This week's question comes from Tali:
“Hi Orna and Matthew
Thanks for all the great work you do! I've bought a few of your programs and love them!!
My question is stemming from your recent response to Joyce's question that you answered last week.
I understand the dynamics of feminine and masculine energy, and you mentioned “stay in the energy (the one you choose/prefer) during the dating process.”
The guy I'm dating has asked me to be exclusive but does that mean now I can be a bit more in my masculine? (I'm wondering what you meant by stay in your specific energy ONLY during the dating process and once you’re in a committed relationship you can shift a bit – would you explain further?
Also wondering how do you ask for requests from the guy you’re dating whilst staying in feminine energy? (Because isn't asking to see him more often/or for him to call you, etc being in the masculine?
Thanks for your time, hope to hear from you both.”
Thank you for your follow up question from last week’s Love Notes Weekly newsletter. This is a wonderful opportunity for us to go even DEEPER into how things evolve in relationship, specifically on the subject of masculine and feminine energy.
We’ll start with the “tough love” first…
While you state that you, “Understand the dynamics of feminine and masculine energy,” however it is clear to us by your question that you are confused as most of the women we speak with every week all around the globe as to how these energies function in relationship.
Making requests is not at all being in your masculine energy. Speaking how you feel and making requests is absolutely, positively coming from your feminine energy – especially if you begin with a feeling statement and then make your request.
Additionally, it is not your role as the feminine in relationship to ask to see him more, or to speak with him more often. The role of the pursuer is assigned to the masculine energy.
Be mad at us if you like, but you will not change biology…
A vagina receives a penis and there is no way that you will ever change that to be the other way around.
We are a bit perplexed because it seems to us that you misunderstood us somehow that being in your feminine is a role you’re playing until you are in a commitment. Let us be crystal clear that is NOT AT ALL WHAT WE STATED.
If you want to be loved for who you REALLY are than it is imperative you be authentic. Being authentic means that you show up and speak how you feel. When you do this, you will be coming from your FEMININE energy.
When you as the woman allow a man to pursue you (instead of you pursuing him) you will NEVER have to ask him where the relationship is going, nor ever wonder what his intentions are for you!
Asking to see him more means you are pursuing him – period.
Asking him to call you more means you are pursing him – not quite as clear-cut as the above statement.
Things get into the gray area very quickly.
It is unacceptable to behave a certain way through the dating cycle and then change once there is a commitment of exclusivity.
What we stated last week we will clarify again: it is imperative if you want the man to LEAD that you come from your feminine energy. It is MOST IMPORTANT in the dating process to set up the energetic dynamic the way you would like it to be at the start.
Once you are in relationship, things will naturally ebb and flow. This means you are not suddenly behaving differently… you will NATURALLY – as in GRADUALLY – settle in to that ebb and flow of the energy between the two of you.
In the dating process, it’s ideal if you only call him to return a phone call. When you’re exclusive and committed, call him when you have something to say.
Matthew pursued Orna through the entire dating process; however, once we were married Orna took over our social calendar scheduling seeing our friends and family.
Allowing the energetics to ebb and flow between you will occur all on it’s own… nothing you need to do to suddenly behave differently.
Honestly, we hear from way too many men who have suffered from the “Bait And Switch” where once they are in a relationship everything changed and they are heartbroken… because the woman they fell in love with is nowhere in sight, and most importantly they don’t know how to WIN with the woman they are in a relationship with.
When the masculine/feminine dynamic is healthy and balanced the relationship will appear like two ballroom dancers who come together in a beautiful dance where the man provides the solid foundation for the woman to twist and twirl and do her thing. Together they supply what the other needs to create the dance – something they could never do all alone.
To be clear we never said to only be in your feminine ONLY in the dating process… we simply meant that as you grow together with someone the dynamic between you will ebb and flow.
For love to last – the selection process is what is most important. That means you have to know how to choose someone who holds the same values as you.
If you’re not sure what your values are, our breakthrough program Your Soulmate Blueprint® will guide you to become clear on your Relationship Drivers (your values in intimate relationship). It is the “you are here” spot on your relationship map.
Once you know where you are it is easier to decide where you are going and what you want to create. This program guides you through that whole process. Knowing what your true heart’s desire is in relationship makes it so easy to select a good match because you can evaluate on much more than a feeling – because feelings change.
You can read more about Your Soulmate Blueprint® here.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,