This week's question comes from Samantha:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I have been following you two for a while and I really love your very direct responses. I resonate so much with what you two share and I think you give the best dating advice. Now it’s my turn to ask a question. I sure hope you pick mine to answer! (Please pick me!)
I just don’t like dating. In fact, I hate it. I know how to date; I just don’t like it. It feels fake and phony and quite frankly I don’t meet any men that I find remotely attractive. Online is bad enough, and when I go to singles events offline there are always way more women than men and it feels yucky and competitive.
Do I have to date to find my Beloved?
I really do hope you answer my question even though I am quite certain you will say that I do have to date…
Thank you for all you do to help people like me.”
There’s no way we could pass up answering your question! First of all you made a sweet direct request that we “Pick you,” and secondly, you are asking about our favorite subject of all – DATING!
Do you have to date to find your Beloved?
We don’t like absolutes so we are not going to say that unequivocally you must date, however, we know that dating can be the fastest most effective way for you to connect with your Beloved for more than just the most obvious of reasons.
The most obvious reason is that if you don’t date at all, how are you going to connect with men who want a relationship?
The least obvious is that you can learn so much about yourself through the dating process. Things you would never discover through any other method.
We tell our clients that dating is like being in a laboratory – Run the experiment. It’s just as important for you to deselect someone who is not an ideal match as it is to select someone.
Most people do the reverse of what we recommend when dating. They excuse bad behavior because of the presence of chemistry. People show you who they are – believe them!
Dating with rose-colored glasses will only bring you heartache. The time to put those on is AFTER you’ve made the commitment with someone. The person you are dating is likely a stranger so proceed with caution. See him exactly as he is showing up, not who you hope for him to be.
We always say that, “Hope is the first thing that comes into a relationship, and it is the last thing to leave.”
It sounds like you put a lot of effort into dating and that your dislike comes from looking at the results or lack thereof. What if dating was actually a tool to discover more about yourself
What if instead of hoping and wishing that the next date is your Beloved, what if you set aside all that hope and just focused on YOU?
In order to really date in the Dating Lab you need to have a few guys in rotation. Notice your own behavior. Are you the same with each guy? If not, what’s different?
Are you online browsing and looking for reasons to say, “No” or “Yes” to a potential date offline?
Online dating is simply a tool to get offline dates. If you’re not getting offline dates then you are not using the tool correctly.
What patterns and strategies can you identify of your own that show up through the dating process?
Are you rushing through dating hoping to jump into a committed relationship as fast as possible? If you are, then you are doing yourself a huge disservice.
Dating is meant to be a process that cultivates discernment. That discernment allows you to identify an ideal match for soul-satisfying, long-lasting love.
If you’re unsure of your patterns and strategies that are keeping you from the love you want, the best advice we have for you is to apply for a Your Love Imprint® Session with us.
During this private session with us we will identify exactly what is keeping you from creating a lasting loving relationship.
The majority of our clients bring in their Beloved, and for many of those, their Beloved ends up being someone that they already knew… however, ALL of them dated to discover more about themselves and what they truly desired before settling down in a commitment with their lifelong partner.
So, do you ‘have to’ date… our answer to sum it all up is to ask you, why wouldn’t you date if it’s going to speed up the process of living your life alongside your Beloved?
Love and Abundance,