This week's question comes from Dale:
Hi Orna & Mathew,
I am following your letters and attended a webinar that was awesome. I love the depth of your perspective! So much of the info I see on dating is superficial and geared towards what women should be doing to ‘attract' men and keep them. I'm tired of hearing everything from this point of view! What we should be wearing, saying, doing and not doing. I'm interested in figuring out what my response is to the men I'm dating and how to know if I should pursue investing in a relationship or not.
I'm a Coach myself and very aware of the fact that who we are attracted to are not always the right person for us. However, sexual attraction is important to me. It seems I find a quality guy who has a lot of the characteristics I'm looking for but none of the chemistry…the advice from the experts has been, keep dating him, the attraction will come.
So far this has not worked for me, I would love to hear your perspective on this! Is it just that I have a false belief that chemistry and character are mutually exclusive and cannot be found in one man?!
Many Thanks to you both for your depth & wisdom!
Thank you so much for your kind words, we appreciate your positive feedback very much. Yes it’s true, there is a lot of information out there telling women what to do to “catch” a man… and we are thrilled that you really get that is not what we are about.
We can assure you that this idea that attraction “will just come,” and “give it time,” is preposterous! It’s not at all what either of us personally experienced when we were single.
Chemistry and attraction can build certainly, but there must be a spark in order to start a fire – and the romance stage of relationship is all about having a fire!
The chemical high that comes at the beginning of a relationship is important to experience, as it is the promise of what can be should the couple choose to stay together and commit.
We have had literally hundreds of clients all around the globe who came to us after getting divorced from what we call “The Should Guy.” This is the guy that one settles for because one “should” marry him for one reason or another even though there is no chemistry.
As far as being able to answer your question as to WHY chemistry and a quality man have not come together for you yet… well, there’s not enough information for us to be able to expertly answer that question for you and to do it accurately.
Yes, you may have a limiting belief about what is possible for you. However, we find that usually there are a number of things that create our strategies around giving and receiving love. As human beings we are quite complex, so what might be keeping you from the love you want, might be similar, but not exactly what is keeping someone else.
The answer to the WHY question in this circumstance is only information for your brain to have understanding. Yet, your question lets us know that the issue is created from a completely different part of your mind.
If the issue was so simple, that you have ONE limiting belief that is keeping you from the love you want… then it would be rather easy to create that change for yourself.
You stated that you are a coach, and we would imagine that as a coach you assist people to get out of their own way and create change on a number of levels.
The truth is that you do not need a great love relationship to survive.
Due to this truth, one must be willing to release their love strategies around survival and make the leap to truly THRIVE in life and in love!
If you are familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs, you will know that we need certain things before others – they are simply required.
If one’s basic needs are not met; if one is struggling to pay rent, or to buy food, or to feel safe in the world, then it would be nearly impossible to be successful to do the deep inner work that is required to be our client.
We are experts at creating transformation because we have a wide skill-set that allows us to see who you are at your highest and best self and to guide you there. It is on this path that you connect with your beloved!
Can we also help you create a winning online profile? Sure.
Can we share with you tips and tools on how to date successfully? Yes.
Can we teach you communication skills so you can express yourself and feel heard? Absolutely!
The most fun we have is guiding our clients from where they are to where they want to be so they can create soul-satisfying, long-lasting love!
Attracting a guy is great, but not so great if it doesn’t last…
This is the Do-It-Yourself program for discovering and transforming Your Love Imprint®. This digital program comes with PDF, Audio, and Workbook so you can identify the blocks and patterns keeping you from the love you want and some powerful tools for transforming them all on your own.
Click Here to learn more about The Soulmate Shortcut™
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,