Are you struggling to let go of an ex? Wondering how do you heal a broken heart when all you can think about is how he made you feel and why he left? One of the most painful aspects of any breakup is the fear that you did something to push him away.
Don’t despair! There is a way out of your pain. If you want to know how do you heal a broken heart, then please read on. You don’t have to feel heart broken forever. In fact, a love that is even greater is waiting for you on the other side of your healing journey.
How Do You Heal A Broken Heart? Follow These Steps To Finally Stop Obsessing Over Your Ex And Discover How To Love Again.
Cut Out The Source Of Your Pain
The first step is acknowledging your behaviors that are making things worse. (Here’s the tough-love part that we’re giving you up front.)
The urge to check in on him on social media or to drive by his place to see what he’s doing can become obsessive. Your checking on him may even be exacerbated by him texting or calling to see how you are doing even though he is unwilling to get back together. It feels impossible to not respond when he reaches out.
All of this is keeping the wound in your heart from healing and you’re unable to focus on anything else. Your sleep, your work, and your physical and mental health begin to suffer.
How do you heal a broken heart when you can’t stop thinking about your ex? Start by cutting off all contact. (If you share children then have as minimal contact with him as possible and keep it about logistics and unemotional.)
Block him on all social media. This will deter your urge to check in on him.
Change his name in your phone to “Do Not Answer.” This way you will know what to do when he calls or texts. Set a boundary by letting him know to cease all contact with you. (Even with an Ex that you share children with still change his name in your phone. Let him leave a message so you can decide what to do. There is no need to answer every unplanned call.)
Stop driving by his place, checking his status, or reading over past texts and emails. Your heart is an open wound and any contact is just keeping that wound fresh. It’s like you keep picking off the scab stopping it from being able to heal.
Cutting off all contact is ending the source your pain, and time will allow that scab to form and your heart to heal.
Get Clear On Why You’re Obsessing About Him
One of the biggest myths about romantic love is that there is only one person for you and your job is to find him and keep him. If it doesn’t work out then you failed and there is something wrong with you. You may even begin to believe that lasting love isn’t meant to be for you.
The attachment that you have to him isn’t actually about him. It is an attachment to a feeling that you believe only he is capable of giving you. Your obsession about him is an obsession to get that feeling back.
This is an impossible task.
The truth is these feelings have nothing to do with him. They come from a wounding story that is much older than your relationship with him.
Your attraction to him is based on a subconscious belief that you have about yourself. This wound comes from your childhood and is created in your family of origin. Your attraction to him (and the fact that you can’t stop thinking about him) comes from the part of you that is looking for him to prove to yourself that you are lovable.
If he would take you back then the belief that you are not good enough wouldn’t be true. If he takes you back then maybe you are lovable.
How do you heal a broken heart? Turn the focus away from him and towards healing your childhood wounds.
Understand That You Didn’t Do Anything Wrong
Part of your obsession about him is a belief that you did something wrong to push him away. Maybe you weren’t capable of meeting his needs. Maybe you said or did something that created a wedge between the two of you. Maybe he left you for someone else and you find yourself constantly wondering why he prefers this new stranger to you.
All of these thoughts are not useful and keep you stuck on trying to get him back, attempting to prove to him that you are the right woman for him.
The man who is your soulmate will love you despite whatever conflicts arise, and whatever you may say or do. The relationship that lasts is with someone who is willing to put in the work to get past your differences.
You can’t say or do the wrong thing with the right man.
If it didn’t work out because of something you said or did, then he was not the right man for you. This doesn’t mean that you can treat someone badly and expect him to put up with it. But if you’re basically a good person who is doing her best then that is all that you can expect of yourself.
Conflict will arise in every relationship, and no couple skips the Power Struggle Stage of relationship that comes after the Romance Stage.
Just because you’re not perfect doesn’t mean that you don’t get lasting love. In fact it is your imperfections that make you lovable. They are the things that make you uniquely you.
How do you heal a broken heart? Learn to love ALL the parts of you, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
This requires that you love and accept yourself for not being perfect, and forgive yourself for whatever mistakes you may have made. You cannot release your self-judgment without finding compassion for your humanness.
This is the path to feeling whole and complete all on your own so you can bring in a partner who is well matched for you who is also a whole and complete person.
