This week’s question comes from Gillian:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I love your message about love and I truly believe you give the best dating advice. Maybe you can help me; I’ve dated a guy named Bill for 5 months. It got messy this past month he is not moving things forward and I miss him. It seems to be fizzling out on his end.
I feel sad because there was a nice connection with him.
Friends say move on yet my heart misses the connection and craves his attention.
It seems I’ve moved on so many times after 9 years of dating post divorce… I yearn for a deep satisfying connection. Right now I just feel sad.
Thank you for your thoughtful question and we want to honor you for sharing how you are feeling. Those feelings of sadness are with you because they are appropriate.
We often say, “Hope is the first thing that comes into a relationship, and it is the last thing to leave.” It’s clear from your email that you had a lot of hope for things to work out with Bill.
It’s not our M.O. to share with you how to “keep Bill” or “Get him back”, etc. A true soul partnership is created when BOTH people choose each other. We do not care much for manipulative tactics as there is only ONE person you have control over, and that person is YOU.
You shared that things got messy over the past month. Relationships are messy. It’s possible that Bill was simply not your Beloved because he doesn’t have the capacity to move through the conflicts and challenges that are sure to arise.
So setting the situation with Bill aside, we would rather guide you look at what was triggered inside of you that created this desire to choose him.
Most people make their selection of a partner based on the chemistry and connection they feel at the beginning of the dating process. This is what we call Love By Accident – the expectation being that when we meet some magical “right” person that everything will just work out.
This is the myth of Accidental Love that is predicated throughout our society. Attraction is a requirement for a relationship, but it is not EVERYTHING that is required.
Additionally, when you wrote that you “crave his attention” which stood out for us in your email… this rings true for what we call a Love Imprint™ match.
Your Love Imprint® is the system in your subconscious mind that is like your personal setting for what love feels like to you. It was created in your family of origin when you were a little girl.
Most people are aware that they have limiting beliefs around love and relationship, however those are only part of this system. Your Love Imprint® is made of three parts: Limiting Beliefs, Mental/Emotional Patterns, and Behavioral Strategies around giving and receiving love.
It’s possible that this sadness you now feel is part of your mental/emotional patterns in Your Love Imprint®. The emotion itself is not the issue, it’s what drove you to select Bill in the first place.
When we connect with someone who is a Love Imprint Match™ it often feels like we have met our Soulmate, and yet it doesn’t last. We end up pining for that feeling of connection and think that the source of those feelings is the person who we thought was our Beloved.
The source of the love you seek does not exist outside of you. It is within you. The connection you seek is not outside of you. It is within you.
We do not get love from another person – we SHARE love with them.
Understanding this is the key to creating your Soulmate Relationship.
What’s in the way is the system of Your Love Imprint®. This system is the first and most important step. When you know what is in your way, then the steps to where you want to be become clear to you.
If you would like some assistance in diagnosing Your Love Imprint®, you can apply for a Your Love Imprint® Session with us by clicking here: www.YourLoveImprint.com
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,