This week’s question comes from Rachel:
I love your emails and work; I have been on your list for years. I enjoy watching you two interact with one another. I know I’m a smart woman, perhaps too smart for my own good.
I find I’m always questioning my choices in men. I’m constantly wondering if he is the right guy for me or not. So what happens is that I get overly critical and nitpicky looking for mistakes. And yet I know deep down that I don’t want to settle for just okay. I want the real deal.
I really hate that I get so judgey with the men I’m dating and I can’t seem to break the pattern!
I like that I have a brain and yet I feel like my intelligence is my biggest obstacle to making it last. Please help me so that I can stop being so critical and finally find my ‘Matthew!'”
Thank you for reaching out. We think you get that Orna is a smart and also powerful woman who did manage to find just the right guy for her – which means you can too! Let’s take a look at what might be going on here.
Most of the smart women we speak with have a highly developed intellect, yet their EGS – Emotional Guidance System – is underdeveloped.
Are you able to identify how you feel?
Do you often spin in your head about what you should do with your emotions?
Do you often struggle to create connection with the guys you are interested in?
If the above is often true for you, what’s going on is that you’ve forsaken your emotional life and focused on your intellect.
- Your feelings are not a problem to be solved.
- Your feelings are always valid.
- Your feelings are signal of information about what is going on with you.
When you become a master of your emotional life you’ll know how to create connection with anyone you desire to connect with.
You won’t be able to connect with another person until you are connected to yourself – and that means being able to know how you feel and simply allow those feelings to exist without judgment.
Judgment is the most insidious block to love!
Ultimately, when we attempt to analyze our emotions we are judging them. Being okay with your humanness is allowing yourself to have an emotional life.
During a coaching session with a client the other day, we worked through what to say in a difficult conversation with a good friend. When we asked our client how she felt about the current situation she said, “I feel like I can’t do anything right.”
What is so fascinating about this statement is there no FEELING included. Not being able to do something right is a thought. This example shows the limitation of the big prefrontal cortex that allows us to analyze and judge.
Unfortunately that part of our brain is binary it is like a light switch with only 2 options: Right or Wrong.
When we come from this part of us, we make other people bad and wrong in the attempt to make ourselves feel good. We use is this as a way to think that we are good and right.
In relationship it is important to remember to come from our heart space. The heart is our emotional center. When we come from our heart – we can come from love. In this space there is room for many options – not just the binary choice of right or wrong.
Being smart is not necessarily your ally when it comes to creating the love you want because by being smart, the blanks are filled in more quickly.
In order to manifest something that you’ve never had, old habits have to be transformed into new ones that serve you. As human beings we are wired for survival and you do not need a great love life in order to survive.
Our Science Of Creating Love™ – Home Study Program is comprehensive and guides you through this kind of transformation over a 7-week period. Two processes that access the subconscious mind are included in each module so the learning is both cognitive and experiential.
The best part is that you’ll own each module of The Science Of Creating Love™ so you’ll have each process in your toolbox forever! The results are profound and lasting.
We are here to be your guides to long-lasting love.
Love and Abundance,