This week’s question comes from Dina:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
Here’s my question: How do I attract my soulmate?
I’m new to your work and I like what I’ve seen so far. I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about finding a soulmate. I’ve never been married and while I date a lot I’ve never dated a man that I wanted to marry. I guess I’ve been dating by accident ;).
Now that I’m thinking about actually wanting to get married, how do I identify and attract a soulmate into my life?
Thanks for reaching out to us! So much of what you can achieve in your life begins with making a decision that you really want something. Shifting your focus from just dating and asking, “How do I attract my soulmate?” is a profound step.
The journey to your soulmate is a journey of self-discovery, one that will transform your life in ways that you can’t yet imagine. Congratulations on taking the first steps!
Since you are at the beginning, we’d like to give you a map. This map will show you the bigger steps you’ll want to take on your journey so that you can get on the path to long-lasting, soul-satisfying love.
So many people just stumble into love and get frustrated when it doesn’t work out. This is an accidental approach to love. Sex is instinctual in human beings. Long-term monogamous relationships are not instinctual. They require good relationship and communication skills. One of the most important skills is choosing an ideal partner.
Soulmate relationships don’t just magically happen when you meet the “right” person. Take intentional steps to attract an ideal partner. This will leverage your efforts to create a soulmate relationship that will last a lifetime.
7 Steps To Attract A Soulmate Into Your Life:
Start Where You Are
Lasting love doesn’t just happen for most people. Having a childhood sweetheart, marrying that person, and living happily ever after is not a likely scenario you’ll fall into. There are a plethora of songs written about heartbreak for a reason.
You’re asking, “How do I attract my soulmate?” This shows that you are becoming intentional about your search for love. Congrats!
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You’ll want to start by investigating why your efforts haven’t paid off yet. Identify what is getting in your way currently from attracting your soulmate. This may include your limiting beliefs about love and relationship, your behavioral strategies that stop you from creating intimacy, or your mental and emotional patterns that are blocking you.
You are probably not aware of these strategies and beliefs yet. Bringing awareness to what is hidden allows you to identify what isn’t working in your favor. There is a reason that you haven’t focused on finding your soulmate until now.
Were your parents in a happy, loving relationship? Did you have an emotionally healthy childhood that taught you how to manage your emotional life and communicate what you need and want?
How can you attract your soulmate? Start by discovering your blocks to love so that you can change what no longer works for you.
Heal The Wounds From Your Past
Part of being human is accepting that you are not going to be perfect. Like everybody, you made mistakes in your past. You trusted someone you shouldn’t have. You behaved badly in a stressful situation. You invested your heart too quickly.
Whatever you did, or whatever happened to you, doesn’t have to determine your fate. Your past does not determine your future if you do the work of learning from your past and healing your wounds.
For some people, this will be the most important work of their lives. You can’t change what happened to you. You can’t go back and undo the events of your past. But you can change the meaning of those events, reclaim your power, and heal your heart.
The key to moving forward despite your past is to practice forgiveness.
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone feels hurt by the behavior of those they love. In order to attract your soulmate, forgive yourself and others for those past mistakes. Leave the past behind you.
How can you attract your soulmate despite your past? Forgive yourself, forgive others, and grow from your past experiences.
Release Judgment And Practice Compassion
Judgment is the biggest block to your soulmate. Ultimately all judgment is self-judgment. Your judgment of others comes from your lack of acceptance of your own flaws.
Learn to love all the parts of you – the good, the bad, and the ugly. If you want to be loved unconditionally, you have to love yourself exactly as you are. This will allow you to love and accept another without judgment.
You don’t have to be perfect in order for you to bring in a soulmate relationship. Every human being makes mistakes.
At the root, all of your behavior has positive intent. This means that your strategies are trying to help you feel good, even when those strategies leave you feeling crappy about yourself and your life. Instead of judging yourself for your results, practice compassion for the part of you that is trying to help get you what you need and want. Don’t judge the results (it takes practice).
Practice compassion with yourself and others despite the mistakes you’ll both make. This is an essential skill for love to last. You will spend your life with another flawed human being, just as you will always be imperfect too. Your integrity is all about how you behave when you make mistakes.
Remember, everyone is doing their best. Have compassion for people who don’t have great strategies.
