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With Valentine's Day just around the corner, we wanted to share our process that we use to help you create love on purpose.  We'll outline the 7 stages you need to master and give you some tips for making it happen.

7 Steps to Creating Love On Purpose 

1.  Discover Your Past Patterns in Relationship and Release Them

We learn how to receive love at an early age from people who are flawed.  So we learn that love is conditional.  We then play this pattern out in our intimate relationships.  You must identify this pattern so that you recognize the pattern you are stuck in and what needs to change.  

Once you recognize the pattern, you have to make the conscious effort to end it.  Stop saying yes when you mean no.  Draw a clear boundary and enforce it.  

2.  Forgive Yourself, Forgive Others, and Move On

There is a saying, "Holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."  Stop holding onto the anger and resentment of the past.  The only way to do this is to practice forgiveness.

Forgive yourself, forgive the other people who have betrayed, abandoned, and disappointed you.  Discover what the lesson was for you to learn, be grateful to have that knowledge and experience and move on!  Learn from the past, forgive and move on.  Finding lasting love is about what your heart truly desires.

Try this practice:  Hold your hands on your heart, close your eyes and picture the person you wish to forgive (it could be you).  Say to that person, "Please forgive me. I'm sorry. Thank you. I love you," over and over again until you feel the energy shift.

3.  Learn to Love and Accept All the Parts of You, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

This means realizing that there are no conditions necessary for you to be loved.  We keep saying it over and over, the mere fact that you exist is enough - you are worth loving.  There is nothing you need to do or be.  Start by loving yourself unconditionally - love and accept all the parts of you - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Start using these affirmations on a daily basis:  "I love and accept myself."  "I am worthy of respectful love."  "There is enough love for everyone, including me."  Say these daily many, many times and watch your life change.

4. Live, Feel, and Express Authentically

Stop twisting into a pretzel to receive love.  If you want someone to love you for who you are, no strings attached, then you must be authentic.  Many of us try to figure out what the other person wants and attempt to become it.  That is a recipe for disaster.  It is also not fair to the person you are with.

Express your feelings authentically.  Take responsibility for them.  Ask for what you want and need.  This is the path to receive love for who you truly are.

5.  Be Committed to Your Own Personal Growth (Never Sacrifice Yourself)

Whatever your spiritual path may be, commit to it fully.  This is your path to wholeness.  Only by becoming whole yourself will you attract another whole person.  In relationship, water seeks its own level - if you want to create a lasting relationship, do the work to move forward on your journey and you will surely meet your partner along the way.

Start a practice of inner child dates.  Take your inner child out once a week doing something that s/he would love to do.  Let your inner child pick the activity.  This will help you get back in touch with an important part of yourself and create a new rapport with yourself so that when you are in a relationship you will not abandon you.

6.  Make A List of Qualities You Desire in a Partner And Embody Those Qualities

Be very specific.  Focus on values, personality traits and internal qualities, not on physical traits or external qualities.  If it is important that your soul mate be successful, then focus on the qualities that made him that way, not the amount of money he makes.   Then go through the list and ask yourself: "Do I hold/have this quality?"  If not, how can you cultivate it? 

In order to manifest what you desire you must first vibrate at that frequency.  If you are looking for a man to fulfill parts of you that are lacking, then you are creating a co-dependent and unhealthy relationship.  Become whole and attract another whole person to you.

7.  Visualize and Manifest What You Desire 

If we can't see it we can't create it.  This is a truth for everyone.  If you don't know what a true soul partnership looks like, you can't create it.  Get clear on what it will look like for you and focus on that vision everyday.

Love is not something that happens accidentally.  You aren't going to bump into the love of your life in the supermarket and intuitively know how to make it work.  Love, just like anything important, requires you to be intentional and take action on those intentions.  Taking the time to implement these changes in itself is a bold act that will create love in your life.  

Are you in relationship with an addict?  Are you a recovering addict trying to get back into a relationship?  Watch us talking with Andrew and Judah at Klean Radio about addiction and relationship:

 

5 Steps to Manifesting Your Soul Mate

If you desire true soul partnership, there is a clear path to finding that special person.  Follow this blueprint and you will surely find love:

1.   Let go of the past.  

Forgive yourself, forgive the other people who have betrayed, abandoned, and disappointed you.  Discover what the lesson was for you to learn, be grateful to have that knowledge and experience and move on!  When we are focused on past hurts and disappointments then we are choosing our current mates based on what we don’t want.  Your last boyfriend cheated?  You better make sure the next one is honest and faithful.  This way of thinking will keep you in that old pattern.  Learn from the past, forgive and move on.  Finding your soul mate is about what your heart truly desires.

