Are you tired of playing games when it comes to love? Feel like you’re too old to put up with the emotional drama that you experienced in your youth? You just want to know how to find love and make it last.
The good news is that you can learn how to find love in a new way!
By making a few adjustments in your thinking and in taking new actions, you can transform your frustration into lasting love.
How To Find Love When You’re Too Old To Play Games
People play emotional games in their relationships because they aren’t emotionally aware or mature enough to take responsibility for their behavior. If you feel like you’ve done the work and are ready for something different, then here is a new approach to lasting love that will take all the drama out of your search.
Finding love as a mature adult is different than when you were younger. In your teens and twenties, almost everyone you meet is single and open to new experiences. You meet people in school, through your friends, at parties, or at a job. It seems like there is an endless supply of romantic possibilities.
As you get older more people you meet are married or in a committed relationship. It feels more difficult to meet new single people, and the ones you do meet have baggage from their previous relationships.
You also have more experiences that have clouded your perception of love and relationships. You are clear on what you do not want, but likely don’t believe that you can find what you really desire.
If you want to know how to find love when you’re feeling like lasting romance has passed you by, then you are ready to take a new, more adult approach to love.
Start With An Attitude Adjustment
All of your heartbreaks and frustrations along with your dating horror stories can leave you feeling jaded about the possibility of finding love again. If you want to know how to find love again, then making an attitude adjustment will help.
Love by its nature is limitless. It doesn’t discriminate. There is no higher power deciding that love isn’t in the cards for you.
Start by examining your negative thoughts and feelings about dating and relationships. Get curious with yourself and see if those beliefs are really true, or if they are in place to protect you from getting hurt again.
If you approach every opportunity with a negative inner dialog about how it won’t work out, then you’re going to be predisposed to finding fault. Keep an open mind but stay unattached to any outcome.
See if you are looking for someone to look past your negativity and discover the diamond inside. This is asking a lot of someone else, especially a stranger who doesn’t know you have a heart of gold. Allow yourself to shine your light so that others may see the real authentic you.
By being curious about yourself and in addition, curious about your dates, you create a space for a connection to form.
Let Go Of The Past
In your curiosity about yourself did you discover that you are holding onto past hurts and disappointments? These old emotional wounds are blocking you from finding love.
When you hold onto past wounds you are energetically keeping yourself attached to the past. Maybe you feel regret for the choices you made. Or you’re still feeling hurt because of a past betrayal. The hurt and judgment of the past can cause you to feel more cynical about love.
This cynicism is hard to overcome if you are unwilling to examine the past and release yourself from its hold.
Want to know how to find love despite your past? Develop a regular practice of forgiveness.
Everyone makes mistakes in love because no one gives you a manual about how to do love. Your parents probably weren’t the best examples, and all the movies, books, and songs make love into this thing that just magically happens.
Lasting love doesn’t just happen, it takes some awareness and maturity.
Forgive yourself for your immaturity. Forgive yourself for not knowing any better. Forgive your exes for their mistakes and bad behavior.
Learn From Your Mistakes
As you are doing the work of forgiving yourself and others for mistakes made, also take time to discover what you can learn and grow in your self-awareness, and in your ability to be more present to your life now.
Every negative experience you have is an opportunity to discover more and grow into a better version of yourself. Look for the Golden Nugget that transforms your past mistakes into treasure.
Approach your past relationships as a treasure trove of learning that can teach you to choose better partners, to communicate more clearly what you desire, and to reveal areas where you can become a better person.
If you are looking for how to love again despite your past, then learn from your mistakes and use them as fuel for your growth. When you find the Golden Nugget you will release yourself from the hurts and disappointments of the past, freeing you up to create more love in your future.
Get Clear On What You Really Want
Most people who are struggling to create lasting love are clear on what they do not want but are a bit fuzzy or generic about what they DO want.
Can you create a vision of your ideal relationship? Can you see yourself with your soulmate?
