This week's question comes from Tiffany:
“Dear Orna and Matthew,
First let me say I praise God for you both each day! I recently ended a relationship because it had been over, coincidentally I immediately got into another relationship with another man I care a great deal about. He also has just ended an abusive relationship (she was violent, I've seen this for myself). We have both become so connected but he's decided he must take some time to figure out what he wants. I believe that's true and fair, I'm giving him space. He still is very much intertwined with his ex and I am wondering if I should continue to hope, also should I completely not contact, allowing him to only initiate involvement? We were friends and I miss that, am I supposed to ignore that and leave him entirely alone? ??Thank you.”
Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your situation. This is an interesting question because we believe that in your heart you know what the “right” answer is for you…
When we justify someone's behavior we are looking for reasons to not see what is right in front of us. The facts are the facts. If a man is interested in you, he will pursue you – period. If a man is asking for “space” he is telling you everything you need to know.
You ask “…am I supposed to leave him entirely alone?” YES!! When you make a request of someone, is your desire that they honor your request?
The only confusion your feeling is because you desire something in this relationship that is not present… the fact that it is not present means that this is not the right relationship for you right now.
What happens in the future is not what is to guide your choices today, because the future is UNKNOWN. Guide your behavior today based on what is present and factual today.
The one red flag we noticed in your question was “I immediately got into another relationship…” It can be tempting to avoid feeling grief or loss by getting into another relationship quickly. You get that high of being with someone new, the excitement of discovering him and learning about who he is, and the hope of a new relationship.
BUT you never allow yourself time to heal from the last relationship and learn what you need to learn so that you can GROW.
We've met many people who are “addicted to love” and never allow themselves time to be alone.
Give yourself the gift of discovering who you are and what you like without a partner. Go to movies alone. Eat out by yourself. Take yourself on “Inner Child Dates.” Use this time to learn to love yourself and you will be that much more ready for a relationship when the right man comes along.
Also, do yourself the biggest favor you can and DATE! Utilize our DATE TO DISCOVER process so you can uncover what you truly desire in relationship.
You are precious and a gift to those who you choose to shine your light of love. Stop giving to men who do not wish to receive from you. Find those who are willing to step up and be the kind of man that your heart desires and are willing to work for your attention and a spot on your calendar.
Please update us on your dating life, we'd like to hear what our Date To Discover process uncovers for you.
Love and Abundance,