2.  Treat yourself how you wish to be treated.  

There is no wiggle room here.  If what you desire is respectful love, then you must be giving that love to yourself.  Embrace all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and even the ugly.  You must be willing to give yourself the same love and acceptance that you are looking for in your mate. When you embrace this then you become available for the love you most desire.  This also means that you live your life the same way you would if you already had what you desired.  So many people put off living fully until the right conditions are in place.  Besides, living your life this way will most likely put you in places where you will meet that person who shares your likes, interests, lifestyle, etc.

3.  Be committed to your personal and spiritual growth.  

Whatever your spiritual path may be, commit to it fully.  This is your path to wholeness.  Only by becoming whole yourself will you attract another whole person.  In relationship, water seeks its own level – if you want a Soul Mate, do the work to move forward on your journey and you will surely meet your partner along the way.

4.  Make a list of qualities that you want your partner to have.  

Be very specific.  Focus on values, personality traits and internal qualities, not on physical traits or external qualities.  If it is important that your soul mate be successful, then focus on the qualities that made him that way, not the amount of money he makes.  You want to focus on who he is, not what he does or looks like.  Then go through the list and ask yourself: - “Do I hold/have this quality? If not, how can you cultivate it?  Then start cultivating those qualities.  Be the person you are seeking to be with.  This is not about him completing you.  One plus one does not equal one. You are complete and whole within yourself.

5.   Do not settle!

It is possible for you to have everything you want in relationship.  If what you desire is a true soul partnership then the Law of Polarity says that you would not have the desire if it wasn’t possible for that desire to be fulfilled.  Keep your eye on the prize!  When you waste time with someone who is not what you truly desire, then you are telling the universe that you don’t really want a soul mate.  You are telling the universe that you don’t deserve a soul mate.  And you are cheating yourself and the man you are with.  Stop wasting time with good enough, and go for what is in your heart’s desire!

Dating, Dialog and Discovery!

I find it interesting how much effort and energy is often put into “where to meet people” when we’re single.  I have found with my clients. as well as from my own personal experience, its not about WHERE you are, but more about WHO you are being.

Dating is important for one reason that most people overlook – PRACTICE!

In order to change the patterns that you’ve been living over and over again in relationship its imperative for us to practice that new way of being in the world.

When I was internet-dating I had set one clear intention – to discover things about myself.  

If I met someone I was interested in, then that would be icing on the cake.  My clear goal was to pay attention to who I was being.  How was I different when I was meeting with someone I was attracted to, versus someone with whom I had no spark?  How did the presence or lack of that spark shift my internal dialog?

Often times with our clients the desire to find “the one” by internet-dating comes up again and again, and we respond “Its just practice!”  (This is true whether the dates come from the internet, or in “regular” life.)

Take that in.  

If it is truly just practice, then how would that change your relationship with you?  

Ultimately you cannot say or do the “wrong” thing with the Right Person.

When we desire love, we look for it outside of ourselves, yet it must be INSIDE us in order for it to be mirrored back to us.

Years ago, I married myself.  I went down to Venice Beach and bought a plain solid silver band, went out to the beach and promised to Love, Honor and Cherish ME!  It was incredibly fulfilling and nurturing.  Each time I looked at that band, or felt it on my finger, it was a constant reminder of that promise to myself.  

Nurturing yourself during the search for love is NOT optional.  

If you are truly in a place where you really don’t get out to meet new people, that’s okay.  Practice with the people in your life; friends, family, and co-workers.  Start to pay attention to what you would like to shift and then practice.  Do you judge?  Do you get angry?  Do you run through what may happen later in the day while you take your morning shower – only to realize that the dialog you’re having is not the one you want, but the one you fear?  

The real KEY to shifting on the inside is to pay attention to what you are saying to yourself about yourself.  Notice the negative dialog and change it to positive comments that you believe.  Pay attention to your inner dialog the way a marathon runner pays attention to their pace.

Discover what you would like to be saying to yourself and say that instead.

Do You Know How to Grow Together Rather Than Apart?

Do you and your partner have a common goal in your relationship?  Did you ever?  People come together because of shared attraction and companionship and over time as you grow together you make a deeper commitment to the relationship.  But did you ever discuss your shared goals, your desires, your dreams of your life together?

Maybe you just entered into your relationship the same way you entered your current job.  You needed a job to pay your bills.  The longer you worked there, the more comfortable you became in your position, you advanced and eventually you had a nice pension.  But did that job serve your soul?  Did it serve your natural talents and abilities?  Or maybe it just paid the bills and allowed you to buy a house and feed your family.

Relationships can develop along those same lines.  But does this relationship serve your soul?  Does it feed your curiosity and your creativity?  Mutual attraction and similar likes and dislikes are helpful in a relationship, but that is often not enough over the years to help you grow together.

