOKIES!”) and a note inside informing me that I am the first-ever recipient of: Orna Appreciation Month!

For the next THIRTY-ONE days I received a card or a note that showered appreciation on one aspect of my being.  For Thirty-One Days. 

I had the expectation of a card.  One card.  What I received was thirty-one cards/notes.  I was thrilled and so excited to receive the first, second, third…oh, and by the fourth I was realizing that I had to literally expand my capacity to receive because Matthew had just gotten started.

There were nights I was so tired and worked so long that I had forgotten completely, only to find a card under my pillow. 

The cards and notes continued and continued.  When I thought, “He must simply be out of ideas,” or “How can he keep coming up with something new?” they continued.  When I was crabby or cranky or dare I label it PMS, they continued.  For a full, longest month on the calendar, I was showered with appreciation. 

The cards were funny, touching, sentimental, they made me cry, they made me uncomfortable because I was not used to receiving this much.  Was I worthy?  Oh, I share with you to my own amazement, I was worthy!  I was worthy of allowing this man to love me. 

Someone told me a long time ago that when your heart breaks it actually breaks open to hold more love.  That is exactly what happened to my heart last year.  Matthew did break my heart, and because of it my heart is bigger and fuller and able to hold more love.