Sometimes in regards to relationship we get stuck on the details rather than seeing the big picture. We feel strongly about someone and decide that because of those feelings that we’re “supposed to be with” that person.
Its important to remain focused on the bigger picture and what we truly desire.
Would you choose what you know to be true about what is or isn’t happening with whomever you might be hung up on over your ideal relationship with Mr./Ms. Unknown?
The only way to find out is to “Date to Discover.”
Date to discover things about YOURSELF!
Date to Discover how you feel.
Date to Discover how to be comfortable speaking how you feel.
Date to Discover how to set and keep boundaries.
Date to Discover how to ask for what you want.
Date to Discover your inner dialog.
Have a few people in rotation – date them, and date the world!
Allowing yourself to be in a place of DISCOVERY will open everything up for you.
If someone told you (regardless of the reason) that they are not committed to being with you right now – BELIEVE THEM AND MOVE ON!
You deserve to be with someone who is CRAZY about You!
Release ties to everyone from your past. Release your expectations from everyone in your life presently.
Be clear on the kind of relationship you desire. This is where the details are helpful, not by making a laundry list of qualities, not by placing someone you already know in the picture in your mind, but rather being clear on the details of the RELATIONSHIP, HOW you will FEEL in it, and HOW it will FUNCTION.
The only way to find out is to Date to Discover and keep the focus of your DISCOVERY on YOU!
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Are You Stuck on the Details?
Matthew Walters - Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Dating, Dialog and Discovery!
Orna Walters - Monday, April 05, 2010
Dating, Dialog and Discovery!
I find it interesting how much effort and energy is often put into “where to meet people” when we’re single. I have found with my clients. as well as from my own personal experience, its not about WHERE you are, but more about WHO you are being.
Dating is important for one reason that most people overlook – PRACTICE!
In order to change the patterns that you’ve been living over and over again in relationship its imperative for us to practice that new way of being in the world.
When I was internet-dating I had set one clear intention – to discover things about myself.
If I met someone I was interested in, then that would be icing on the cake. My clear goal was to pay attention to who I was being. How was I different when I was meeting with someone I was attracted to, versus someone with whom I had no spark? How did the presence or lack of that spark shift my internal dialog?
Often times with our clients the desire to find “the one” by internet-dating comes up again and again, and we respond “Its just practice!” (This is true whether the dates come from the internet, or in “regular” life.)
Take that in.
If it is truly just practice, then how would that change your relationship with you?
Ultimately you cannot say or do the “wrong” thing with the Right Person.
When we desire love, we look for it outside of ourselves, yet it must be INSIDE us in order for it to be mirrored back to us.
Years ago, I married myself. I went down to Venice Beach and bought a plain solid silver band, went out to the beach and promised to Love, Honor and Cherish ME! It was incredibly fulfilling and nurturing. Each time I looked at that band, or felt it on my finger, it was a constant reminder of that promise to myself.
Nurturing yourself during the search for love is NOT optional.
If you are truly in a place where you really don’t get out to meet new people, that’s okay. Practice with the people in your life; friends, family, and co-workers. Start to pay attention to what you would like to shift and then practice. Do you judge? Do you get angry? Do you run through what may happen later in the day while you take your morning shower – only to realize that the dialog you’re having is not the one you want, but the one you fear?
The real KEY to shifting on the inside is to pay attention to what you are saying to yourself about yourself. Notice the negative dialog and change it to positive comments that you believe. Pay attention to your inner dialog the way a marathon runner pays attention to their pace.
Discover what you would like to be saying to yourself and say that instead.
I find it interesting how much effort and energy is often put into “where to meet people” when we’re single. I have found with my clients. as well as from my own personal experience, its not about WHERE you are, but more about WHO you are being.
Dating is important for one reason that most people overlook – PRACTICE!
In order to change the patterns that you’ve been living over and over again in relationship its imperative for us to practice that new way of being in the world.
When I was internet-dating I had set one clear intention – to discover things about myself.
If I met someone I was interested in, then that would be icing on the cake. My clear goal was to pay attention to who I was being. How was I different when I was meeting with someone I was attracted to, versus someone with whom I had no spark? How did the presence or lack of that spark shift my internal dialog?
Often times with our clients the desire to find “the one” by internet-dating comes up again and again, and we respond “Its just practice!” (This is true whether the dates come from the internet, or in “regular” life.)
Take that in.
If it is truly just practice, then how would that change your relationship with you?
Ultimately you cannot say or do the “wrong” thing with the Right Person.
When we desire love, we look for it outside of ourselves, yet it must be INSIDE us in order for it to be mirrored back to us.
Years ago, I married myself. I went down to Venice Beach and bought a plain solid silver band, went out to the beach and promised to Love, Honor and Cherish ME! It was incredibly fulfilling and nurturing. Each time I looked at that band, or felt it on my finger, it was a constant reminder of that promise to myself.
Nurturing yourself during the search for love is NOT optional.
