Do you desire a deep soul connection with your beloved? Have you ever felt like you met your soulmate and then it didn’t work out? Maybe the two of you couldn’t get past your conflicts or he wasn’t emotionally available for a deeper commitment. You thought you found that person who you could create a deep soul connection with and yet, for some reason, it fell apart.
One of the most enduring myths about love is that you are destined to be with one special person who is your soulmate. As if when you find that person all of your relationship problems would fade away.
The myth tells you that you’ll know this person is your soulmate because of how he makes you feel. You can’t stop thinking about him. He seems to be able to read your mind. Each moment you are not with him is filled with the excitement and anticipation of when you will see him again.
And then, for whatever reason, the passion cools, or it turns out that he is not who you thought he was and you begin to doubt that soulmates exist. You guard your heart and are on the lookout for anyone who might be like the guy who broke your heart so you can steer clear of men like that.
Or you begin to think that you met your soulmate and it didn’t work out and so a soulmate must a person who will burn you (like Elizabeth Gilbert in her ultra-best-selling memoir Eat Pray Love). So now what?
Can you really have a deep soul connection with someone who is your soulmate? What do you need to do differently to create the soul-satisfying, long-lasting love you desire?
Sex, attraction, and even love are natural instincts that everyone has. However, long-term monogamous relationships are not instinctual. They are a social construct and require a skillset just like anything you’ve ever studied or learned to do. They require intention.
To create a deep soul connection with someone that stands the test of time, you need to fundamentally change your approach to dating and relationships.
Develop A Clear Vision Of How You Want Your Relationship To Function
You can’t trust a feeling or even attraction to determine who is an ideal life partner. Feelings change, and attraction wanes. You don’t want to base your romantic partnership on something as fickle as a feeling.
This does not mean that attraction or chemistry is unimportant. It just can’t be the most important item on the list. Your feelings cannot be the determining factor in selecting a monogamous relationship partner.
Instead, you’ll want to get a clear picture of how you want your romantic partnership to function. What would you like the dynamic between the two of you to be? How do the two of you relate to one another?
Is trust important to you? What about communication? Or what about freedom?
The key is to create a vision that is inspiring to you. It can’t just be the opposite of what didn’t work in the past. If trust is important to you because your last three exes lied to you, then your desire for trust is still caught up in the hurt and anger from those experiences.
Take some time to heal your wounds from the heartbreaks you’ve experienced before creating your new vision. You’ll want to have extended forgiveness to yourself and your exes before you can begin creating your new blueprint from a clean slate.
When you are ready, write out your vision. Be specific about the relationship, but not overly detailed about the person you desire. It doesn’t matter how tall he is or if he likes the same books as you. What really matters is how the relationship functions.
Having a clear vision of your relationship dynamic will allow you to evaluate a match through the dating process so that you can create the deep soul connection you desire.
Remember That The Other Person Is Not You
The aboriginals of Australia have a unique way of greeting each other. When they come upon a friend they say, “I see you.” The friend responds with, “It’s good to be seen.”
Isn’t this what you desire in your intimate relationships? You want to be truly seen by your partner, right? Are you able to give this gift to the people you love?
It may seem obvious, but any person you are in a relationship with will have a completely different background than you. He will have a different internal experience of the world, different mental/emotional patterns, different strategies for dealing with stress, different ways of handling money and conflict.
It is these differences that can become the glue that holds your relationship together or the chasm that can never be bridged.
The key to having a lasting deep soul connection is to remember that the other person is not you and to value the differences between the two of you. This mutual respect and freedom builds a deep soul connection that is liberating, not confining. If you cannot accept the differences between you and your partner, then your love will not last.
Instead of trying to get your partner to like what you like, and do things your way, give him what he wants. Discover and honor his preferences. This doesn’t mean that you give up yours. It means you stop fighting for your way and defer to one another’s strengths. This is the path to create a lasting deep soul connection.
Learn To Use Conflict As A Doorway To A Deeper Connection
A deep soul connection does not magically happen when you meet someone, it develops over time. One of the best ways to nurture a deep soul connection that will last is to lean into conflict.
Most people are conflict avoidant and would rather not talk about issues that are upsetting. When you avoid being authentic and discount how you feel, you create a disconnection between you and your partner. As long as there are things you can’t talk about then there will be landmines that can blow up your relationship.
Instead, approach conflict as a doorway to a deeper connection. This counterintuitive approach to move through conflict by communicating how you feel is an essential skill that takes practice. You won’t suddenly do it when you’ve been with your partner for years – by then too much is on the line.
Utilize conflict as a way to understand your partner’s needs, and for you to express what you need from your partner. Discord often occurs because you are not connected to yourself.