If you can’t see it then you cannot create it. You would never try to find your lost keys by avoiding looking in the places where you know they aren’t. That still leaves you poking around hoping that you stumble upon your keys.
When you look at the list you most likely created of the man you are looking for, notice how many of the items on the list are in reaction to some past experience. Was your ex emotionally unavailable and uncommunicative? Then a good communicator becomes a beacon of what you are looking for now.
The truth is you can’t create the opposite of what you do not want. When you do the inner work to heal and release the past, then the energy on those past experiences is no longer motivating you. This frees you to create from a place of positivity, from the things that excite you and turn you on.
You can’t discover how to find love when you are focusing on what you do not want. Instead, create lasting love by getting clear on what inspires you. Inspiration is motivating and energizing.
Take A New Approach To Dating
If love is magical and accidental then dating is like playing the lottery. You never know what you’ll get and the odds are against you. However, if you take a conscious approach to dating then it can be the best tool for creating lasting love with an ideal partner.
The old approach says that you should just grin and bear it, hoping that you’ll meet someone who fits some items on your desired list so you can give it a go. This is the list that grows longer with every negative experience you have.
When you do find someone acceptable, you leap into exclusivity in hopes that he doesn’t get away. You may even act more like the man in the relationship, using your skills honed in your professional life to shape him into the man of your dreams. Pursuing him, inviting him into your social circle quickly, or even worse into your business.
Want to know how to find love and make it last? Stop Dating Backwards™. Slow down the dating process. Date more than one person at a time. Relax into your feminine and allow the cream to rise to the top.
Dating Backwards™ is when you give someone you barely know the benefit of the doubt just because you feel some attraction or hope that this could be “The One.” A relative stranger should not have the power to determine your lovability.
If you meet a man you are attracted to, don’t rush to exclusivity. Take off the rose-colored glasses and see him for who he really is. Hold off on sex until you can have an adult conversation about what it means to you.
Dating like a grown-up means that it is okay to have adult conversations about what you want and need in a relationship. It means that you value being authentic over being easy to get along with. Never sacrifice your authenticity for approval.
Taking this approach allows the men who really want a relationship with you to stand out over the rest.
Lean Into Conflict
You probably learned at some point to pick your battles in your relationships. Or maybe you thought that being easy-going was the key to getting along. If you are avoiding conflict because you are afraid of what will happen, then you are not being authentic in your relationships.
Conflict is natural in intimate relationships. When approached consciously, it can actually create a deeper connection between the two of you.
When you are dating someone, it is important to discover if the two of you can navigate through conflict together. Can the two of you get past your differences and create a deeper connection? Or are you unable to find common ground or understanding? Or worse yet, do you end up with the same kind of person who dismisses how you are feeling rather than taking time to see your point of view?
Don’t brush aside your differences if you really want to know how to find love. Instead use conflict as an opportunity to discover more about the stranger you’ve met, to find out if this is an ideal match for love to last.
Act As If You Already Found Love
How would you go through your day if you knew without a doubt that you and your soulmate are 100% going to meet? What would be different about how you moved through the world?
When you act as if you already have what you are looking for you are more relaxed, confident, and able to be yourself. You don’t take rejection so seriously because you know your soulmate is out there. You don’t hold onto any rejection because it just brings you closer to your goal. If it doesn’t work out with someone your only thought is, “Next!”
It’s time to stop playing games with yourself and your dates and to start getting serious about finding love. Take a more conscious approach to finding love and you’ll not only find the love you desire, but you’ll enjoy the process so much more.
If you are ready to grow the love inside of you and are looking for more tips, tools, and resources on how to find your soulmate, then join our Facebook Group “Common Sense About Love.” In this group, we host special events and you’ll receive exclusive access to us and a supportive community, all devoted to the idea of creating lasting love.
Orna and Matthew Walters are TV’s favorite dating and relationship experts. They uncover subconscious blocks to love so that you can select an ideal partner to share your life with. Follow them on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.