Are you clear on how to date so you’re in service of your relationship goals? No one will fault you if you’re just looking to have a good time, however, how to date is different depending on your reasons for dating. Dating as a social activity is very different than dating when you are serious about finding your beloved.
The problem is many women use their same strategies disregarding their goals and desire for a serious relationship. If you want a true soul partnership, to live alongside your beloved, raise children, and spend a lifetime together then how you date must reflect those goals.
Let’s take a look at some of the differences between casually dating and having fun versus looking for a beloved partnership. It’s essential that you make adjustments to your dating strategies when you are ready to meet your soulmate and create a life together.
How To Date When You’re Serious About Finding Your Beloved
Slow Down The Dating Process
If you want to know how to date differently than your standard patterns the first step is to slow things down. You likely never sat down and took a good look at your usual dating strategies so if you’re ready to get serious about finding your soulmate then this essential step allows you to take inventory of where you currently stand.
There is no problem hooking up with a guy, or quickly deciding to go exclusive if you don’t really want a long-term relationship. But if you want lasting love it is best that you take your time from the very beginning.
Attraction is enough when you’re just looking to have fun, but attraction alone is not enough for love to last. It is only one part of a bigger equation that makes a happy and healthy relationship. Plus, attraction comes from a part of your brain that isn’t looking for the best match for your long-term success, it is only looking for what feels familiar.
You see, your subconscious mind is looking for a match to a love program that was written when you were just a little girl. This program includes your limiting beliefs about love, your mental/emotional patterns, and your behavioral strategies for giving and receiving love.
This program is created from the dynamic in your family of origin and depending on your childhood, may or may not be the most effective strategy for love to last with an ideal partner.
When your subconscious recognizes a familiar pattern, it sends out a signal saying, “This is familiar! This is familiar!” It is easy to confuse what feels familiar with excitement and attraction. Have you noticed that when you feel an intense attraction with a guy that it doesn’t work out? For a time it may feel great, but eventually, you end up without the lasting partnership that you desire.
Slowing things down by postponing physical intimacy and exclusivity so you can gather more information about who he is and what his values are puts you in a position to make better choices about whether or not to continue dating based on the dynamic between the two of you.
Date More Than One Person At A Time
Since you are no longer rushing to exclusivity you can learn a lot more about yourself and a potential partner by dating more than one person at a time.
Knowing how to date more than one man at a time is a skill that you will find very useful. It also opens up the possibility of dating more types of men rather than sticking only to ones you find attractive.
Attraction is not a requirement for a date. It is necessary for a long-term committed relationship.
Dating more than one person at a time allows you to discover a lot about your ability to show up authentically and be yourself when you date men that you have a strong attraction toward as well as men that you don’t.
Simply dating more people over time allows you to track your patterns and course correct so you don’t make the same mistakes and up-level your dating skills. You become better at finding an ideal partner instead of just a short-term hookup.
When you juxtapose the experience of being on a date with someone you’re hot for versus someone you’re just lukewarm about, it will highlight where you can improve on your selection process.
Do you lose yourself and sacrifice your needs and wants when the attraction is intense? Maybe you start pursuing him and twisting into a pretzel to get him to like you?
Noticing the difference in your internal dialog and in your behavior when you’re hot for him versus when you aren’t will give you valuable information about how to avoid the relationship dynamics that never work out for you long-term.
Finding an IDEAL partner is the goal and you only find that out over time. Taking this time up front instead of being on a dating hamster wheel will save you time in the long run.
Speak How You Feel And Make Requests
Do you secretly hope that the right guy will just magically know what you want and need so that you won’t have to tell him? Have you met that extraordinary guy who gets you and is able to read your thoughts?
This unrealistic expectation is wreaking havoc on your love life because no one can read your mind or know what you need and want.
The foundation of soul-satisfying, long-lasting love is communication and it begins from the moment you start having any kind of dialog whether it’s in person or over text.
Discovering how to date successfully for lasting love means that you are able to be authentic by speaking how you feel and making requests.
There isn’t some magical unicorn of a man who will get you and always know how to make you happy. Releasing this fantasy is one of the best things you can do to open yourself up and turn hope into results by learning to express yourself and take responsibility for your own emotional life.
Plus most men are attracted to women who know what they want and ask them for it. A man who is interested in having a relationship with you will want to know how to please you, and a guy who is only interested in something casual will never be converted or convinced that he should marry you.
Speaking how you feel and making requests will also teach you a lot about who he is and his capability of meeting your needs.
Does he get defensive? Perhaps he dismisses your feelings or tries to manage them? Or is he able to hear you and acknowledge your feelings? You won’t know what he is capable of if you don’t speak up.
When you become a master of how to communicate (even when your emotions are heated) you will have the key to create a lasting loving connection with the man who is your ideal match for life.
Don’t Iron Out Conflict
No long-term relationship is without conflict or disagreement. Wouldn’t you want to know if you can navigate conflict with this guy before you give your heart away?
Too many women want to be easy going and ignore possible issues early in the dating process. Don’t be confrontational or disagreeable, but do not iron out conflict when there is something important at stake.
You’ll discover so much about him and his ability to communicate when there is an issue between you. Also, conflict can be a doorway to a deeper connection with him because navigating conflict together is the key to sharing a life together.
When you are authentic through the dating process you will never doubt whether you should stay or go because it will be obvious to you.
Learn how to date someone even when conflicts arise and you’ll learn so much about him and your ability to weather the storms of life with him or if you should jump ship and move on.
Discover If He Shares Your Values
The biggest arguments in marriages have to do with sex, money, and children. Irreconcilable differences are a leading cause of divorce. Knowing that the two of you are on the same page with what is really important will go a long way towards making your relationship last.
If you want to know how to date for lasting love then you need to know that the two of you share similar values before you make a lasting commitment.
You will have differing strategies for coping with life’s challenges. If you share the same values you can work through those differences. If you don’t, then those conflicting strategies can tear you apart.
So how do you discover what he values? You pay attention to where he spends his time, his energy, and his resources. He can say he values family but if he isn’t making an effort to include you in his family or to learn about yours then there is an incongruity that you can’t ignore.
Take time to observe what he values. Share the bigger vision of what you desire in your relationship. Be open to the fact that the two of you may have conflicting strategies.
Lasting love doesn’t have to be something that you stumble into by accident. You can learn how to date in a way that increases your chances of making love last for a lifetime. You have to be willing to approach dating in a new way.
Are you looking for other hidden strategies that you have that are blocking you from the love you desire? Check out our free report, “7 Major Mistakes That Single Women Make That Block Them From Finding True Love … And How To Avoid Them.” We share the massive mistakes that you could be making and give you a new approach to dating and mating.
Orna and Matthew Walters are TV’s favorite dating and relationship experts. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.