This week's question comes from Amber:
“Dear Orna and Matthew,
Do dating coaches really work? I am about to turn 40, single, never married. I always thought that I’d just meet the right person and we’d figure it together, but so far that hasn’t happened for me. Lately, I have become curious about dating coaches and life coaches. No one I know has ever hired someone to help them in this way so I’m a bit skeptical. (Maybe my friends haven’t shared with me that they have… that’s certainly a possibility.)
How do I know if I need a dating coach? I rather like that you two call yourselves soulmate coaches because having a mate for life is what I truly want. If I ever get married, I want to make sure it lasts.
I hope you’ll select my question to answer. I’ve been reading your blog every week I find the topics you cover fascinating.
Thanks for reaching out to us. We may be biased when asked do dating coaches really work. We’ve devoted our lives to helping people discover the path to creating lasting love.
After a boyfriend beat her, Orna set out on a quest to discover how she chose someone who could hurt her like that. Over a decade later she met Matthew. Together we’ve been helping singles identify and transform their subconscious blocks to love.
There are literally thousands of people who have found their soulmates because of our work. Our in-box regularly receives photos of weddings, engagements, baby births, and children growing older. Receiving these emails (even years after working with a client) fills us with more joy than we can express.
They transformed their love lives because they realized that the strategies they were using weren’t working and that they needed help from an expert. Dating is not something you are born knowing how to do. The common approach to dating comes out of the changes in society over the last 100 years. Dating today exists because people are no longer marrying someone from their village or town or someone who was chosen for them.
Dating is the ideal tool for finding your soulmate. But a tool is only as effective as the person using it. If you don’t have good dating strategies, then a dating coach can be just the thing you need to turn your love life around.
And if you’re looking for a dating coach, there are a few things you’ll want to consider:
Is Your Dating Coach In A Relationship?
A dating coach who is single may be up on the latest trends, but they haven’t figured out the real issue. Dating is a means to an end. It is not the goal. Your coach should have the thing that you want. This is true for coaches in every area. Professional athletes hire other professional athletes as they have walked in their shoes.
What Training/Experience Does Your Dating Coach Have?
Is your dating coach just sharing the tools they learned from someone else? Or are they capable of garnering real results for their clients? Life coach training, a background as a therapist or other type of healer, or real-life experience are all helpful skills to have. It also helps if your dating coach had to solve their own dating struggles as they will have a better understanding of yours.
Does Your Dating Coach Have A Track Record Of Success?
This is probably the most important question because helping you connect with your soulmate is the goal. If your dating coach can’t show you a track record of success, then you should be suspicious of their methods.
Do dating coaches really work? We’d like to share with you a few stories of the success we’ve seen with our clients. These are real stories of real people. We’ve changed their names and a few of their personal details to protect their privacy.
Do Dating Coaches Really Work? 6 Case Studies That Ended In Happily Ever After
(all these people have really been our clients)
“There’s No One In My Area To Date!”
We recently connected with a past client, her husband, and their 6-year-old son. It was so great to see their happy family, and it was easy to forget how heartbroken and frustrated Sarah was when we first spoke.
She lives in a rural town in the South and just couldn’t find anyone she connected with. She also had a strong aversion to online dating. The problem was there just weren’t many opportunities for Sarah to meet men that were single, dating, and shared her interests. She would meet men, but they either weren’t available or weren’t interested.
It took some coaching and a big mindset shift, but Sarah eventually gave in and signed up for a dating site. We assured her that with us by her side, that she’d have a different experience this time. The second man that she met from her online profile was interesting to her and they had a great first date. He lived in another town about 60 miles away and the chances of them ever connecting by happenstance were pretty slim.
The good news is that they did connect because now he is her husband and father of their child. Years of resistance to online dating and her soulmate was the second man she met online. Now that’s some on purpose dating!
Do dating really coaches really work? Only if you’re willing to let go of your resistance and limiting beliefs around your dating strategies.
“I Don’t Get Support From The Men In My Life.”
Our client, Julie, has a very successful business. Very few people in her industry can boast of the success she has achieved. The problem was the men she was attracted to wanted her to give up her business and focus on them.
Her ex-husband was always jealous of her success. She reached out to us because she had recently broken it off with her fiancé after he insisted that she stop working so hard.
She was tired of her pattern of dating narcissistic and selfish men who didn’t support the vision she had for her life and were jealous of her accomplishments. The problem was she didn’t know how to break the pattern all by herself.
We dug in and helped her discover the childhood wound she carried that triggered her attraction to these kinds of men. After guiding her through a profound healing process, we coached her on how to speak her feelings and make requests of the men she was dating. The way they responded to her requests would give her insight into whether they could support her ambitions instead of being in competition with her.
Julie dated several men during her coaching program but one of the first few kept sticking around. He was different than the men she was used to. As they got more serious, he traveled with her to a business conference. He made it his duty to make sure that she ate healthy food and took care of herself throughout the symposium.
She finally felt loved and supported by the man she was dating. It was like a big sigh of relief for her to realize that she could actually have what she longed for.
We spoke with them last December on the day of their wedding. It was so gratifying to see how happy and excited they were about the future they were creating together.
Do dating coaches really work? They do when you’re ready to let go of your childhood wounds and discover a new way to feel loved.
“Love Doesn’t Feel Safe.”
