This week's question comes from Clare:
"Hi Orna and Matthew,
Thank you so much for all your work on the subject of love. I read your notes regularly and have been working on my blocks for some years now. I have recognized some of my dating patterns and have become more conscious of my feelings.
3 months ago I met a wonderful guy. A connection we both cherished and appreciated. However in the last week there seems to be a shift. We've had little 'discussions' about household chores: he's very set in his ways and I have spoken about this and he is aware of it. He is positive with this and says we need to evolve together as we are learning about each other.
I know he is my soulmate
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Why do victims of abuse choose abusers?
This week's question comes from CJ:
"Hi! I want to know if you can help me understand something. Why is it that being abused in your life helps you choose people that have abusive tendencies? And how do you get yourself to a place where you can find happiness and comfort?"
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Dear CJ,
Thank you for coming forward to ask for help in understanding why this happens. We learn to receive love at a very young age. And as we grow older how we learned to receive love becomes what our subconscious mind identifies as “love.”
The subconscious doesn’t have the ability to judge, it simply identifies what is Known and what is Unknown.
When we are raised in an abusive home, on the
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How do I move on from a cheater?
This week's question comes from Patricia:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
Your Newsletter is such a blessing to me. You give the best dating advice. Thank you and God bless you for all the great work you do.
My question is how do you move on when you have loved someone for years and he has left me again (the 4th time). I am a forgiving person and always make excuses for his cheating behavior. I am 55 years old and sometimes I feel I cannot find anyone now. Also he was my first boyfriend 30 years ago. After my first husband died, he came back in my life. Sorry for writing so much but I want you to understand how much I am attached to him.
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Dear Patricia,
Thank you for your
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How Do I Let Go of Fear of Abandonment?
This week's question comes from V:
"Hi Orna & Matthew! I'm pretty new to Love On Purpose but I really appreciate your Love Notes Weekly! I've been divorced over 2 years and have been dating the same guy for about 7 months; someone who is spiritual and completely different than my ex. (He's truly a good man. I do realize not all men will up and leave in a relationship.) I rode my roller coaster ride of emotions after my ex left and thought I was doing really well and moving on with my life and started dating again. Recently I found out that I have abandonment issues, which in turn caused me to also have jealousy issues. My ex-husband up and left me without any warning
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Are you in a ‘convenient’ relationship?
This week's question comes from Helen:
"I've been listening to your interviews and appreciate them so much. Feel I am wiser for them. My question is this: If a man I haven't heard from in one month (he often backs off this long) still has not contacted me, does it constitute chasing to email him and say that the museum exhibit we talked about is over, but there is another one now I would be interested in seeing. (We have talked about the issue that his membership expired, but mine is still in effect and that he could go on my card.)
I would also say I hope he is doing well. No more. I feel he has hurt me by backing away for periods of time before, and I told him that I feel sad
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How Do I Handle a New Relationship at Christmas?
This week's question comes from Anne:
"Hi Orna and Matthew,
I love your weekly emails!! I look forward to them every Monday.
I am in the early stages of a relationship (one month to be exact). I am practicing being the "receiver" and allowing him to do the pursuing. So far everything is going well. My question is this - with Christmas next week, what is the protocol for the woman in a new relationship? He has not invited me out yet to celebrate the holidays, but assuming he does, do you think it would be appropriate to give him a friendly card (not lovey-dovey) and maybe a small box of chocolates?
I tend to "over-give" in my relationships and am cognizant of not doing that again
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