Then do the work of upgrading your relationship software. You are attracted to what is familiar (even over and above what you desire). You will reject love that doesn’t match what you feel inside. Change how you feel about yourself on the inside and you will change your results out in the world.
How do you attract your soulmate when you judge yourself and others? Practice compassion, learn to love your flaws, and upgrade your relationship strategies.
Show Up Authentically
Don’t you want someone to love you for who you really are? Stop twisting into a pretzel trying to get someone to love you. Instead, show up authentically and let your freak flag fly so your beloved can find you!
It is your uniqueness that your soulmate will love and appreciate. Don’t worry about what you think other people are looking for. Don’t try to manipulate people into wanting to be with you.
Showing up authentically doesn’t mean that you share all of your dirty secrets on a first date. It also doesn’t mean that you share your honest opinion about your date.
Authenticity is speaking your emotional truth. It is sharing how you feel and asking for what you want. It requires that you don’t avoid conflict or downplay what is important to you.
Knowing what you want and asking for it is a very attractive quality in a partner. Your soulmate won’t just intuitively know what will make you happy, but your soulmate will definitely want to bring you joy.
How do you attract your soulmate and be loved unconditionally? Show up authentically and ask for what you want.
Use Dating As A Tool For Growth
Most people don’t like to date. They see it as a necessary evil but don’t really commit to dating in a way that gets good results. However, dating can be one of the most effective tools for your growth, both as a person and in your relationships.
The journey to your soulmate is one of becoming your highest and best self. Commit to learning and growing and being the best version of you. Each person you meet on the path can help you grow and become a better partner.
Are you more able to be authentic when you are not that attracted to your date? Do you twist into a pretzel when you meet someone you’re hot for? Do you ignore red flags and sweep disagreements under the rug?
Embrace dating as a way to learn how to be a better partner. Go on as many dates as possible to learn about yourself and craft a clear vision of the kind of relationship you truly desire.
How do you attract your soulmate when you don’t like dating? Embrace dating as a tool for personal growth.
Focus On Values Over Qualities
You may have been told to make a list of the qualities you desire in an ideal partner. This list focuses on superficial things like appearance, finances, and chemistry, and ignores the important things like if the person you desire values communication and family.
Chemistry is only one ingredient in your soulmate relationship. You will want to be attracted to your partner in order to spend a lifetime together. However, chemistry alone will not get you through the challenges that life will throw your way.
Putting too much importance on chemistry can lead you to date a lot of people who aren’t a match for longevity. Being in partnership with someone who shares your values allows you to find your way back to each other and turn conflict into a deeper connection.
Ideally, you want a partner who gets you, who has your back, and who you can count on no matter what. Whether your partner is over 6’ tall or has dark brown hair and blue eyes isn’t going to help you overcome conflict together.
Getting clear on the dynamic you desire in your intimate relationship is most important. Use dating as a tool to discover if you have shared values over time and if the two of you can navigate through disputes and feel more connected after a disagreement.
How do you attract your soulmate and make love last? Focus on finding a partner who shares your values.
Create A Clear Vision Of What You Desire
Knowing what you do not want and making sure to steer clear of the people who are not a match for you will not allow you to create a soulmate relationship.
It’s unfortunate that most people are clear on what they do not want. No drinkers. No cheaters. No smokers. This is a good strategy for avoiding what you don’t want. But it is a terrible strategy for creating what you really desire.
You can’t manifest by focusing on what you don’t want. You will end up attracting more of what you do not want and end up feeling frustrated and cynical about love.
If you cannot picture what your soulmate relationship looks like, it will be difficult to create it. Get clear on the dynamics of your true soul partnership and create a vivid picture of it in your mind. Then while dating, look for a person who matches the vision you’ve created.
Ultimately, a true soulmate relationship is one where you both choose each other and work together to create a lifetime of love. Your relationship can bring fulfillment to all the parts of your life when you take a more conscious approach to love and dating. Asking, “How do I attract my soulmate?” is a great start.
Are you struggling with any of these steps on your journey to soul level love? Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session so we can review your strategies for soul-satisfying, long-lasting love.
Orna and Matthew Walters are TV’s favorite dating and relationship experts. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.