Diana was a very successful, independent woman who was about to turn 60 years old and had never been married when she reached out to us. She is smart, articulate, and had done a lot of work on herself, but lasting love had been elusive for her.
She shared with us how growing up her father was very hard on her and her mother. Her two younger brothers got the benefit of the doubt, but she never did. Even though she took over the family business when her father retired, she was always in a power struggle with her brothers.
Being the oldest she took responsibility for everyone in her family to get along. She was in the role of fixing things between them. This usually came at the sacrifice of what she really wanted.
Ultimately, she didn’t feel safe with most of the men in her life and found it difficult to trust anyone else to look out for her interests. This led to her being very independent, and she found it difficult to open her heart to men.
Before Diana was ready to start dating, she needed to clean up some of her personal relationships. She set clear boundaries with her brothers and pushed some toxic friends out of her inner circle. She began to practice speaking up for herself and asking for what she needed instead of making excuses for others.
When she started dating with our guidance, one man stood out for her, and he was ready to go exclusive right away. We coached her to take it slowly so that she could discover who he was and what his intentions were. They started dating exclusively on the most romantic day of the year, Valentine’s Day! One year later they purchased a home together with the intention of getting married.
When we last spoke with her, she shared that she couldn’t have imagined going through quarantine and the COVID-19 pandemic without his love and support.
Do dating coaches really work? They do when you are ready to face your fears and ask for what you really want.
“I’m Afraid I’m Doing It Wrong!”
When Isabel reached out to us, she was recently divorced and was having trouble with her 6-year-old son. He was acting out and would fight with her whenever she asked him to help. Being a single mother with a young son, she wasn’t sure how dating would go or even if she would be able to make the time.
Fortunately, she had a good relationship with her ex-husband, and he was co-parenting with her. She had moved to a foreign country when they married and even though she was fluent in several languages, she wasn’t making any connections with the local men she was meeting.
On her coaching calls, she would spend a lot of time explaining all the details of her dates, and when we asked her to keep the plot points brief and more to the point she became very upset. She had a sudden realization that she was sharing all the details so that we could tell her that her behavior was okay. That she wasn’t doing everything wrong.
It became clear had been blaming herself for the failure of her marriage. We also discovered that she was working hard on all her dates to keep the men entertained, even when she wasn’t interested in a relationship with them.
From that moment on, things changed quickly for her. She relaxed and allowed men to pursue her instead of the other way around. She allowed herself to be treated like she was the prize.
She’s now married to a wonderful man who pursued her for a relationship from the start. They regularly check in with us about their life together and how much their love has grown.
Do dating coaches really work? They do when you stop trying to take care of everyone else and decide to love yourself no matter what.
“I’m Too Old For Love.”
Ethel joined one of our high-level group programs at the age of 77. She didn’t believe that she would be able to find love at her age, but being an eternal optimist, she was willing to give it a try.
She had a very rough childhood and a difficult relationship with her mother. Her marriage was tumultuous, and she was estranged from her adult daughter. She had overcome a lot to get to where she was, but the scars were deep.
However, Ethel was always open and willing to look at her past and release any anger and resentment she felt about what had happened. Despite her age, she was healthy, active, and had more energy than most people 30 years younger.
It didn’t take long for her to meet someone, and it seemed like a good connection. But ultimately, he couldn’t keep up with her physically and emotionally. She used this experience to give her hope that she could find the love she wanted.
Ethel has now spent the last 4 years with a sweet man who adores her and joins her on her adventures. They love to travel together, and through the past year, they spent more quiet time at home.
Do dating coaches really work? If you are willing to keep hope alive no matter your age or circumstances, then you can create the love you want.
“I’m Too Broken. No One Will Love Me.”
When Megan agreed to work with us, she was broken-hearted because the man she was pining for had found someone else. She had convinced herself that what they had was special when he just saw her as a friend he could confide in.
Megan grew up without a father and a narcissistic mother who she could never please. She had learned early on that she had to work hard to get anyone to notice her or give her the affection she desired. This led to her regularly sacrificing herself and her needs to get the love she wanted.
Her latest heartbreak was just the most recent example.
Through dating coaching with us, Megan’s confidence in herself grew quickly and she was able to free her heart from the dead-end situation she had found herself in. She realized that her circumstances didn’t have to define her and that she could create what she wanted from life.
She recently celebrated one year since she met her guy. They’re moving in together and creating an amazing life together, supporting each other along the way.
Do dating coaches really work? When you realize that you can give new meaning to past events and embrace your worthiness you can create miracles.
What Is Stopping You From Taking That Leap?
The fact that you’re reading this tells us that you are looking for help. You probably realize that things aren’t just going to suddenly change one day and if you don’t figure things out soon, you will be missing out.
Love doesn’t discriminate. No matter your circumstances you can create the lasting love you desire. You are not broken, and love has not passed you by. You just need an outside expert eye to identify what is in your way, support you to create new strategies, and update your communication skills.
There is no shame in seeking out dating coaching or in asking for expert advice. If it was easy, then you would have figured it out a long time ago.
We have been helping clients for over a decade discover their hidden blocks so they can share their life with a beloved partner. Whatever your situation, we can craft a personal program just for you. Sign up for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session. You can check us out while we give you insight into your specific blocks and guide you on your path to love.
Orna and Matthew Walters are Soulmate Coaches who have been featured guest experts on Bravo’s THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.