Let Him Go In Order To Create The Love You Want
The hope that he will change his mind and come back to you can be pretty intoxicating. This hope is that last piece that is keeping your heart longing for him.
You must kill the hope that he will return in order to heal your broken heart.
It may seem harsh, but killing the hope is the key to your healing. Hope is the first thing that enters a relationship. You thought he could be the person to give you the lasting love you’re craving. After a relationship ends, this hope is the last piece to go.
Holding onto the hope keeps you stuck, and as long as you hold onto it your heart will never be free to love again.
How do you heal a broken heart? Let go of any remaining hope and allow yourself to grieve the loss.
To embrace your healing choose to feel all of your feelings. The sadness, the hurt, the anger, maybe even the guilt about what happened. It may seem like these feelings will never cease, but the truth is all emotion is temporary.
Have you ever felt happy and thought that it would last forever? Have you felt this way about joy or bliss? You have an understanding that these positive feelings are temporary and just to enjoy them while they are present.
However, with your pain, you can easily get stuck believing that it will never end. When you allow yourself to feel your feelings, you allow your feelings to flow through you to be replaced by something else.
Like ocean waves crashing to the shore, your emotions wash over you and then recede only to be replaced by another emotion.
Schedule time to grieve and feel the loss. Let it flow through you. Eventually, optimistic and positive feelings will gradually find their way into your days. When this happens you are ready to move forward.
Discover The Key To Creating Something Even Better
Even though the relationship didn’t work out, he showed up in your life for a reason. Discovering why he showed up will give you what you need to create an even better relationship with someone new.
To discover how do you heal from a broken heart you’re looking for The Golden Nugget™, the reason he showed up and what he was here to teach you. You can imagine that life is like a game that is constantly challenging you to become a better version of yourself. People show up in your life to reveal where you can still grow. Painful relationships offer some of the best opportunities for growth if you remain open to it.
Take time to journal about what you learned about yourself, and about intimate relationships from your ex. Some people teach you in the light by being a positive influence on you. Others teach you in the dark by challenging you to no longer accept what is unacceptable.
You know you’ve found The Golden Nugget when you feel grateful for the relationship because of what it taught you about yourself and pointed you in a new direction course-correcting so you can grow toward your beloved.
It is this gratitude that allows you to release any final attachment to your ex. Now that you know what he was here to teach you and you gain the learning, then you don’t need him in your life anymore.
How do you heal a broken heart? Find the gratitude and the growth from your relationships that didn’t work out allowing you to grow into a better version of yourself. Often times the improved you takes better care of herself and has more confidence too.
Get Clear On What You Really Want
Now that you have let him go and are grateful for what he taught you, you can begin to create the vision of your soulmate partnership. Getting clear on the vision is the real key to being able to create it.
Most people Date Backwards™, meaning they go out with a stranger and because of the feelings a stranger inspires in them they believe it is the “right” person. Don’t put your lovability in the hands of a stranger!
Instead, create your ideal relationship by crafting the vision of the dynamic you desire between you and your beloved. Bring the vision into crystal clear focus.
This is not about details of the guy – discard the idea of who he is – instead embrace the vision of how he makes you feel about yourself, and how the two of you relate to one another. You can even include how you move through conflict together.
Instead of allowing your feelings to attach to a stranger you meet on a date, craft the vision of the relationship first and then see which dates are a match to your true desires.
The answer to how do you heal a broken heart is found when you trust that you can love again. Yes, a broken heart is painful and the truth is that when your heart breaks, it breaks open to hold even more love. A lot of that love is meant for you so that you love and accept yourself warts and all.
Healing your broken heart can be messy and it’s perfectly okay to hop and skip around with good days and bad days.
Don’t deny your pain – your feelings are appropriate. Do take time to be patient and loving with yourself because healing is not a straight trajectory.
When you finally accept that your ex isn’t the source of your lovability and that you hold that within yourself, then you are ready to create the soul-satisfying, long-lasting love you desire.
Do you need more help traversing the journey of healing a broken heart? Join us for a complimentary Soulmate Strategy Session and we can get specific with you about what it will take for you to get from where you are to with your beloved.
Orna and Matthew Walters are TV’s favorite dating and relationship experts. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.