This week's question comes from Patricia:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
Your Newsletter is such a blessing to me. You give the best dating advice. Thank you and God bless you for all the great work you do.
My question is how do you move on when you have loved someone for years and he has left me again (the 4th time). I am a forgiving person and always make excuses for his cheating behavior. I am 55 years old and sometimes I feel I cannot find anyone now. Also he was my first boyfriend 30 years ago. After my first husband died, he came back in my life.
Sorry for writing so much but I want you to understand how much I am attached to him.
Thank you for your blessings, we are thrilled to hear that you receive so much benefit from our dating advice blog.
The key to moving on from someone, particularly someone who is not meeting your needs, is about understanding your own VALUE.
When we allow someone to mistreat us (and cheating is a form of mistreatment) we are saying that we don’t count, that we don’t matter.
You seem attached to this man not because of what he brings to you, or the relationship, but from the desire to fulfill an emotional need that you have. Your own emotional needs are to be met by you, not by someone outside of you.
This man is clearly incapable of being faithful to you and yet you have chosen to be forgiving. Forgiveness is a wonderful quality, however, it does not mean that you release all boundaries, or that you don’t have any deal breakers, or that you allow yourself to be treated like a doormat.
Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting the past; it is about letting go of the past. Remember the saying “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me”? Well, you’ve allowed yourself to be fooled 4 times by this man.
It is time for you to look at why you keep allowing this to happen. Ask yourself, “What drives me in relationship?”
What is important that must be included in your ideal partnership? This is not a list of qualities of your partner, this is how the relationship functions and the qualities that must be present in the relationship.
Knowing what you need and want in relationship is key to creating one that is lasting and feels satisfying. Your wants are negotiable, however, needs are not.
Sadly, we have seen too many people who start off wanting a partnership and settle for a relationship – you have settled for even less!
Our beliefs about what is available to us create the reality of what we are able to see and allow in. Changing your beliefs requires dedication, persistence, and the assistance of a professional who can guide you to make necessary changes.
Since you wrote to us we assume that you want to change this pattern. Desire is the first step. Now it is time to take some action and the first action we recommend is that you stand up for yourself and your own worth. Stop making excuses about this man’s behavior and bid him goodbye. Cut him out of your life for good.
When you take a stand like this you begin to take actions that prove that you are worth loving! The most important person to prove this to is YOU!
We want you to know that you ARE worth loving and by a man who can be faithful to you. Take a stand for YOU and you will feel so much better about yourself that you can’t help but attract a higher quality man to you.
If you are ready to take the next step and release this guy for good, you can sign up for a Your Love Imprint® Session with us. During this session we will determine the language of Your Love Imprint® and share with you the best way for you to transform it.
Remember, Your Love Imprint® is the setting on your own personal GPS for Love. It is the system running in your subconscious mind that keeps you stuck repeating old patterns – like desiring a man who can’t be faithful.
If you would like us to determine Your Love Imprint® click here and apply: www.YourLoveImprint.com.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,