This week’s question comes from Pauletta:
“Why is it harder for people who didn’t feel love as children to feel love and trust as adults? Do they ever really overcome the whole thing? If so, what can they do or try to help overcome it?”
This is a very big question and is the basis for the work we do. It all comes from Your Love Imprint™ and how that affects your relationship choices. You didn’t let us know if this question is about you in particular, but we’re going to answer it as if it is about you.
When you were born, you had no blocks to love. A newborn baby is able to give and receive love freely without any conditions. But as you grew, you learned from your family of origin that love is conditional. You learned that you have to be, feel, or act a certain way in order to receive love.
This story we create around love is our Love Imprint. And our Love Imprint becomes the driver in how we choose relationship partners as we grew older. This is what we call accidental love. For the majority of human beings, accidental love is dysfunctional love.
When you’re raised in a family where you don’t feel loved, you develop a belief system that you are unlovable. You were unable to understand that your parents were incapable of giving you the love you need in order to thrive. Instead you took on a belief about your love-ability in order to explain why your parents didn’t give you the love you needed.
In order to remedy this, you must understand that your belief (of being unlovable) is not true.
You are completely worthy of receiving as much love as you desire. However, the belief of your un-love-ability has your subconscious constantly looking for evidence out in the world of its truth.
So, we can imagine that in relationship you are constantly interpreting your partner’s behavior through this belief. What doesn’t seem important to someone else, to you could be the ultimate evidence that your partner doesn’t love you. You mention trust in your question. We imagine that your subconscious doesn’t allow you to fully trust your partner’s actions. Because how could he love you if you are so unlovable?
We know that you can overcome this belief. It takes a lot of work and a dedication to change your subconscious belief system. Start simply with the affirmation, “I am worth loving.” Discover how it feels for you to say that statement. Take loving action towards yourself everyday. Discover your negative inner voice and begin to change it. Transform your negative self talk into positive affirmations.
You also need to take action on your new beliefs. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt for once. Give him a second chance or even a third chance to prove that he loves you. If it turns out that he doesn’t, realize that it is a reflection on who he is, not who you are; and he is simply not the right match for you.
This is a journey and it will take time, but we promise that if you dedicate yourself to loving yourself, you will create the most amazing relationships. We know this to be true, not only because we’ve helped our clients overcome their limiting beliefs to find love, and also because Orna overcame this very belief to be available for Matthew.
Love and Abundance,