We believe in relationship as the next step in our personal and spiritual growth.  Both Orna and I believe we could be happy and fulfilled alone.  We waited until we were past forty to marry.  However, we both wanted to continue to grow; to be the best versions of ourselves that we could be.  And we knew that required a partner.  Someone to reflect back our better selves and our highest potential.

It is so enriching to have a shared vision, a common goal in relationship.  It gives you a guidepost for the journey and helps you stay on the same page.  It is easy for one person to outgrow the other if you are not both clear on what you are creating together.  That doesn’t mean that like Orna and myself you also develop a business together, but it does mean that you both decide what is important to you and what is necessary for your satisfaction.

A couple days after our wedding Orna and I went to one of our favorite places in Los Angeles, the Self Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine.  This is a beautiful and holy place.  We did a short meditation together and then we took our guest book from our wedding, opened it to the empty pages in the back and began to write.  We each alternated writing  a single vision of what we desired from our partnership until we both felt complete.

We plan on returning to that same spot on our yearly anniversary to review and update the list; checking off things we’ve completed and adding the next steps in the vision.  In this way we can track our goals continue to grow together.

If we knew about this exercise earlier we would’ve done it long before our wedding.  It was suggested to us to do at our wedding and we loved the idea.  Do it when you both have committed to the relationship.  And add to it each year.  

 
 

Do You Know How to Love and Value Yourself?

We are strong believers that your ability to attract love in your life is tied to your ability to love and value yourself.  These practices are at the root of creating intentional love.  When you embrace the idea that your experience in the outer world is nothing more than a reflection of your inner world, then it seems obvious that in order to attract and receive the love you desire you need to create that relationship with yourself first.

I can hear you thinking how great that sounds however, what does that look like in practice?  What actions can I take that teach me to love and value myself?  We’re going to start looking at those practices and how to implement them in the next series of blog posts.

The place to start is to begin to examine your relationship with yourself and ask yourself some key questions:

1.  Do I feel that others are always draining my energy?

2.  Do I have a list of actions or activities that I do regularly to replenish myself?

3.  Do I feel any resentment towards important people at home or at work?

4.  Do I set and enforce my personal boundaries?

5.  Do I know what my ideal day would look like?

6.  Do I speak to myself in a harsh or critical tone?

7.  Do I dwell on past mistakes?

8.  Do I focus on what I haven’t yet accomplished?

9.  Am I holding onto unresolved issues from  the past?

10.  Is there anything that I am unwilling to change or let go of in order to get what I want?

11.  Do I take time for myself away from friends and family?

12.  Do I focus on the present and reward myself for how far I’ve come on my journey?

If you answered yes to #’s 1, 3, 6, 7, 8, 9, or 10 then that is a great place to start making changes.  Pick one of these and add it to your New Year’s Resolution list.  In order to avoid becoming overwhelmed, work only on one at a time and be compassionate towards yourself.  There is no time limit for how long it should take to make these changes, its all a process.

If you answered yes to #’s 2, 4, 5, 11, or 12 then you already have some great practices in place.  If you answered no, then these are great actions to add into your daily life.  Once again it is best to take them one at a time.

So today’s tip is to spend time with this list, notice where you are not honoring your needs or hanging onto the past, notice which practices you would like to develop and pick one to focus on for the next 30-60 days.

Let us know how you’re doing.  We’ve set up a forum topic so that you can support one another and keep track of your progress.  Click HERE to post on the forum.

Love and Abundance,

Orna and Matthew

Spa Luce Presents

Orna Banarie & Matthew Walters, C.Ht.

 

They will show You HOW to Create Love On Purpose!

Tuesday, August 18th 7:00pm
$10.00 (all monies donated to Sojourn Shelter for Battered Women)

Orna Banarie and Matthew Walters, C.Ht. and are known as THE Power Couple.  Why?  Orna is a manifestation coach and the GPS for Your Soul.  Matthew is a transformational spiritual teacher and the co-founder of DownloadsForChange.com.  Together they have created a soul partnership and want to share that process with You.

It took Orna and Matthew over 20 years to find each other and they want to share the journey with You so You can create harmonious relationships.  Orna and Matthew are willing to share their stories with you because if it is possible for them, then it is possible for anyone.  And that means it is possible for YOU!

**This is for anyone who is seeking to create the relationship they most desire.  Whether you are in a relationship, have been in a relationship, or want to be in a relationship you will benefit greatly from this work.**

•    Understand why you get the results you get in relationships now
•    Discover the system for breaking your negative patterns
•    Know the one thing you must have in relationship that you must not sacrifice
•    The most important key element in any successful partnership
•    Find out how you can transform your relationship with yourself so that you can undeniably feel loved.

Spa Luce
Renaissance Hollywood Hotel at Hollywood and Highland Center
1755 N Highland Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90028-4403
(323) 491-1376