This week's question comes from Jackie:
Dear Orna and Matthew,
I recently came out of a 4-year relationship in which I felt I had so much and in the end I had to walk away from it, as he never came through with his intentions. I believe he had stopped wanting to try and stayed in the relationship for a period of time before we split, waiting for me to make decision. He moved on very quickly which hurt me even more.
I have been spending so much time trying to heal and deal with my grief, I believe the decision was right and that I will love and be loved again but it is so hard when meeting that person appears hard for me and has been so easy for him.
Can you help me to keep the faith?
We know how hard it can be when a relationship ends because you had so much hope when it began. We want to ease your concerns and let you know you made the right choice when you ended that relationship. Now your job is to end the hope that anything will ever come of it so that you can move on.
The first step is to allow yourself to grieve. Set aside some time, make a playlist of your favorite break-up songs and cry it out. It will only prolong the pain if you resist this step. You are grieving all the lost relationships when you do this and it is important that you allow yourself to feel your feelings.
When you are done grieving you are going to dig into the relationship to find the Golden Nugget. The Golden Nugget answers this question: “Why he came into your life and what he taught you about yourself.” If he is not your soulmate (which he clearly isn’t) then he came into your life to help you grow that much closer to your Beloved.
Your soulmate is waiting for you. He is doing the work to become the man who can commit to you and stick it out when things become difficult (because they will become difficult). Your job is to continue to grow to become the woman who will inspire him to step up his game.
It is easy to become complacent when we are in a relationship, thinking that we don’t have to work to maintain emotional connection and intimacy. Even the best relationships require a commitment to show up each day and choose love.
When you choose love, you don’t blame your partner. When you choose love, you don’t withhold love in a conflict. When you choose love, you focus on what is good and positive in the relationship.
Healthy, vital relationships don’t happen by accident. Once you meet your soulmate, you won’t live happily ever after without putting in some effort. You’ll have to overcome disagreements and forgive each other’s shortcomings.
In order to be able to do this when you meet your soulmate, start doing it now with yourself. Do you forgive yourself when you make mistakes? Do you take time to be loving with yourself when you are feeling down? Do you live your life as if you have all that you need to be happy or are you waiting to live fully when your soulmate shows up?
No one makes us happy. We make ourselves happy.
Take the time to discover and remove any blocks to love now so that when he shows up, you’ll be ready. If you want to take the fast track to your Beloved, then join us for our 7 module online program, The Science of Creating Love™.
This in-depth program guides you through the 3 stages of Creating Love on Purpose®.
The first stage is to discover and transform your subconscious blocks to love. During this stage you’ll get clear on your specific patterns that block you from the love you want, and through the process included in the program you will release these old strategies.
The second stage is all about stepping into authenticity and learning how to ask for what you really want and need. Your soulmate does not come with mind reading powers. He will not instinctively know how to make you happy or what it is you want so this phase includes tools for lasting love.
The third and final phase is all about creating your true soul partnership. In this stage you get to craft the qualities that you are looking for in your ideal relationship so you can identify your match out in the world. You even get the tools to manifest this relationship quickly.
If you’re ready to move through your grief and create a new path to love you can get The Science of Creating Love™ here.
Keep us posted on your path to love.