This week's question comes from Tiffany:
Hey Orna and Matthew, I have a quick question about expectations. I know that one should have a "no expectations" attitude towards those they love (family, friends, partners, etc.), but how do you distinguish expectations from standards and requirements?
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Dear Tiffany,
Great question! Let's just get right to it. Expectations are desires that are not expressed. We expect our man to be able to anticipate our needs. We expect our family to be supportive. We expect our close friends to be there when we need them. And then all of them at one time disappoint us. Expectations are the cause of so much suffering in
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Effective Communication
I don’t want to regress into my old patterns…
This week's question comes from Susana:
"Hi Orna and Matthew,
Thanks for the opportunity to get your help and advice. My question is: I've done all my work and I have started dating someone totally different and very special. This means I have changed. But how do I keep from going back to my old ways and make sure this relationship lasts?
Thanks!"
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Dear Susana,
How exciting! We love to hear when someone in our community has broken old patterns and created a new kind of loving relationship. Brava!
We are here to support your desire to not slip back into those old ways of being in this new relationship.
Here are a few thoughts we have about how to
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Is This a Dealbreaker?
This week's question comes from Tamlyn
"Hello Orna and Matthew,
I never would have thought I would be writing for advice on this issue because I've always perceived complaints about a lover with poor personal hygiene to be easily resolvable.
I recently met a man whose heart and worldview match my own. I care about him and see him as someone I could build a future with. The problem is that his teeth are in a really bad condition and he often looks greasy and uncared for. I find this totally off-putting, not just for aesthetic reasons but because to me its a sign of somebody who doesn't care for himself. If he doesn't take care of himself how can I trust and respect
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How do I not mess it up?
This week's question comes from Sylvia:
Hello Orna and Matthew,
I would like to know about a man I'm interested in. I met a man online and we seemed to hit it off. We've been chatting online and I finally wrote an email to him but he hasn't answered me yet. He told me he wanted to meet and then I haven't heard from him. I really like him and I don't want to mess this up. What do I do!?!
Thank you.
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Dear Sylvia,
Thanks for reaching out to us. First off, know that you can't "mess this up." What we mean is that you cannot say or do the wrong thing with the right man. The key is how you approach it from the start.
First off, you must understand that a
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Can We Escape Past Trauma?
This week's question comes from Lisa:
Dear Orna and Matthew,
I've enjoyed your work for a while now and have a question.
I’ve been on the self-growth and healing path for most of my lifetime and specifically working on relationship stuff for the past 5 years.
After healing through my divorce in 2012 and a toxic relationship later. I believe I've met someone really truly sent for me. We've been seeing each other about 6 months and it is by far and away the healthiest relationship I've ever had, and probably the first with a self-responsible, emotionally fluent, quality MAN. It’s been an interesting road for me in learning how to trust and receive and I'm proud of
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Meant to Be?
This week's question comes from Tarryn:
Dear Orna and Mathew.
I have a question if you don't mind. All these techniques, internal work, etc. are great and I truly follow it and try to practice this work. However if you're with the wrong partner (for instance if I'm with a boyfriend who isn't my match/soulmate) then I could do all the internal work in the world and we still wouldn't be able to have that soulmate/relationship we want correct?
It just frustrates me that this work is incredibly great but it really wouldn't make a difference if you're with the wrong person for you? Would love to hear your opinions. For instance, even if you would have done all this
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