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With Valentine's Day just around the corner, we wanted to share our process that we use to help you create love on purpose.  We'll outline the 7 stages you need to master and give you some tips for making it happen.

7 Steps to Creating Love On Purpose 

1.  Discover Your Past Patterns in Relationship and Release Them

We learn how to receive love at an early age from people who are flawed.  So we learn that love is conditional.  We then play this pattern out in our intimate relationships.  You must identify this pattern so that you recognize the pattern you are stuck in and what needs to change.  

Once you recognize the pattern, you have to make the conscious effort to end it.  Stop saying yes when you mean no.  Draw a clear boundary and enforce it.  

2.  Forgive Yourself, Forgive Others, and Move On

There is a saying, "Holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die."  Stop holding onto the anger and resentment of the past.  The only way to do this is to practice forgiveness.

Forgive yourself, forgive the other people who have betrayed, abandoned, and disappointed you.  Discover what the lesson was for you to learn, be grateful to have that knowledge and experience and move on!  Learn from the past, forgive and move on.  Finding lasting love is about what your heart truly desires.

Try this practice:  Hold your hands on your heart, close your eyes and picture the person you wish to forgive (it could be you).  Say to that person, "Please forgive me. I'm sorry. Thank you. I love you," over and over again until you feel the energy shift.

3.  Learn to Love and Accept All the Parts of You, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

This means realizing that there are no conditions necessary for you to be loved.  We keep saying it over and over, the mere fact that you exist is enough - you are worth loving.  There is nothing you need to do or be.  Start by loving yourself unconditionally - love and accept all the parts of you - the good, the bad and the ugly.

Start using these affirmations on a daily basis:  "I love and accept myself."  "I am worthy of respectful love."  "There is enough love for everyone, including me."  Say these daily many, many times and watch your life change.

4. Live, Feel, and Express Authentically

Stop twisting into a pretzel to receive love.  If you want someone to love you for who you are, no strings attached, then you must be authentic.  Many of us try to figure out what the other person wants and attempt to become it.  That is a recipe for disaster.  It is also not fair to the person you are with.

Express your feelings authentically.  Take responsibility for them.  Ask for what you want and need.  This is the path to receive love for who you truly are.

5.  Be Committed to Your Own Personal Growth (Never Sacrifice Yourself)

Whatever your spiritual path may be, commit to it fully.  This is your path to wholeness.  Only by becoming whole yourself will you attract another whole person.  In relationship, water seeks its own level - if you want to create a lasting relationship, do the work to move forward on your journey and you will surely meet your partner along the way.

Start a practice of inner child dates.  Take your inner child out once a week doing something that s/he would love to do.  Let your inner child pick the activity.  This will help you get back in touch with an important part of yourself and create a new rapport with yourself so that when you are in a relationship you will not abandon you.

6.  Make A List of Qualities You Desire in a Partner And Embody Those Qualities

Be very specific.  Focus on values, personality traits and internal qualities, not on physical traits or external qualities.  If it is important that your soul mate be successful, then focus on the qualities that made him that way, not the amount of money he makes.   Then go through the list and ask yourself: "Do I hold/have this quality?"  If not, how can you cultivate it? 

In order to manifest what you desire you must first vibrate at that frequency.  If you are looking for a man to fulfill parts of you that are lacking, then you are creating a co-dependent and unhealthy relationship.  Become whole and attract another whole person to you.

7.  Visualize and Manifest What You Desire 

If we can't see it we can't create it.  This is a truth for everyone.  If you don't know what a true soul partnership looks like, you can't create it.  Get clear on what it will look like for you and focus on that vision everyday.

Love is not something that happens accidentally.  You aren't going to bump into the love of your life in the supermarket and intuitively know how to make it work.  Love, just like anything important, requires you to be intentional and take action on those intentions.  Taking the time to implement these changes in itself is a bold act that will create love in your life.  

