This week’s question comes from JJ:
“Dear Orna and Matthew,
I am so grateful to you both for your willingness to share your own personal experiences to allow others to learn and grow. I look forward to your Monday newsletters because I know I will find something worthy to ponder and explore in my own life.
I’m struggling with an on-going issue in my current 16-month relationship and hope you can shed some light. I was married for 30 years to a man who decided to leave me for a woman he took up with out of the blue. My ex is a highly intelligent guy but something snapped in him at age 51 and he took this other path. I was devastated because I felt we had a very solid, loving and stable marriage. Fast forward four years and I am now in a wonderful relationship with a great guy my same age, and with similar values. He’s kind, generous, loving, and handsome however he is less intelligent than I. There are times conversations leave him staring at me or others blankly because he doesn’t appear to follow the historical context or know of a current news story. Oftentimes, he misuses vocabulary or can’t clearly explain an idea. I don’t consider myself of any sort of genius IQ but I am well educated and have traveled a fair amount. He has even commented at times that he fears I’m too smart for him. He is by no means stupid but perhaps of a more average intelligence than what I had come to know being married for so long to someone that was extremely smart. My question is whether this kind of relationship can survive and grow? I love him and enjoy our time together. He is funny and sweet….thoughtful and kind….joyful and positive…..and he loves me dearly.
Thank you for your thoughts and insights.
Thank you for your question and it’s nice to know you’ve been receiving benefit from our newsletters.
The truth about longevity in intimate relationship is that the couple must share similar VALUES. If this is the case with your boyfriend than certainly your love will stand the test of time.
The question you want to ask yourself is this: Can you accept him exactly as he is today without any hope that he will change?
If you believe that he needs to change something in order to for you to stay together then it is likely to create a rift between you when he does not.
You seem so sure that you are smarter than he is; however, there are many different ways of being “smart.” Book smart and street smart are very different things. A highly educated person may excel in a classroom or even a boardroom, which may never translate to being a great lover, partner, or friend.
What you are really asking is: Can this relationship survive the judgment you carry about your current boyfriend?
Only you have the answer to that question.
There is only one way to heal judgment and that is with compassion.
Let’s say that you found out that you are Mensa level genius and your boyfriend is simply a regular guy in the smarts department.
Would this affect how your relationship functions?
Do you hold some limiting belief that says your partner must be smarter than you are? That the man must be smarter than the woman?
What cultural, social, generational belief are you holding onto? Is that belief serving you?
When we say, “I love you” to each other that means we accept one another exactly as they are… warts and all!
Love comes from the heart, JJ – perhaps it is time to evaluate your own values about what is truly important to you in relationship.
In our programs we work in three phases: Dismantling, Stepping Into Your Authentic Self, and the Creation phase.
It is in the creation phase that our clients gain a clear vision of their True Soul Partnership (after all the blocks have been dismantled). If you are unsure of what is important to you in relationship (deal-breakers vs. wants vs. needs) this is the deep inner work of the creation phase.
The process must occur in this order, you cannot skip ahead to the creation phase without removing the blocks first – the vision of what you desire to create will be skewed otherwise.
Our home study course The Science of Creating Love™ guides you through the 3 phases in 7 weeks so that you can have a new appreciation of what you desire and how to create it – whether you are single or currently in a relationship.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,