This week's question comes from Connie:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
I am a big fan of yours and I’ve been reading your newsletter for over 3 years. I decided it was my turn to ask you a question.
I really resonate with everything you speak about. I do believe that love is inside of me and that I am a catch. To be completely honest, I know I am a great date, and an awesome girlfriend.
What I want to know is how do you make love last?
I seem to be stuck in good to great monogamous relationships. Most of my relationships last for a few years but for one reason or another they end.
I just turned 47 and I’m starting to think that maybe I do have a broken picker… the relationship doesn’t last. I know there are no guarantees, but how I’m starting to feel confused about what I look for so I don’t find that I’m alone again after spending 2-3 years with someone.
Can you help me?
Thank you for your question and we want to assure you that there isn’t something wrong with you. Most people don’t take the time to learn how to date so that they end up in a soul-satisfying, long-lasting relationship.
There are previous generations who would hang in there, even if they were miserable and that’s why we include soul-satisfying with long-lasting. If it doesn’t feel good the majority of the time, then the length of the relationship is irrelevant.
To attract someone is fairly easy, so we like your question because this is really where we can be the most help in creating positive change for our clients – how to cultivate discernment in the dating process to make a good selection for a lifelong partner.
Most people are dating exactly the same way as they did when they were a teenager!
Dating with discernment is a skill that can be learned and it is really important that what we mean is not a set of “rules” that are the same for all women.
When we work with a client we walk them through a process to create their own set of “Dating Rules” and more importantly, they learn the skill of identifying a good match for them.
Dating like a teenager means that we meet someone and we feel chemistry and then we work really hard trying to make our feelings last.
One thing we can count on is that our feelings shift and change. Moment to moment, day to day how we feel will change.
Thinking about it this way, does it seem a bit silly to you to base who you want to spend your life with on a feeling?
The spark of attraction – chemistry – is certainly a requirement for a relationship, however once the box is checked, there are other things to be looking for in order to identify an ideal match. (These things are unique to each person – it’s not like we can make a list here for you.)
The other thing to consider is that who you have that spark with may not be the kind of person who is a good match for long-lasting love. The soul-satisfying part is missing… that would mean you have the spark with someone who cannot satisfy you for the long term.
You may have heard this saying: Fear and Excitement are the same in the body – that inner dialog is the only difference. This is often said by personal growth experts looking to motivate their clients to change their fear into excitement.
With love, when there is a very high charge on a person, we call that a Your Love Imprint® match.
The signal feels like excitement and the person thinks that this must be their soulmate. Unfortunately, it fizzles out and the person is left dazed and confused as to how it turned out wrong when it FELT so right.
The heightened charge upon meeting is the subconscious mind saying this is FAMILIAR and that signal is misinterpreted as EXCITEMENT.
In order to get your conscious desire and your subconscious programming back in alignment, a transformation is required. This isn't something that will change with the flip of a switch.
Our online program, The Science of Creating Love guides you through this transformation.
Whether you are currently in a relationship trying to decide if you should stay or go, or you’re stone cold single this in-depth 7-module program contains our most powerful processes to create change on the subconscious level.
It’s like having us in your ear walking you through each step. Each module will be delivered to your in-box once a week, and you simply follow along with the audio program (transcript included) and the workbook.
If you’ve always wanted to coach with us but couldn’t afford to, then this is for YOU!
Click Here to learn more about The Science of Creating Love.
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,