This week's question comes from Liz:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
I am writing to you because I really like how you give it to the person straight up each week in your ezine. I am divorced for several years, and have dated A LOT! I’ve had a few boyfriends since my divorce and I guess what I want to know is why would I be attracting the same kind of men into my life?
I find that the men who show up for me are either more interested in sex than a relationship, or they are narcissists, sociopaths or a combination of the two. I’ve listened to a few of your webinars and that makes me think that there must be something with me that I’m attracting these men over and over again.
What can I do to break this pattern?
I really hope you can help me, I’m 48 years old, very attractive, successful and I truly want to share my life with someone.
Struggling to keep the faith.
Thank you for writing to us! We can feel your struggle and we get it – finding lasting love is feeling elusive.
What really stands out for us is the fact that you’re playing “arm-chair” psychologist. If you have been trained to detect these kinds of personality disorders that would be one thing… unfortunately, it’s all too often (and too easy) these days to do some research online and play “expert” when we are not.
Since you shared that you like our direct approach, we are going to give it to you straight. This habit of diagnosing your dates is really saying that you’re not ready for real intimacy and it’s a way of keeping people (potential connections) at a distance.
When we teach our very specific dating strategy we tell our clients to look for reasons to say, “Yes!” What you are currently doing is looking for reasons to say, “No.”
This habit is certainly keeping you safe, yet it is also keeping you from the love and connection that you desire.
Sharing yourself with another person is risky.
Speaking how you feel is risky.
Choosing to love someone is risky.
What we see so many smart single women doing is moving through the motions of online dating, going on dates, and then sitting back and deciding immediately if the man is “The One” or not.
That’s an awful lot of pressure for a first meet, a first date, or even a fifth date!
Dating is a PROCESS!
Learning how to cultivate discernment in the dating process also means giving up the strategies that have kept you “safe” from the risk of really sharing yourself with someone.
If no one is a potential match for you – then you are safe from ever being vulnerable. You are safe from experiencing rejection. You are safe from experiencing heartbreaking disappointment.
Sadly, you’ll also be so safe as to never experience the magic of emotional intimacy and soul-satisfying, long-lasting love!
The good news is that to shift from where you are to where you want to be is not really a big shift; it’s more of a shift of focus.
Your question of what is it ABOUT YOU that is attracting a certain kind of man, hints that you think there is a problem with you. We can assure you that there is nothing “wrong” with you.
Whether you are currently in a relationship trying to decide if you should stay or go, or you’re stone cold single this in-depth 7-module program contains our most powerful processes to create change on the subconscious level.
It’s like having us in your ear walking you through each step. Each module will be delivered to your in-box once a week, and you simply follow along with the audio program (transcript included) and the workbook.
If you’ve always wanted to coach with us but couldn’t afford to, then this is for YOU!
Apply for The Science of Creating Love™
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,