This week's question comes from Joanie:
Dear Orna and Matthew,
I am a highly educated woman and I work mostly with men as I am an engineer. I have spent the majority of my adult life really working hard to establish myself in a field ruled by men, and I’ve been very successful in that part of my life.
Now that I’ve been reading your emails and watching your videos I’m starting to understand why I haven’t been able to maintain a great love relationship. I guess you could say I have overly-developed my masculine side at the expense of my feminine.
When you speak about feminine energy being receptive I must be honest, I’m a bit lost. You say that it’s not being passive and yet how is one receptive without being passive?
I suppose I don’t really get it and I’d like some clarity as I truly think you may have the answer to what has kept me from having the great love relationship I used to think would simply “happen.”
It’s possible that I’m overthinking everything – that would certainly be something I do… and yet I haven’t been able to stop thinking about your last teleclass when you had everyone identify the emotions that are underneath the desire for love. That was really genius and I agree that it’s the emotion that is the “rudder on your boat.”
Clearly my rudder is not programmed to get me what I want. Now that I just turned 45 I’m starting to think that my chances for love are slim and I tend to hold onto to men who are not necessarily my ideal match. I fear that will be the best that I can do.
Thank you for your heartfelt question and for sharing so openly with us and our Love On Purpose community. We selected your question to answer this week because we speak with so many women like you, who are successful in their career, and yet struggling in love.
First we want to share with you that there is nothing wrong with you. Even if you have an “over-developed” masculine side doesn’t mean you don’t get to have love in your life.
The fact that you are highly educated may have been an issue in creating your current struggle, however, it can be your path to love because you can learn new strategies!
Throw out that saying, “You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” First off, at 45 you are not “old,” and if you think about connecting with your Beloved within in the next 5 years you would be together for close to 50 years! There’s plenty of time.
We live in a society obsessed with youth and one that honors and cherishes youth in order to sell us goods – it has nothing to do with how our life unfolds, nor the length of time we have here (which we never know anyway).
The lyric from the song Nature Boy by Eden Ahbez is our all-time favorite: The greatest thing you’ll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
This really spells it out. The fact that you are “teachable” means you are likely coachable. Right now you are simply using the wrong tool – your big beautiful brain – to solve an issue that it cannot help you with.
Being in your feminine is about being receptive AND making requests. It’s the request part that is essential. Communication skills are not really taught in school. We learn how to communicate by modeling what was around us as small children – when we first learned to speak.
HOW you make the request of a man is just as important as making the request itself. Be sure to frame the request using primarily “I” language. Be clear on what you want him to do and how it will make you feel. Finally, after making a request pay attention to the response you get.
How someone behaves informs you about that person. How you respond to their behavior informs you about yourself. If he is ready and willing to fulfill your request, then you know this is a man who wants to make you happy. If he gets defensive or justifies his behavior, he may not be ready to step up and be the man you want.
You can certainly continue on your own attempting to think your way to success in love. That is a long, tough road. On our own we move forward like a stretched out slinky (or worse yet, one that is barely stretched out at all). We move forward a tiny bit and then we circle back around, and around, and around. It is the nature of how we learn on our own.
Working with a skilled expert you get to leapfrog forward on the path with little to no circular motion!
You would have never attempted being an engineer without the proper schooling and yet most of stumble in and out of love without any training whatsoever. We’ve been brainwashed by society that love should simply happen by accident.
The statistics themselves show that is a complete fallacy! The divorce rate on first marriages in the U.S. sits at 48%. By third marriage that number skyrockets to 75%!! So we don’t just magically, accidentally get better at relationship by switching out our partner.
It is our mission to spread the message of Love On Purpose and bust the myth of accidental love. Most love by accident ends up with a dysfunctional love relationship.
When you craft your relationship on purpose, you end up being very clear on what will give you soul-satisfying love long term. You won’t be spending time with a wrong match because the right match for you will be crystal clear. Your heart, your mind, and your subconscious will be in harmony to support the love that is in your true heart’s desire.
The first step is to discover the hidden blocks that are in your way and create a plan for transforming them.
Our DIY program The Soulmate Shortcut guides you through the process of discovering and transforming Your Love Imprint®. This link will send you to an in depth video that will explain much more than what we can share with you here.
The love you seek is inside of you and we would be truly honored to be your guides so you can experience this universal truth.
Keep us posted on your journey to love.