This week’s question comes from Penny:
Orna and Matthew,
I am writing to you because I really admire you both. I have listened to many of your interviews and I’m clear that I want what you have. I have been on and off again with a guy…and I am clear that I want it to work out between us. I hear you say, “Don’t settle” and I don’t feel like I am, I really love this guy and in my heart I feel he is my soulmate. He recently broke it off with me saying that he needed time to focus on his career and that I was a distraction. I’m giving him space, but I’m not sure what else to do… in a way I feel like I’m waiting for him to realize what we have together. You two say I can have what I want… so how do I get him to see what I see? I really appreciate your help.
Thank you for your question and for sharing with us. We want you to know that we’ve both been where you are so please read all the way through this response as we really do want to support you on your path to love and want you to have the A-ha that will change your life forever.
Ask yourself this question: “If you could have exactly the kind of relationship that is your ideal – everything you ever dreamed of – with someone you have not even met yet… would you still choose the guy you are on/off with? Or would you move forward to actually experience the love that you desire?”
When we say, “Don’t settle,” we mean it. Do not settle for less than your True Heart’s Desire. The challenge is that many of us attach details to that desire that is not at all from your heart, but actually from your head.
Orna was hung-up on a married man for many years. At the time she believed she “loved” him. She only loved him equal to the amount that she loved herself – which is why today we put “love” in quotes. When she raised the level at which she valued herself – and loved herself completely is when Matthew (who had been in her periphery for over a year) called her to connect.
Matthew was always chasing the unavailable woman. The summer before he and Orna connected he dated a woman who was constantly finding something “wrong” with him. When he finally told her, “There’s nothing wrong with me, I am who I am,” and walked away from his old story of chasing love, he did some more inner work around his values in relationship and less than two weeks later at the same networking meeting he had been attending for over a year with Orna – he saw her in a whole new light and reached out to her to connect one-on-one.
These are stories you may have heard us write about and talk about. We are repeating them once again so that you can be clear on the lesson.
The love that you desire is not attached to anyone outside of you. This guy that you are on/off with may or may not be your Beloved. We don’t know. What we do know is that until you change something inside of you, the outside will respond exactly as it has for your entire life.
When we say, “Don’t settle” we mean it, but not in the way most people imagine that we do. Release all the details of who, when, and how… now from that place create a vision of your Ideal Relationship. How will it function? How will you feel? How will your Beloved respond to you? How will the relationship function?
Include everything that you could ever want to have in this Ideal Scenario – no holds barred. Do not be “realistic.” Indulge your creative imagination.
Once you have this vision – lock it into your subconscious by writing it out in detail. Write out an ideal scene by answering this question: What evidence do you need that will let you know you are with your Beloved?
The next several times you interact with this on/off guy – ask yourself, honestly, “Does he match my vision?”
If not, do yourself a favor by releasing him, find the “Golden Nugget” and move on.
What happens is that we make excuses… right? We start believing that love must come to us from this one person or some how its not love.
Please do not do this. Look at this guy as he is right now today – because really all you have is right now today and he may always be exactly like this.
If how he shows up with you today works for you – Fantastic! If not, move on.
Continue this process with every guy that you date, and most importantly be honest with yourself and ask if you treat yourself as you would like your Beloved to treat you. You may need to make some adjustments with how you are with yourself.
As you begin to love yourself at a higher level then the men you match with will also rise to a new level. Right now you are attached to this guy because of how you feel about him – we call this a Your Love Imprint® match. The chemistry you feel for him is from the wound you have about love and relationships.
This chemistry is the opportunity for you to heal the wound by making a new choice. It is very difficult to make this adjustment by simply thinking about it. What is required is not information, but a TRANSFORMATION!
Once you transform Your Love Imprint® you will no longer be attracted to the kind of man who would walk away from what you have together because you will have chosen him from completely different criteria.
If you are ready to heal those wounds and create a plan for lasting love, our 7-module program The Science Of Creating Love™ may be just what you need.
Whether you are currently in a relationship trying to decide if you should stay or go, or you’re stone cold single this in-depth program contains our most powerful processes to create change on the subconscious level.
It’s like having us in your ear walking you through each step. Each module will be delivered to your in-box once a week, and you simply follow along with the audio program (transcript included) and the workbook.
Click here to learn more about The Science of Creating Love™ and discover exactly how to go from where you are to where you want to be – plus you’ll get all the tools for soul-satisfying, long-lasting love.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,