When a relationship ends you may find yourself rushing to meet someone new wondering, “Can love heal a broken heart?”
Experiencing heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences in life. A relationship starts with so much hope and when it ends, it can feel like something inside of you has died.
You begin to question everything you thought you knew about love. You really connected with this person at the beginning, and now it’s over when you thought it would last. Can you really trust your heart next time? Is your picker broken? Did other people get the memo about love that you missed somehow?
When a relationship ends, there are two different strategies that people use to try to move on with their lives.
A. They swear off relationships for a while and either commit to abstinence or focus on dating with no strings attached.
B. They jump into a relationship with someone who treats them better/differently than their ex.
B above is often referred to as a rebound relationship. Rebound relationships rarely last, but is there a way to approach a rebound relationship that can lead to the lasting love you crave?
Why do most rebound relationships fail?
Heartbreak hurts. There is no getting around that. And since most people want to avoid pain, they make a decision that the next relationship will be different than the last one.
Did you frequently argue with your ex? You look for someone who is easier to get along with who doesn’t want drama in their lives.
Was your ex emotionally unavailable? Then you choose someone who is more expressive and emotionally demonstrative.
Was the chemistry off the charts but you didn’t have anything in common? You date someone who is more like you even though the spark isn’t there.
Choosing partners who are different from your ex in order to avoid the problems of the past can leave you in another lather, rinse, repeat cycle. Uh oh….
Selecting someone who is the opposite of what you don’t want will not create lasting love.
Do you make any other decisions this way?
No one ever said, “I asked for a raise at my last job and I didn’t get it. That felt awful so I quit. Now I’m looking for a job where I don’t have to ask for a raise ever again.”
Can love heal a broken heart? Yes, when you grow through the experiences you’ve had and choose to love again anyway.
What you want is not the opposite of what you don’t want.
Manifestation Class 101 – You can’t create by focusing on what you do not want. With all of your attention on avoiding past hurts and disappointments, you think you’ll avoid the people who are all wrong for you.
Actually, what you focus on grows – so now all you see are the people you’re trying to avoid.
To make matters even worse, you won’t be able to see the person who is an ideal match for you and who is standing right in front of you! (FYI – This is called a negative hallucination – not seeing something that is present.)
When you choose the opposite of what you don’t want you end up in a “should” relationship.
- I should be with this person, my friends and family adore him.
- I should marry him, he will be a great dad.
- I should give him a try, my heart always steers me wrong.
Meanwhile, you end up in a relationship where there is no chemistry, no driving desire to be with that person. You’re not living with your soulmate, you’re living with a roommate.
Unfortunately, that is not enough to make it through the challenges that life will inevitably throw your way. You cannot settle for a lifetime with someone, it simply won’t last.
More than any other group, we’ve coached an inordinate amount of women who are divorced from the “should guy.” They come to us because they feel stuck – they know what they don’t want, but only have a fuzzy picture of what they really do.
Can love heal a broken heart? Keep reading to find out more…
You can’t create from lack.
Have you ever said, “I can’t see myself doing that,” in reference to some daring activity? Something like jumping out of an airplane, or speaking in front of thousands of people, or going bungee jumping or zip-lining?
When you use that phrase you are speaking a literal truth. You can’t create a picture in your mind of you taking that action and so it feels improbable or impossible that you would ever do it.
However, when you can see yourself taking one of those actions – literally creating a picture in your mind of you doing that thing – then it feels possible and probable for it to happen. And all that’s required is to decide to do it.
To go from a fuzzy picture of what you desire to being crystal clear on your soulmate relationship there are concrete steps you can take that will produce the results you want.
How do you move past heartbreak to creating lasting love without ending up in a dead-end rebound relationship?
Take time to heal your heart. Rebound relationships happen when you jump into a new relationship in order to avoid the pain of the break-up.
You can’t rush healing your heart. It is the key to truly moving on from your old patterns and creating something new and better than you’ve experienced.
We are motivated either towards inspiration or away from discomfort. With the latter, the intention is not really the goal it’s comfort. When you’re motivated toward inspiration you never run out of the motivation to continue towards your goal.
Part of your journey is to realize you are not broken. The way you learned to “do” love is. The way you think about love is broken.
Choosing the opposite of what you don’t want is a strategy for avoiding pain.
You can’t choose love to avoid anguish. Love is limitless. It is expansive. Love is an inspiration. Avoiding pain is the opposite of that.
With your attempts to avoid feeling heartache, you’re still caught up in the pain. It’s the feeling that ties you to the past leaving you destined to repeat your choices again and again and again. Yuck! Right?
This is why you think that there are no good men, or quality men, or whatever kind of man it is you are searching for. In order to change your patterns when it comes to selecting a mate you have to heal your heart. Otherwise the past will continue to determine your future and you’ll be stuck in your old dance steps.
Choosing from your heart’s desire instead of from avoiding pain is the answer to the question, “Can love heal a broken heart?”
Imagine that your ex showed up to teach you something in order for you to connect with your beloved.
Joseph Campbell, who wrote extensively about the human experience, identified the challenges you face on the journey to living a meaningful life. One of the early stages along the way is meeting the Threshold Guardian.
The Threshold Guardian blocks the path to the unknown worlds beyond what has been experienced.
These Threshold Guardians show up to teach us something so we can grow into a better version of ourselves. Think of them as the challenge in a video game that you must master to go on to the next level of the game.
What if your ex is your Threshold Guardian?
What if your ex showed up to be your teacher so that you can grow to the next level in love? Would this change how you approach healing from that relationship?
Instead of becoming bitter about love, you could find gratitude that this person showed up in order for you to become better, to be prepared for your beloved.
This learning allows you to break through your patterns in love so you can create something entirely new – long-lasting love!
If you’re asking, “Can love heal a broken heart?” the answer is: YES!
Ultimately when your heart breaks, it breaks open to hold more love.
Just like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas you’re able to love more. You’re open to new experiences. You’ve been healed by going through the pain of the break up.
Feeling the pain will not kill you (despite what your brain might tell you). Emotion is there to inform you that something is wrong. Just like the pain you may feel if you twist your ankle.
The signal of the pain is information. What you do with that information is generally an automatic response one that occurs on auto-pilot.
What if you could slow down that response time and make a new choice?
Learning to make new choices in your own behavior is the pathway to creating long-lasting love.
Just like learning to do anything new or differently it takes time and practice.
You can change your internal GPS for love and change your destiny in love.
Can love heal a broken heart?
Yes, it can if you set the intention to do love differently. This is the road less traveled because most people remain stuck in the patterns that are familiar.
What is familiar will take you to the same situations – different face – similar end result.
If you’ve experienced a recent heartbreak, we’d love to share with you how to approach love in a new way. Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Call and we’ll show you how to rewire your brain for long-lasting, soul-satisfying love.