This week’s question comes from Michelle:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
I have been divorced for about 1 1/2 years now, and dated one man (that I met in “real life”) for approximately three months – we had amazing chemistry, but he broke it off. I was heartbroken, but now I am pretty much over him.
A couple of months after I quit seeing that guy, I started online dating. I have been at it a little over a year now. I have had a ton of dates (I would estimate approximately 15 – 20 different guys so far) mostly very nice guys with a lot going for them, but I just did not feel chemistry with them. I really try, and I dated a few of them multiple times (one for 1 1/2 months!) because I had fun with these guys and hoped the chemistry would come for me. Alas, it hasn’t.
I am feeling pretty discouraged and am about to give up online dating. I think I maybe need to meet guys in person because then I know I will feel attracted to them. But everything I read says online dating is a means of meeting available men that should be included in one’s repertoire if you are really looking for love (as I am). And I don’t meet a ton of guys in “real life” even though I try to get out and be active in social activities and interests.
What am I to do? I feel like I am wasting time going on dates with these guys that I have to try to convince myself to kiss or touch. And I am a healthy hot-blooded woman in my early 40’s – when I feel attracted to a man, I don’t mind receiving or returning physical affection (I enjoy it and crave this.) But sometimes I get worried that I will never attract a nice man who is physically attractive to me again. It has been so long and I am really trying!! I would rather be alone than be with a man I am not attracted to. But I really want a nice sexy man in my life!! I don’t want to be alone.
I would appreciate any guidance you could give.
We really understand that you are feeling discouraged about your lack of results with online dating and that you are looking for guidance as to whether you should continue or just try to meet men in person.
We have one thing to say: Online dating is simply a tool to connect with men so you can meet offline and potentially date.
Whether you first connect with them online or in real life doesn’t matter and has nothing to do with the real question.
The real question you’re asking us is, “Why do I keep meeting men that I don’t have an attraction to?”
And we would add, why do you feel obligated to kiss or touch men you are not attracted to?
The timeline you’ve described above sounds like you barely took any time after your divorce before you started dating again.
Did you take time to discover how or why you’re marriage ended and what part you played in it ending?
Did you look into your patterns in relationship in hopes of not repeating the same mistakes?
Have you determined whether your strategies in relationship are actually leading you towards what you really want?
It makes sense that you would feel exhausted if you’ve been investing a lot of time, energy, and hope in simply meeting someone for the first time and then go through that again, and again, and again, and again, etc.
This is the definition of love by accident.
Most people think they will just magically meet the “right” person one day and then all their relationship issues will be a thing of the past.
In a matter of speaking, you are doing it backwards.
Right now you are hoping to have the spark of attraction with someone and it is frustrating that you haven’t had that happen.
Have you thought about where things would go if you did feel that way?
What has happened for you in the past? Clearly, somewhere along the way it went awry because it didn’t work out. You didn’t get the long-lasting, soul-satisfying love you were hoping for.
In Love By Accident, you meet someone, feel the spark of attraction, and then twist into a pretzel in the attempt to continue the elusive feeling of that spark and attraction.
The entire world of dating is a completely different experience once you have identified and transformed Your Love Imprint®.
Your Love Imprint is the system running in your subconscious mind that determines who you have the spark of attraction with. It is made up of your limiting beliefs, your mental/emotional patterns, and your behavioral strategies around giving and receiving love.
See, knowing your patterns in relationship does absolutely nothing for you if you don’t know what to actually do with that information.
Right now you have the cart in front of the horse – so you can’t steer, you can’t really see where you’re heading, and you just keep hoping that the cart will somehow land at your intended destination.
To set things into the proper order you must start at the beginning: identifying Your Love Imprint®.
Once you know what is driving your choices in relationship, then you can map out a plan to make any necessary changes. You can have a clear route in mind with strategies to support you to create what you most desire!
Let’s face it, most online dating sites match you up with someone that you have things in common with – that’s a platonic friend! The spark of attraction comes from the differences – not the similarities between two people.
You can learn the strategies to date for your soulmate – but doing that BEFORE knowing Your Love Imprint® is simply a recipe for more heartache and disappointment.
Schedule a Your Love Imprint® Session today for only $197 and get started on the journey to your Beloved… he is out there looking for you, and we would guess that right now you don’t recognize him.
Complete your application today by clicking this link: www.YourLoveImprint.com.
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,