Are you in relationship with an addict?  Are you a recovering addict trying to get back into a relationship?  Watch us talking with Andrew and Judah at Klean Radio about addiction and relationship:

 

The one thing we all desire is love.  And not just any love, what we truly desire is to be loved for who we really are; to share our life with someone and to feel acceptance from a man who is committed to you.   And yet so many of us struggle to fulfill this desire.

What keeps us from having something that is so important to our happiness?  Usually it’s our behavior that is in conflict with our desire for love.  In order to understand why our true desire is so often sabotaged by our behavior, we have to understand where our behavior comes from.

Upwards of 90% of our behavior is generated from our subconscious mind and our subconscious is responding to our present through the lens of our PAST experiences.  This is why it is so easy to recreate the same experiences over and over and over again.  We learn a strategy for dealing with a situation early on in life and our subconscious applies that strategy to similar situations in the present.  

If our past is filled with heartache because we were betrayed, it’s very easy to attract betrayal yet again.

We hear you, this doesn’t sound like good news. . .

However, once we understand a few things about our hard wiring, we can then focus to create the outcome of our desire – which in this case is LOVE (it will work with anything else that you desire too).

Our ego is committed to Homeostasis – now for those you who either slept through, or ditched science class – homeostasis is the state of keeping things the SAME!  Homeostasis is what keeps your body at a certain temperature, your blood pressure and body temperature within a narrow range, and your behavior consistent from one day to the next.

That’s right, our ego, and every other part of us is committed to keeping things exactly as they are.

Why?

Because right now you are ALIVE.  

Now you may be alive, but you may not be happy, or feeling cared for, or loved. . . and quite frankly your ego doesn’t care.  

Like Rhett Butler in Gone With the Wind, should you be able to have a conversation about all this love that you desire would tell you “Frankly, I don’t give a damn!”

Being alive is the priority of our ego and our entire body.  

In order to have LOVE – true soul partnership love – we must be committed to THRIVE!

One way that your ego may sabotage your heart is by convincing you that love must come from ONE person.   No one else can make you feel the way he did.  No one else will treat you the way he did.  These are all lies of the ego.

The Truth is that love is limitless with limitless expressions.  You can choose to create love with any person.  You can choose to feel loved at any moment.  Only our ego stands in the way of love and we look for love in limited ways.

The ego tells you HOW love is supposed to show up in your life.  Your man may show he loves you rather then tell you – and if you are upset that you’re not hearing it, that simply keeps you from experiencing the love he is SHOWING you.  

Our ego also has the need to be right.  Being right and feeling loved are not connected in any way.  When we get stuck in needing to be right in relationship, we fail to see the love that is available to us in the moment.   

Love comes from connection and intimacy and does not require agreement.  

Your ego may also be blocking love because it is holding onto anger and resentment from the past.  Holding onto resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.  Resentment only harms you and your well-being.  

The way out of resentment is to practice forgiveness.  Forgiveness for self and others is a loving act that only attracts more love into your life.  

Become aware of how your ego is getting in the way of you creating love in your life.  By letting spirit be your guide, you can release old patterns and move into limitless love.

Are You Stuck in the “Lie” of Love?

At some point every single one of us has been caught in the “LIE” of LOVE.

The lie of love that says we can only have love with this one person.  The lie of love that fears we can only receive love in this one way.  The lie of love that says we will never feel “this way” with another person.

It is easy to get stuck on the details of the past.  We all spend time revisiting the loving memories and the heartbreaks of old relationships.  What we forget is that our memories are malleable.  They change with time.  We recreate them and alter them every time we revisit them.   The more we nurture these memories, the more we get attached to the lie.

This lie of love keeps us stuck in the past.  It keeps us stuck in our pain and heartbreak.  It keeps us from being able to receive love from anyone else.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, the lie of love is an illusion.  We decide that love has to exist in our life exactly the way we want it.  Our love has to arrive on our time schedule or else it is not love.  Our love has to make us feel a certain way or else it is not love. Our lover has to express their love in a specific way to us or else it is not love.

