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The one thing we all desire is love.  And not just any love, what we truly desire is to be loved for who we really are; to share our life with someone and to feel acceptance from a man who is committed to you.   And yet so many of us struggle to fulfill this desire.

What keeps us from having something that is so important to our happiness?  Usually it’s our behavior that is in conflict with our desire for love.  In order to understand why our true desire is so often sabotaged by our behavior, we have to understand where our behavior comes from.

Upwards of 90% of our behavior is generated from our subconscious mind and our subconscious is responding to our present through the lens of our PAST experiences.  This is why it is so easy to recreate the same experiences over and over and over again.  We learn a strategy for dealing with a situation early on in life and our subconscious applies that strategy to similar situations in the present.  

If our past is filled with heartache because we were betrayed, it’s very easy to attract betrayal yet again.

We hear you, this doesn’t sound like good news. . .

However, once we understand a few things about our hard wiring, we can then focus to create the outcome of our desire – which in this case is LOVE (it will work with anything else that you desire too).

Our ego is committed to Homeostasis – now for those you who either slept through, or ditched science class – homeostasis is the state of keeping things the SAME!  Homeostasis is what keeps your body at a certain temperature, your blood pressure and body temperature within a narrow range, and your behavior consistent from one day to the next.

That’s right, our ego, and every other part of us is committed to keeping things exactly as they are.

Why?

Because right now you are ALIVE.  

Now you may be alive, but you may not be happy, or feeling cared for, or loved. . . and quite frankly your ego doesn’t care.  

Like Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind, should you be able to have a conversation about all this love that you desire would tell you “Frankly, I don’t give a damn!”

Being alive is the priority of our ego and our entire body.  

In order to have LOVE – true soul partnership love – we must be committed to THRIVE!

One way that your ego may sabotage your heart is by convincing you that love must come from ONE person.   No one else can make you feel the way he did.  No one else will treat you the way he did.  These are all lies of the ego.

The Truth is that love is limitless with limitless expressions.  You can choose to create love with any person.  You can choose to feel loved at any moment.  Only our ego stands in the way of love and we look for love in limited ways.

The ego tells you HOW love is supposed to show up in your life.  Your man may show he loves you rather then tell you – and if you are upset that you’re not hearing it, that simply keeps you from experiencing the love he is SHOWING you.  

Our ego also has the need to be right.  Being right and feeling loved are not connected in any way.  When we get stuck in needing to be right in relationship, we fail to see the love that is available to us in the moment.   

Love comes from connection and intimacy and does not require agreement.  

Your ego may also be blocking love because it is holding onto anger and resentment from the past.  Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  Resentment only harms you and your well-being.  

The way out of resentment is to practice forgiveness.  Forgiveness for self and others is a loving act that only attracts more love into your life.  

Become aware of how your ego is getting in the way of you creating love in your life.  By letting spirit be your guide, you can release old patterns and move into limitless love.

Don't believe the bad Hollywood math!  1+1 does not equal 1!

 

It seems like everyone is talking about Elizabeth Gilbert’s book with the movie starring Julia Roberts only a few weeks away from release.  So what is the message that everyone is buzzing about that is so clearly articulated in the book’s pages?  

Self Love.

That’s right!  The key to having all that we desire all comes down to how we love ourselves.

Here are some questions for you to ponder to discover the level that you truly love yourself:

1.   Do you honor your commitments?
~ Our word must be golden. If we say it, it is done.
2.   Do you take time to refuel?
~ Learning to serve ourselves before others is a skill most of us must learn.
3.   Do you take responsibility for where you are currently?
~ Blame is the enemy.  Notice what is being mirrored back to you when you connect with others.  How we FEEL is an indication of what is going on inside of us.  If we feel a “negative” emotion – what is going on inside us that is creating it?  No one “makes” us feel anything.  The only way out of the “blame game” is to step up and into responsibility.

Our intimate relationships mirror what is going on inside of us.  If we are unable to honor the commitments we make to ourselves then how can we expect someone outside of us to honor their commitments to us?  The reflection we see from the outside is not a direct reflection – it is more like a “Fun House” mirror with a distorted image.

Going back to old behavior will only create more similar experiences like those in our past.  To move forward, we must embrace whatever negative emotion may be coming up for us.  To have a real shift may feel uncomfortable at first. Taking on any new behavior will take some practice.  Trust in the process.

In fact Elizabeth Gilbert has this to say in the book:

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."

So start making a daily effort.  Commit to it.  Do whatever actions are necessary.  And while you are enjoying the fruits of your labor, remember to keep moving in the direction of your inspiration.