If you are truly in a place where you really don’t get out to meet new people, that’s okay. Practice with the people in your life; friends, family, and co-workers. Start to pay attention to what you would like to shift and then practice. Do you judge? Do you get angry? Do you run through what may happen later in the day while you take your morning shower – only to realize that the dialog you’re having is not the one you want, but the one you fear?
The real KEY to shifting on the inside is to pay attention to what you are saying to yourself about yourself. Notice the negative dialog and change it to positive comments that you believe. Pay attention to your inner dialog the way a marathon runner pays attention to their pace.
Discover what you would like to be saying to yourself and say that instead.
Do You Know How to Grow Together Rather Than Apart?
Matthew Walters - Monday, April 05, 2010
Do You Know How to Grow Together Rather Than Apart?
Do you and your partner have a common goal in your relationship? Did you ever? People come together because of shared attraction and companionship and over time as you grow together you make a deeper commitment to the relationship. But did you ever discuss your shared goals, your desires, your dreams of your life together?
Maybe you just entered into your relationship the same way you entered your current job. You needed a job to pay your bills. The longer you worked there, the more comfortable you became in your position, you advanced and eventually you had a nice pension. But did that job serve your soul? Did it serve your natural talents and abilities? Or maybe it just paid the bills and allowed you to buy a house and feed your family.
Relationships can develop along those same lines. But does this relationship serve your soul? Does it feed your curiosity and your creativity? Mutual attraction and similar likes and dislikes are helpful in a relationship, but that is often not enough over the years to help you grow together.
We believe in relationship as the next step in our personal and spiritual growth. Both Orna and I believe we could be happy and fulfilled alone. We waited until we were past forty to marry. However, we both wanted to continue to grow; to be the best versions of ourselves that we could be. And we knew that required a partner. Someone to reflect back our better selves and our highest potential.
It is so enriching to have a shared vision, a common goal in relationship. It gives you a guidepost for the journey and helps you stay on the same page. It is easy for one person to outgrow the other if you are not both clear on what you are creating together. That doesn’t mean that like Orna and myself you also develop a business together, but it does mean that you both decide what is important to you and what is necessary for your satisfaction.
A couple days after our wedding Orna and I went to one of our favorite places in Los Angeles, the Self Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine. This is a beautiful and holy place. We did a short meditation together and then we took our guest book from our wedding, opened it to the empty pages in the back and began to write. We each alternated writing a single vision of what we desired from our partnership until we both felt complete.
We plan on returning to that same spot on our yearly anniversary to review and update the list; checking off things we’ve completed and adding the next steps in the vision. In this way we can track our goals continue to grow together.
If we knew about this exercise earlier we would’ve done it long before our wedding. It was suggested to us to do at our wedding and we loved the idea. Do it when you both have committed to the relationship. And add to it each year.
Do you and your partner have a common goal in your relationship? Did you ever? People come together because of shared attraction and companionship and over time as you grow together you make a deeper commitment to the relationship. But did you ever discuss your shared goals, your desires, your dreams of your life together?
Maybe you just entered into your relationship the same way you entered your current job. You needed a job to pay your bills. The longer you worked there, the more comfortable you became in your position, you advanced and eventually you had a nice pension. But did that job serve your soul? Did it serve your natural talents and abilities? Or maybe it just paid the bills and allowed you to buy a house and feed your family.
Relationships can develop along those same lines. But does this relationship serve your soul? Does it feed your curiosity and your creativity? Mutual attraction and similar likes and dislikes are helpful in a relationship, but that is often not enough over the years to help you grow together.
We believe in relationship as the next step in our personal and spiritual growth. Both Orna and I believe we could be happy and fulfilled alone. We waited until we were past forty to marry. However, we both wanted to continue to grow; to be the best versions of ourselves that we could be. And we knew that required a partner. Someone to reflect back our better selves and our highest potential.
It is so enriching to have a shared vision, a common goal in relationship. It gives you a guidepost for the journey and helps you stay on the same page. It is easy for one person to outgrow the other if you are not both clear on what you are creating together. That doesn’t mean that like Orna and myself you also develop a business together, but it does mean that you both decide what is important to you and what is necessary for your satisfaction.
A couple days after our wedding Orna and I went to one of our favorite places in Los Angeles, the Self Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine. This is a beautiful and holy place. We did a short meditation together and then we took our guest book from our wedding, opened it to the empty pages in the back and began to write. We each alternated writing a single vision of what we desired from our partnership until we both felt complete.
We plan on returning to that same spot on our yearly anniversary to review and update the list; checking off things we’ve completed and adding the next steps in the vision. In this way we can track our goals continue to grow together.
If we knew about this exercise earlier we would’ve done it long before our wedding. It was suggested to us to do at our wedding and we loved the idea. Do it when you both have committed to the relationship. And add to it each year.
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What If You Could Recognize Your Soulmate – And Then… KNOW That He’s YOURS – And That You Could Never Say Or Do ANYTHING “Wrong” With Him?
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You Don’t Have To Settle! Recognizing Mr. Right Will Give You The Map To The Loving Soul mate You Want
You Don’t Have To Settle! Recognizing Mr. Right Will Give You The Map To The Loving Soul mate You Want
