This week's question comes from Sandi:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
I really love the dating advice you give and hope, hope, hope that you can help me!
I just seem to be attracted to jerks and I’m sick of it. I’ve stopped dating altogether and have resigned myself to just being alone until I can figure this out.
My ex-husband was just mean to me in so many ways. He’d make fun of me or call me names. He had a nickname for me that was so not nice or sweet or kind! Always complained about my weight, etc.
I finally woke up and got rid of him, but since then all the men I’ve dated reveal themselves to be jerks at some point. They are demeaning, critical, selfish, and don’t seem to really care about me in the long run.
I’d like to believe there are nice guys out there that I actually find attractive but they just seem to want me to take the lead.
Is there such a thing as a nice guy who is also confident and sexy?
We’re here to give you hope and to steer you in the right direction to change your dating patterns for good!
Please know that our goal is to be of service to you, which means we’ll give it to you straight. You asked us, so we’ll start with the bad news: The problem isn’t the men you’re meeting.
Men (just like women) come in all shapes, sizes, personalities, and temperaments. Attractiveness, confidence, sexual appeal are not limited to one kind of man – just as these qualities are not limited to one type of woman.
When a woman has a specific pattern in the type of men she chooses for a relationship, we have to ask ourselves why is this pattern showing up?
We would guess that its safe for us to assume that no one forced you to date men who are jerks. We also dislike the language that says you “attracted” a certain kind of man to you. Let’s cut to the chase here and admit that something inside of you is attracted to men who do not treat you well.
So, it’s time to do a little introspection and take a look at what is it about these men, these “so called jerks” that you find attractive.
Our subconscious mind works through the Law of Association. Basically it takes shortcuts by saying, “This is like that.” This can be a very useful part of our brain because it allows us to make decisions quickly with very little information. Plus we don’t have to learn to do things from scratch each time we do them.
However, when we have a negative pattern, the subconscious works the same way. It can’t judge and decide if the pattern is good and brings us joy, or if the pattern is bad bringing us anger and frustration. Instead the subconscious says this pattern is familiar, so it’ll bring you more of the same.
Looking back at your family of origin can you see the pattern of how you learned to receive love? Is it familiar to the pattern you have experienced in your relationships?
Can you see how you equate confidence and sexiness with a certain kind of man who ultimately doesn’t treat you well, or respect you?
Discovering this pattern and beginning the process of healing it is the journey you’re embarking on. We want to ask you, “Are you ready today to do the deep inner work required to change your subconscious patterns?”
Because reading this blog will hopefully bring you insight into what’s really going on with you, but it won’t create transformation. More information is not the solution to your problem.
The first step on this journey is to intimately know the system running in your subconscious that has you attracted to men who don’t treat you well. We call this system Your Love Imprint®.
Your Love Imprint is made up of your limiting beliefs about love, your mental/emotional patterns, and your behavioral strategies around giving and receiving love.
It is your internal “GPS For Love.” If you don’t do the work to change it, you will continue to end up at the same destination each time. We know from your question that you don’t want that anymore.
If you are ready to begin the process of finally transforming your negative patterns in love, then join us for a Your Love Imprint® Session.
On this powerful call we’ll diagnose your internal GPS for love so you can embark on the journey of transforming what is currently blocking you from all the sexy, confident, men you can count on to treat you like a Queen.
This session is private – as Your Love Imprint® is unique to you.
We are here to be your guides to long-lasting, soul-satisfying love!
Love and Abundance,
P.S. The best part about Your Love Imprint® Session is that you can do this from the comfort of your own home or office. Plus it’s like taking us for a test-drive.