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Do You Know How to Grow Together Rather Than Apart?

Do you and your partner have a common goal in your relationship?  Did you ever?  People come together because of shared attraction and companionship and over time as you grow together you make a deeper commitment to the relationship.  But did you ever discuss your shared goals, your desires, your dreams of your life together?

Maybe you just entered into your relationship the same way you entered your current job.  You needed a job to pay your bills.  The longer you worked there, the more comfortable you became in your position, you advanced and eventually you had a nice pension.  But did that job serve your soul?  Did it serve your natural talents and abilities?  Or maybe it just paid the bills and allowed you to buy a house and feed your family.

Relationships can develop along those same lines.  But does this relationship serve your soul?  Does it feed your curiosity and your creativity?  Mutual attraction and similar likes and dislikes are helpful in a relationship, but that is often not enough over the years to help you grow together.

We believe in relationship as the next step in our personal and spiritual growth.  Both Orna and I believe we could be happy and fulfilled alone.  We waited until we were past forty to marry.  However, we both wanted to continue to grow; to be the best versions of ourselves that we could be.  And we knew that required a partner.  Someone to reflect back our better selves and our highest potential.

It is so enriching to have a shared vision, a common goal in relationship.  It gives you a guidepost for the journey and helps you stay on the same page.  It is easy for one person to outgrow the other if you are not both clear on what you are creating together.  That doesn’t mean that like Orna and myself you also develop a business together, but it does mean that you both decide what is important to you and what is necessary for your satisfaction.

A couple days after our wedding Orna and I went to one of our favorite places in Los Angeles, the Self Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine.  This is a beautiful and holy place.  We did a short meditation together and then we took our guest book from our wedding, opened it to the empty pages in the back and began to write.  We each alternated writing  a single vision of what we desired from our partnership until we both felt complete.

We plan on returning to that same spot on our yearly anniversary to review and update the list; checking off things we’ve completed and adding the next steps in the vision.  In this way we can track our goals continue to grow together.

If we knew about this exercise earlier we would’ve done it long before our wedding.  It was suggested to us to do at our wedding and we loved the idea.  Do it when you both have committed to the relationship.  And add to it each year.  

 
 

Who should consider an Inner Child Date?
 

Anyone who may be feeling burnt out, stuck, stagnant, resentful of responsibilities, blocked creatively, time challenged, over-worked, over-burdened, and/or stressed out to name a few.

We are all creative beings.  We are all powerful beings.  Our power is great!  We can use that power to create or destroy. 

Our number one priority is to take care of ourselves.  We must fill our own cup to overflowing and then serve from the saucer.  We take care of others from our overflow.  Service is its own reward.  When we let others drink from our cup, or we allow our cup to dry out we will get resentful.

It is imperative we know what fills our cup.  This is where the Inner Child Date comes into play.  When we take the time to allow that little child inside of us to run the show we refuel, we get inspired, we fill our cup. 

The “rules” around the Inner Child Date are as follows:

Once a week for 2-3 hours engage in an activity selected by the little child inside of you.  There is no multi-tasking.  If you go for a walk and you have a dog, you do not walk the dog.  This activity is done by yourself and for yourself only.  For twelve consecutive weeks the activities must be unique.  At the end of twelve weeks reflect on which activities refueled you the most.  These dates should be top priority and treated as if they are the most important event scheduled on your calendar with the most important person.  Do not cancel a date with your inner child.

Here are some ideas for low cost to no cost Inner Child Dates:

Draw with crayons.

Make paper airplanes and fly them.

Spend time in nature – beach, mountains, river.

Lie on grass and look at the sky.  Do you see animals in the clouds?

Take a train ride.

Make a fort with blankets.

Dress up your pet.

Go to the beach.

Go bike riding.

Make a sandcastle.

Go to a park (my favorite is swinging on the swings).

Send postcards to friends.

Make a collage.

Visit a museum.

Go to the bookstore, hang out and read in the children’s book section.

Make a list of 50 things you love.

Go to an aquarium.

Visit an amusement park.

Go to a petting zoo.

Buy balloons.

Write a story about your pet.

Compliment strangers.

Make a lemonade stand.

Go ice-skating.

Go roller-skating.

Play solitaire.

Take a pottery class.

Sing in the shower.

Take a dance class.

Sing into your hairbrush and dance around the living room.

Buy “lucky socks.”

Drink a chocolate malt.

Wear a fake tattoo.

Make jello.

Dress up for no reason.

List 100 people you love.

Read a joke book.

Put glow in the dark stars on your bedroom ceiling.

Write a letter to Santa Claus.

Buy and complete a puzzle.

Watch The Wizard of Oz.

Dress up like a Rock Star.

Write a love letter to yourself.

Visit a sacred space.

Make a card for someone you love.

Write a thank you note.

Speak in rhyme or pig-latin.

Paint with watercolors.

Make hand shadows.

Make a sock puppet and create a character.

Buy a goldfish.

Make a mask.

Dress like your going to a masquerade ball.

Make a book of quotes from your friends.

Look at your old photo albums.

Go to a toy store.

Buy a squirt gun and squirt things on a walk.

Go fly a kite.

Collect beautiful leaves.

Bake homemade cookies.