This week’s question comes from Monika:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I’m crushed… once again it did not work out. I feel like I gave him everything. I moved to his state after the two of us going back and forth for a couple years.
Then I felt like I had given up too much and felt bitter that I changed my entire life to only be let down. Miraculously, we stayed together… I moved back to my “home.” The long story short… it’s over now. He told me that he could never give me what I really want.
After all these years together I continually assured him that all I wanted was HIM! So I felt like not enough. Now more than ever I wonder if I will ever find a love that lasts.
It seems I only get brief spurts of love, but not what it looks like the two of you have. When I see the two of you, it’s clear – YOU BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER! I want that too.
Thank you for reaching out to us even through the pain you’re going through. Breaking up is hard – whether it’s been months or decades – all break-ups suck.
The bad news is that the only way out is through. You must feel all of those feelings you don’t want to. On the other side of them is a whole new version of you.
No doubt you’ve heard the saying, “What we resist persists” – yes? Well, it’s most certainly correct when it comes to emotions.
You’ll have to go through a grieving process. It could take a long time, or no time at all. That all depends on you, and you cannot skip over it. Attempting to skip the grieving process simply draws out the pain over a longer period of time.
You came here as spirit to feel the full range of human emotions. FEEL THEM. WELCOME THEM. IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THEM.
Lasting love does not come from being in sacrifice. The only thing that comes from sacrifice is anger and resentment. It’s clear from your question that you went into sacrifice for this relationship.
You are in charge of taking care of you first – and then everyone else.
Just like on an airplane when the flight attendant explains that if cabin pressure should drop, masks will fall from the ceiling and if you’re with someone who needs assistance put your own mask on first.
If you cannot breathe you cannot help someone else breathe.
Thinking that you can be enough for someone to feel better about himself is a recipe for disaster.
We are each in charge of our own happiness. No one will come into your life and love you more than you love yourself. The issue is most people have no clue how to implement Self-Love.
Self-Love is a practice. You could think of it as a ritual, a habit, a custom – and these things that you do are not a chore, or something you do until “the guy” shows up in your life. In fact, continuing your self-love practices while in relationship are an excellent way to keep your intimate relationship healthy and balanced.
The best description we’ve found that explains why humans ought to partner up is a Swedish Proverb that says this:
Shared Joy Is Double Joy
Shared Sorrow Is Half Sorrow
If you want to double your joy and halve your sorrow that is exactly what a soul-satisfying, long-lasting love relationship is for!
It sounds to us as if your Selection Process is off. Dating is supposed to cultivate discernment so you can select an ideal match for yourself.
Most people simply date until they meet someone that sparks all the feels… then they are surprised that it didn’t work out.
The one thing you can rely on is that your feelings will change! Feelings alone are not a good indicator that the person is a good match for you.
Just as we started with mentioning how important it is to feel your feelings of grief, it is just as important that you feel those good feelings at the start of a relationship.
That chemistry spark is important – it serves a purpose – to fill your tank so you can get through the 2nd Stage Of Relationship – the Power Struggle Stage.
If you want to be crystal clear on how to select an ideal partner, our 100% digital program Your Soulmate Blueprint® clears out the unnecessary so you can be left with what really drives you in relationship allowing you to identify your ideal match out in the world.
This program works with your subliminal mind so you can utilize all of you to craft the vision of your True Soul Partnership. By moving through the processes in the audio program you’ll be in a place to create what you want. The workbook allows your conscious mind to assist you rather than being in your way. When these two parts of your mind are in harmony, you’re in the perfect place to craft soulmate love.
You can order Your Soulmate Blueprint® here – and because it’s digital, you can get started immediately – even if it’s 1:00am.
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,