This week's question comes from Rebecca:
“Hello Orna and Matthew,
Thanks in advance for taking my question! I believe that I've met my soulmate but I feel confused about whether he's a romantic soulmate or a friend soulmate. We both feel a strong, unique, and romantic connection with one another but when we dated for a couple months last year it just didn't work.
This summer we spent more time together (not being physical at all) and agreed that we both really enjoyed it but when I express what I want (a deep relationship and partnership with someone) he continues to say he doesn't want to be in a romantic relationship with anyone right now. When we're both open and relaxed with one another it feels amazing but then he usually pulls back for several days, which makes me feel unsafe.
Is this a dead-end, unhealthy pattern for me? (I guess it does feel that way.) Should I just be patient with the current situation and see what develops over time? Or should I quit the board (which is something that's really important to me) so that I don't have to see him, or should I just work hard at accepting that he'd make a great friend but not a romantic partner? Or…??
Thank you for writing to us and we believe that we can give you a clear answer that will help you in all of your future relationships. We can do this because the answer is simple.
We’re amazed at how complicated many women make their relationship situations. Mentally pretzel twisting to try to understand his behavior is exhausting. When in truth he has already answered your question – pulling away when things get too close, telling you outright that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now, enjoying time with you but not wanting to be physical… it’s pretty obvious what is going on.
Men are not a mystery. If he wants a relationship with you, he will pursue a relationship with you. If he likes you but doesn’t want a relationship with you, he will continue to spend time with you, sleep with you, etc. but not pursue or move things forward.
You may be a perfect match on paper, have everything in common, have great chemistry, or really like spending time together, but if he isn’t pursuing you (i.e. calling, reaching out to make plans, moving the relationship forward) he does not desire a relationship with you.
We get that you are stuck in a lack mindset believing that this man is a unicorn. The fear that this is your opportunity so you better wait him out, not screw it up, twist into whatever shape you can that doesn’t scare him away.
It’s time to take a stand for what you truly desire and cut off communication with him. He is wasting your time and blocking you from finding a man who is crazy about you and wants you to be his Queen.
By the way, men that you feel a soul connection with who are crazy about you exist. Get him out of the way and you will create space for the right man to show up!
This desire to decide what he may or may not be for you is mental masturbation. The splitting of hairs in the definition of a soulmate is also part of this strategy you seem to have in trying to figure him out. When we refer to a SOULMATE – that references only ROMANTIC love – there is no other kind!
When you have a Soul Connection with a friend – one person does not desire more. It’s simply a soul connection – not what we consider a Soulmate. The romantic component is an essential part of that deep connection.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
What do you think you are getting out of all of this pretzel twisting?
Does it feel familiar to you?
If this pattern feels familiar then it is clearly a Love Imprint pattern. Your Love Imprint® is the system put in place when you were a little girl to feel loved and safe in your family of origin. It is made up of your limiting beliefs, mental/emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies around giving and receiving love.
When you are stuck with a Love Imprint match there is a lot of frustration in the relationship. The relationship doesn’t feel safe, there is a lot of chemistry and a lot of frustration or conflict, ultimately it just doesn’t work.
In order to break yourself from this pattern, the first step is to apply for a Your Love Imprint® Session with us.
During this private session, we will determine the language of your specific block to love and how it is manifesting in your relationships. We will also share with you opportunities for transforming Your Love Imprint®.
We excel at transforming our client’s Love Imprints with cutting edge tools like Neuro-linguistic programming, Hypnosis, Scientific Non-Predictive Palmistry, and Therapeutic Imagery. This vast toolbox allows us to effectively and efficiently create positive change so that our clients can get the love they want – FAST!
If this what you desire, the place to start is with a Your Love Imprint® Session: www.YourLoveImprint.com.
Knowing exactly what is in your way from having love will empower you so you don’t feel like you have to settle for less than what you really desire. No more waiting around for a guy to decide he’s finally ready for you.
Let us share with you exactly how to go from where you are to where you want to be – plus all the tools for soul-satisfying, long-lasting love.
Love and Abundance,