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Dating, Dialog and Discovery!

I find it interesting how much effort and energy is often put into “where to meet people” when we’re single.  I have found with my clients. as well as from my own personal experience, its not about WHERE you are, but more about WHO you are being.

Dating is important for one reason that most people overlook – PRACTICE!

In order to change the patterns that you’ve been living over and over again in relationship its imperative for us to practice that new way of being in the world.

When I was internet-dating I had set one clear intention – to discover things about myself.  

If I met someone I was interested in, then that would be icing on the cake.  My clear goal was to pay attention to who I was being.  How was I different when I was meeting with someone I was attracted to, versus someone with whom I had no spark?  How did the presence or lack of that spark shift my internal dialog?

Often times with our clients the desire to find “the one” by internet-dating comes up again and again, and we respond “Its just practice!”  (This is true whether the dates come from the internet, or in “regular” life.)

Take that in.  

If it is truly just practice, then how would that change your relationship with you?  

Ultimately you cannot say or do the “wrong” thing with the Right Person.

When we desire love, we look for it outside of ourselves, yet it must be INSIDE us in order for it to be mirrored back to us.

Years ago, I married myself.  I went down to Venice Beach and bought a plain solid silver band, went out to the beach and promised to Love, Honor and Cherish ME!  It was incredibly fulfilling and nurturing.  Each time I looked at that band, or felt it on my finger, it was a constant reminder of that promise to myself.  

Nurturing yourself during the search for love is NOT optional.  

If you are truly in a place where you really don’t get out to meet new people, that’s okay.  Practice with the people in your life; friends, family, and co-workers.  Start to pay attention to what you would like to shift and then practice.  Do you judge?  Do you get angry?  Do you run through what may happen later in the day while you take your morning shower – only to realize that the dialog you’re having is not the one you want, but the one you fear?  

The real KEY to shifting on the inside is to pay attention to what you are saying to yourself about yourself.  Notice the negative dialog and change it to positive comments that you believe.  Pay attention to your inner dialog the way a marathon runner pays attention to their pace.

Discover what you would like to be saying to yourself and say that instead.

Who should consider an Inner Child Date?
 

Anyone who may be feeling burnt out, stuck, stagnant, resentful of responsibilities, blocked creatively, time challenged, over-worked, over-burdened, and/or stressed out to name a few.

We are all creative beings.  We are all powerful beings.  Our power is great!  We can use that power to create or destroy. 

Our number one priority is to take care of ourselves.  We must fill our own cup to overflowing and then serve from the saucer.  We take care of others from our overflow.  Service is its own reward.  When we let others drink from our cup, or we allow our cup to dry out we will get resentful.

It is imperative we know what fills our cup.  This is where the Inner Child Date comes into play.  When we take the time to allow that little child inside of us to run the show we refuel, we get inspired, we fill our cup. 

The “rules” around the Inner Child Date are as follows:

Once a week for 2-3 hours engage in an activity selected by the little child inside of you.  There is no multi-tasking.  If you go for a walk and you have a dog, you do not walk the dog.  This activity is done by yourself and for yourself only.  For twelve consecutive weeks the activities must be unique.  At the end of twelve weeks reflect on which activities refueled you the most.  These dates should be top priority and treated as if they are the most important event scheduled on your calendar with the most important person.  Do not cancel a date with your inner child.

Here are some ideas for low cost to no cost Inner Child Dates:

Draw with crayons.

Make paper airplanes and fly them.

Spend time in nature – beach, mountains, river.

Lie on grass and look at the sky.  Do you see animals in the clouds?

Take a train ride.

Make a fort with blankets.

Dress up your pet.

Go to the beach.

Go bike riding.

Make a sandcastle.

Go to a park (my favorite is swinging on the swings).

Send postcards to friends.

Make a collage.

Visit a museum.

Go to the bookstore, hang out and read in the children’s book section.

Make a list of 50 things you love.

Go to an aquarium.

Visit an amusement park.

Go to a petting zoo.

Buy balloons.

Write a story about your pet.

Compliment strangers.

Make a lemonade stand.

Go ice-skating.

Go roller-skating.

Play solitaire.

Take a pottery class.

Sing in the shower.

Take a dance class.

Sing into your hairbrush and dance around the living room.

Buy “lucky socks.”

Drink a chocolate malt.

Wear a fake tattoo.

Make jello.

Dress up for no reason.

List 100 people you love.

Read a joke book.

Put glow in the dark stars on your bedroom ceiling.

Write a letter to Santa Claus.

Buy and complete a puzzle.

Watch The Wizard of Oz.

Dress up like a Rock Star.

Write a love letter to yourself.

Visit a sacred space.

Make a card for someone you love.

Write a thank you note.

Speak in rhyme or pig-latin.

Paint with watercolors.

Make hand shadows.

Make a sock puppet and create a character.

Buy a goldfish.

Make a mask.

Dress like your going to a masquerade ball.

Make a book of quotes from your friends.

Look at your old photo albums.

Go to a toy store.

Buy a squirt gun and squirt things on a walk.

Go fly a kite.

Collect beautiful leaves.

Bake homemade cookies.