This week's question comes from Tami:
Dear Orna and Matthew,
Thank you so much for your work! I truly enjoy and have learned so much from your emails. I'm not dating at the moment; I'm in a bit of a self-imposed learning and recovery about my past relationships mode. When I am putting myself out there I either attract one of two kinds of men, the clingy, needy man or the player. I know… they are the opposite sides of the same coin. Both groups of these men are emotionally unavailable and very selfish. I hear you say all the time that I am the common denominator in all of my relationships… So, since I am the common denominator and the only one I can control or
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Blocks to Love
How do I learn to trust again?
This week's question comes from Cami:
"Hi Orna and Matthew,
My question is how do you learn to trust again? My heart has been closed to trusting others because I’ve been through so much pain. I’ve shut down and I know I don’t want to be this way, but I find it so difficult to open up and trust. It always feels unsafe. How do I get over the fear of getting hurt if I have no support system to hold my hand while I heal myself?"
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Dear Cami,
We feel for you. It can be difficult to open yourself up again after experiencing a lot of painful situations. We understand the desire to shut down.
The place to start is with your own healing. It would be too
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What If I Don’t Feel That Excitement?
This week's question comes from Bekah:
Hello Orna and Matthew!
I really enjoy your emails and feel that what you say really resonates with me.
I would say over the past few years I have struggled with being in relationships that I have not had strong feelings for the person and then being in relationships where my feelings were more intense, but the person lacked the level of commitment that I am interested in. This is where I am struggling with listening to what feels like my heart or feelings, and stepping back and noticing a pattern and wanting to be involved with a different type of person and relationship.
I am currently dating someone that I
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Did I mess it up?
This week's question comes from EB:
"Hello Orna and Matthew,
Last summer, I filled three pages of my journal with all the traits I want in my man.
Two days later, I met him! I was amazed at how he was just what I wanted. We were together for seven wonderful months. He wasn't perfect, but he was just right for me.
He was a confident, masculine man who treated me like a queen. After we hit a small rough patch, he broke up with me. Via e-mail. I was devastated. I had done all this work on myself to clear my blocks.
A week later he reached out and admitted that he just got scared. He said being in love makes him feel thrown off. It's overwhelming. He
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Does IQ Matter?
This week's question comes from JJ:
"Dear Orna and Matthew,
I am so grateful to you both for your willingness to share your own personal experiences to allow others to learn and grow. I look forward to your Monday newsletters because I know I will find something worthy to ponder and explore in my own life.
I’m struggling with an on-going issue in my current 16-month relationship and hope you can shed some light. I was married for 30 years to a man who decided to leave me for a woman he took up with out of the blue. My ex is a highly intelligent guy but something snapped in him at age 51 and he took this other path. I was devastated because I felt we had a very
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Pushing away good men?
This week's question comes from Tracy:
"Hi Orna and Matthew,
I really love reading your newsletter. It gives me so much hope that I can figure out my crazy love life.
I’ve done a lot of work to identify my patterns and I hope you can help me break them. I feel like I push away good men because deep inside I don’t really love myself. Also, I stay too long with nice men who just aren’t right for me.
How do I figure out how to love myself more/enough such that I don’t continue to be stuck in this pattern? I am trying to say nice things to myself like, “I deserve love,” but it doesn’t seem to be making a difference.
Please share your thoughts and
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