This week’s question comes from Paula:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
I hope you can help me!
Here’s my pattern…every single time I allow myself to TRULY love a man and trust/become vulnerable/believe he loves me back, then he leaves. All different types of men, wildly variable circumstances and timelines, but each time I chose to love, they leave. Of course the ones I don’t care about I can’t get rid of…
Is this just a case of men only wanting what they can’t have?!?
Thanks for reaching out to us! We’ve heard some version of your question from so many women and we want you to know that this is something we can help you with. The first step is to realize that the problem is not what you think it is.
Men, when they are ready for a relationship, will pursue a woman they desire. They will move the relationship forward. They will ask for a commitment. And they will stick around through good times and bad.
Men who are not ready for a relationship will do none of these things. However, they do still want company, regular sex, and even intimacy – especially if the woman is doing all of the work for them.
Clearly your problem doesn’t have to do with whether or not the men you are dating are ready for a relationship or not (we shared that part because we want you to understand that there isn’t some deeper truth about men being more attracted to women they can’t have).
The reason you are struggling is inside of you. You have a subconscious program that believes that love feels like abandonment (or something similar to that). This program makes men who are not interested in a long-term relationship appear attractive to you, and men who are interested in a relationship appear unattractive to you.
We call this subconscious program Your Love Imprint®. It is determined when you were a small child (0-8 years old) in your family of origin. Your Love Imprint® consists of your limiting beliefs, mental/emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies around giving and receiving love.
You are choosing to allow yourself to love men who reflect back to you the energetic dynamic of love that was present for you in your family of origin. Ask yourself what happened in your childhood that led to you believing that love and abandonment are linked. You can dig even deeper and discover what limiting beliefs you have about yourself that make it feel like love is not available for you.
Doing this investigation is the first step to Creating Love On Purpose®. Discovering your internal blocks can give you some great insight into why love feels so hard. Then you can begin the work of dismantling those beliefs and strategies. This is the key to transforming your story.
This is the Do-It-Yourself program for discovering and transforming Your Love Imprint®. This digital program comes with PDF, Audio, and Workbook so you can identify the blocks and patterns keeping you from the love you want and some powerful tools for transforming them all on your own.
Click Here for The Soulmate Shortcut™
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,