This week’s question comes from Iris:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I know that you two are soulmate coaches and that you probably don’t agree with me but I have to ask anyway. Can’t I just stay single and be happy with my life?
I’m so tired of yearning for a man to fix my life. I’m so tired of all the angst and drama of a relationship. None of my relationships have ever worked out and quite frankly I’m sick of dating.
I want to be happy single! I want to be happy without the worry that I’ve chosen wrong again.
Please help!”
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Dear Iris,
Thanks for reaching out to us and asking anyway. We think this is a great question!
We actually agree with you. You should be single and happy, because then you’ll be happy when you are in a relationship.
Being unhappy with yourself and hoping a man will come along to fix you and your life is a recipe for dissatisfaction.
No one can make you happy. No one will make you happy.
Oh sure, you’ll feel good when you are in the romance stage of a relationship. Your brain will literally be flooded with feel good chemicals creating a high that is on par with heroin.
During this period you may believe that you’ve solved all of your problems because you’ve got a man by your side. You may feel like you can conquer the world.
In fact, it is this feeling that so many crave when they are alone. We crave that feeling of connection, that feeling of being seen, that feeling of acceptance. We are under a spell, and believe that if we find the “right” person, that feeling will last forever.
That’s what all the movies and poems and songs and books tell us, isn’t it?
Unfortunately those chemicals wear off and we go through a hangover period in our relationship. ALL relationships go through this phase. You cannot avoid it.
This hangover is called the Power Struggle phase of relationship. In this phase we wish that our partner was just like us and didn’t have all of those annoying beliefs and behaviors and strategies that are different from our own.
During the romance phase it seems highly unlikely that you’ll ever experience the power struggle.
But none of us are immune because that chemical high cannot last forever. When the drugs wear off we have to deal with the fact that we weren’t very happy before we met Mr. Amazing, and that we didn’t like ourselves very much.
Even though he temporarily distracted you from your unhappiness, the things that created those unhappy feelings didn’t go anywhere – they’ve been waiting for you to land back on planet earth.
So, to answer your question, YES, we believe that you should focus on learning to be happy while you are single. That way when you start to date you can use the dating process for what it is meant for: To cultivate discernment in order to select an ideal match for you.
If you want a crash course in cleaning up your limiting beliefs, your negative mental/emotional patterns, and your unhelpful behavioral strategies, The Soulmate Shortcut™ is our DIY program that will walk you through how you can create happiness for yourself so you can share that joy with a life partner.
Don’t let the name fool you – it’s a shortcut because the focus is on YOU! It’s not about how to flirt or meet men. That will take care of itself when you’ve released your past patterns that block you from the love you want.
Order The Soulmate Shortcut™ here so you can get out of your own way to being happy on your own and with a partner.
We are here to be your guides to long-lasting love.
Love and Abundance,
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