When you learn to fight for the relationship instead of fighting against each other you’ll discover the secret to lasting love. This is the key to overcoming the power struggle stage that all relationships go through and revisit.
Having a deep soul connection with your soulmate doesn’t mean that you won’t ever disagree or argue. It means that you have a commitment to move through the conflict together.
Choose A Partner Who Shares Your Values
Life will always throw curveballs your way whether you are single or coupled up. Therefore, you will always go through challenges. These difficulties might be related to finances, health, issues, or how to parent.
It is through these challenges that relationships either deepen or fall apart. To create a lasting deep soul connection, choose someone who shares your values, someone who agrees with you about what is really important.
You will inevitably have differing strategies, however, if your values are similar then you can always find your way back to establishing a strong connection with each other.
Learning to date for your soulmate is a key factor in selecting a life partner who shares your values. This does not come from long-winded hypothetical conversations. Instead, you discover what someone values over time by paying attention to how he spends his resources. Every person will spend their time, effort, and money on what they value.
Each of you will have different strengths and weaknesses. Love does not blossom from attempting to control someone. The effort to control your partner creates unnatural pressure that ultimately yields impure results.
Only by allowing your partner to have the same freedom of thought and expression that you desire can you two come together by choice and then choose one another again and again through the decades.
When you share values you can harness your differences towards the same goals allowing you to thrive as a couple. Soulmates are simply two individuals who stay together because they are better together than apart.
Lasting love is about creating a life together that is in service to your larger dreams and goals. When you are on the same page about what is truly important then you can weather any storms that come your way creating a lasting deep soul connection.
Learn To Communicate Respectfully
It is important to understand that there is a boundary between you and your partner. The bad math of a romantic Hollywood movie is 1+1=1. This is a recipe for a co-dependent relationship.
Ultimately no one completes you. You must be whole and complete within yourself in order to be available for a beloved relationship with a deep soul connection. As two individuals you can each have your feelings, strategies, needs, and wants.
You must be two whole different people in order to access your own free will choice and create healthy boundaries. Respecting boundaries between you and your partner is integral to creating a deep soul connection.
One of the most damaging phrases in any conflict is, “You make me feel so…”
No one makes you feel anything. Your feelings are your own and you are ultimately responsible for them. (This is not an excuse for ignoring bad behavior or putting up with abuse.) It is a blueprint for taking responsibility for yourself and not blaming your partner for the history of your mental/emotional patterns.
When you can take responsibility for your feelings and express them authentically to your partner then you can create real magic together.
Focus on using “I” language instead of “you” language when you are navigating a difficult subject. Communicate with kindness and compassion whenever possible. Choose to give your partner the benefit of the doubt. If you’ve weathered other storms together, he has earned the benefit of the doubt.
Have A Commitment To Healing Together
A deep soul connection with your beloved can be the most healing relationship you will ever have. Make a commitment to create a space where the two of you can share your vulnerabilities. Allowing you and your partner to each express yourselves authentically no matter what – even if it’s not done perfectly – and choose to love each other anyway.
Through this kind of bond, you can heal wounds from childhood and all your limiting beliefs about what is possible for you. You can heal limiting beliefs about trust, worthiness, and commitment.
When you heal yourself alongside your beloved the two of you become interdependent and committed to thriving in life. It is with this kind of support that you are able to create a previously unimaginable lifestyle.
The old fantasy of having no problems once you are with your Prince Charming is replaced with the feeling of a deep soul connection to your beloved who is imperfect but is as reliable as tomorrow’s sunrise.
Choose Love Daily
Love is more than a feeling; it is an action. When you choose love, you are choosing to take loving actions with your partner. You can also choose to have compassion for yourself and be forgiving for any mistakes or missteps.
Choosing love is a daily action. It doesn’t just happen, it takes intention and commitment.
Choosing to love the annoying habits of your soulmate allows you to love an imperfect person. The only way to stop those annoying behaviors is to be alone since your beloved is the source of those annoyances.
To create a deep soul connection you have to let someone’s best be good enough. Choosing to love those things that drive you nuts means you’re accepting your soulmate warts and all – just as you wish to be loved.
When you choose love, you make the most powerful choice you can make. You choose forgiveness, compassion, and empathy for all that makes up your partner.
Just because you’ve had your heartbroken doesn’t mean that a deep soul connection with your soulmate is impossible. You are in control of your future and deciding now that you want to create a deep soul connection with your soulmate is the first step.
Are you ready to create a deep soul connection with a loving partner but don’t know where to begin? Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session and we’ll show you the path to the long-lasting, soul-satisfying love you desire.
Orna and Matthew Walters are TV’s favorite dating and relationship experts. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.