This is the path to disappointment, pain and loneliness.  And this path is perpetuated in literature, on TV, and in movies.  The Truth of love is so much more freeing – it is easier and allows us to receive what we truly desire.  When we step into the Truth then we become the Master of Love!

What if we could be free from that lie and step into the TRUTH of LOVE?

The Truth of love is that love is everywhere.  Love is created by you.  No one can give you love, because it is always yours to have.  Love has limitless expressions.

We’re not referring to some abstract idea of love.  We mean feeling loved each and every day.  Receiving that love from your soul mate, and giving that love in return.  

The Truth of love is that love is your birthright.  You were born perfect and whole.  You simply have forgotten that Truth in the pain of experience, so you’ve been trying to become whole again through another person.  You’ve been trying to feel complete through another person.

The only person who can complete you is you.  And the way to do that is to realize that there is nothing wrong with you.  You are not broken.  You don’t need to be fixed.  The truth of love is found in self-acceptance.  Shining the light of love on those dark places inside of us.

It is time to change our relationship to those old memories so we can release ourselves from the lie.  Look for the golden nugget in each past relationship.  There is a gift for you to take away from your heartaches.  Finding that gift allows you to grow and your love for self to expand.  

Examine the ways in which you reject yourself.  How often do you negate or reject your feelings by not expressing them?  Maybe you hold back your true self and present a version of yourself that you believe will be more likeable or acceptable.  You will not be loved for who you are until you start loving yourself for who you are.

When you learn to love yourself then love is available to you in each and every moment, and you can create love in your life under any circumstances, then you can experience the Truth - Love is inside of you and limitless.

When we get stuck thinking that LOVE is in the details – we set ourselves up for disappointment. We enter a relationship with hope – and that hope is the last thing to go.  Only by releasing that hope (the hope that says love can only be fulfilled by this one person, at this time, and in this one way) can we open up to all the possibilities that love has to offer us.  

What if every time your heart broke, it actually expanded and allowed room for more love to enter?  When we release the lie, we welcome all our experiences as an opportunity to love ourselves more deeply.  When we experience Love from inside of us, then and only then is it reflected back to us through the eyes of our Beloved. 

It seems like everyone is talking about Elizabeth Gilbert’s book with the movie starring Julia Roberts only a few weeks away from release.  So what is the message that everyone is buzzing about that is so clearly articulated in the book’s pages?  

Self Love.

That’s right!  The key to having all that we desire all comes down to how we love ourselves.

Here are some questions for you to ponder to discover the level that you truly love yourself:

1.   Do you honor your commitments?
~ Our word must be golden. If we say it, it is done.
2.   Do you take time to refuel?
~ Learning to serve ourselves before others is a skill most of us must learn.
3.   Do you take responsibility for where you are currently?
~ Blame is the enemy.  Notice what is being mirrored back to you when you connect with others.  How we FEEL is an indication of what is going on inside of us.  If we feel a “negative” emotion – what is going on inside us that is creating it?  No one “makes” us feel anything.  The only way out of the “blame game” is to step up and into responsibility.

Our intimate relationships mirror what is going on inside of us.  If we are unable to honor the commitments we make to ourselves then how can we expect someone outside of us to honor their commitments to us?  The reflection we see from the outside is not a direct reflection – it is more like a “Fun House” mirror with a distorted image.

Going back to old behavior will only create more similar experiences like those in our past.  To move forward, we must embrace whatever negative emotion may be coming up for us.  To have a real shift may feel uncomfortable at first. Taking on any new behavior will take some practice.  Trust in the process.

In fact Elizabeth Gilbert has this to say in the book:

"Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it."

So start making a daily effort.  Commit to it.  Do whatever actions are necessary.  And while you are enjoying the fruits of your labor, remember to keep moving in the direction of your inspiration.