This week's question comes from Jill:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I would love your insights on my situation. At work I’m the boss. I manage a fairly large team and there is a guy I find attractive who works for the company, but does not report directly to me.
He seems interested in me, and even though I wouldn’t describe him as shy he hasn’t yet made a move. I know he’s single. I’ve read and studied about masculine/feminine dynamics and I am really clear that I want a man to lead in a relationship.
How do I do something (if anything) to see if there is something there for me with my co-worker?
Hoping for a connection.”
Thank you for reaching out and we want you to know you are not alone. Your situation is becoming quite commonplace for career women. Dating from the C-Suite™ can be a tricky situation.
Office politics and office dynamics create an environment where you will need to move slowly. This does not mean that it is impossible. It just means that the clearer you are in your communication, the less there is an opportunity for misunderstanding.
Ultimately, what we want you to understand is that nothing is all that different at your office between this co-worker and any other men you might meet online or in the world.
Dating is a process meant for you to cultivate discernment so you can select an ideal match for you.
As a woman looking for love are you putting yourself out there regularly to meet new men to date?
Is it possible that your focus is on this one guy because you are hoping that love will conveniently happen for you via your office?
If yes, that is the very definition of Love By Accident. This idea that the “right” person will conveniently waltz into your life and everything will just work out is a bit preposterous.
Did your career occur that way? Did you stroll in and ask to be an executive at a large company and it just magically worked out for you?
Love does not operate under different Universal Laws as everything else in life.
Ultimately, Love By Accident will not bring you the long-lasting love we hope you’re looking to create.
We are thrilled that you’ve put some time and energy to discover what you desire in a relationship and that you know you do not want to be in the lead. That’s awesome!
Now let’s take it further…
If you know you don’t want to be in the lead in a relationship, it’s imperative for you to practice being receptive. This places you in the seat of your feminine power.
Your interactions with ALL men you date (or hope to date) will solidify your behavior to attract a man who will lead the relationship forward.
This is Attraction 101 – opposites attract – similar energies repel. Just like magnets.
The mistake many women make is that they lead from the beginning, and at some point (3-6 months into the relationship) they want to switch and have the guy lead.
It’s possible this guy showed up at your office for you to have a real-world experience (rather than theoretical understanding) of how to show up in your feminine power to attract the right man for you.
Here’s the deal:
Most good men (those who want a relationship) will need encouragement to engage with a woman in the world. It’s a huge risk for a man to ask for a date, or a phone number.
The guy at your office will need EXTRA encouragement because as you stated, you are the boss.
When you engage with this guy at your office see if you can offer him a cue that you’re interested in him.
It could be a smile, or speak with him more regularly, or compliment him on something not work related (i.e. “Nice watch!” or, “That shirt looks great on you, it matches your eyes, “ etc.).
We suggest you practice these skills out in the world as well.
Most importantly – ALWAYS BE DATING!
If you are looking to create soul-satisfying, long-lasting love, set aside time every week to be engaging on online dating sites/apps, to be out in the world meeting new people, and utilize the dating process to discover more about the kind of relationship you desire for a lifetime.
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,