This week’s question comes from Anne:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I love your weekly emails!! I look forward to them every Monday.
I am in the early stages of a relationship (one month to be exact). I am practicing being the “receiver” and allowing him to do the pursuing. So far everything is going well. My question is this – with Christmas next week, what is the protocol for the woman in a new relationship? He has not invited me out yet to celebrate the holidays, but assuming he does, do you think it would be appropriate to give him a friendly card (not lovey-dovey) and maybe a small box of chocolates?
I tend to “over-give” in my relationships and am cognizant of not doing that again with this one, but thought I should acknowledge the holiday in some way. Thoughts?”
Thank you for reading our emails, we appreciate hearing that they are helping you. This is an interesting question and as it is timely with Christmas so close we wanted to answer ASAP.
We suggest that a simple card (not lovey-dovey) is perfect, perhaps an appropriate humorous card. No chocolates! No gift! The reason for this is that it is so early in your relationship that it is important to stand in the role that you desire to keep. Expressing your gratitude for him in a card is perfect, however, if he gives you a card, and no small gift things are out of balance.
As you mention that you tend to over-give, we are suggesting that you pull in the reins on that old behavior. Allow this man to shower you with his love and affection – it is the feminine role to receive (as you mention) so this holiday season really sit back and R-E-C-E-I-V-E!!
All you need to do is acknowledge him and express gratitude. Be sincere and you will see how this really puffs him up as “Your Man.” This early on in dating a man just wants to know that you feel good around him and that you have fun together.
As far as him not having asked you out yet, this relationship is still young and expectations around the holiday season can put a lot of pressure on the two of you. Simply noticing and admitting to yourself the expectations you are carrying may allow you to release them, and step into surrender.
If you were in an exclusive relationship and had been together for a while, then it is entirely appropriate for you to share your expectations with him, however, at this point you’re better off keeping those expectations to yourself, and see what occurs with him driving the relationship.
Leaving the space for him to take the lead leaves you in a place to receive from him and speak your appreciation for him if he steps up. There is no way for you to recover if you give to him more than he gives to you.
Be curious about him and perhaps even ask him how he feels about the holidays in general. You may discover that you two hold similar values around the holidays would be a great way to bond and grow closer.
If you would like to explore even deeper into whether or not the two of you are a good match, we recommend our program, Your Soulmate Blueprint®.
Your Soulmate Blueprint guides you through the process of creating your ideal true soul partnership and helps you to get crystal clear on what you really desire in your relationships!
You can read more about Your Soulmate Blueprint® here.
Love and Abundance,