This week's question comes from Susana:
“Hi Orna and Matthew,
Thanks for the opportunity to get your help and advice. My question is: I've done all my work and I have started dating someone totally different and very special. This means I have changed. But how do I keep from going back to my old ways and make sure this relationship lasts?
How exciting! We love to hear when someone in our community has broken old patterns and created a new kind of loving relationship. Brava!
We are here to support your desire to not slip back into those old ways of being in this new relationship.
Here are a few thoughts we have about how to not let your old ways get in the way:
Don’t let your desire of who you want him to be to cloud your awareness of who he really is.
It is important to know that early on in a relationship you are still getting to know someone. Even though you feel all of those good feelings, you still don’t know who this man really is. So don’t put on your rose colored glasses just yet!
We all fall into a pattern of only seeing the best in a person when we feel a strong attraction towards them. It is easy to overlook any behaviors that can become a problem later.
Stow those rose-colored glasses in a drawer and see him for who he really is, not who you want him to be.
Once you are together for a while and have made a deeper commitment to each other, then you can put on the rose colored glasses because at that point, he has earned the benefit of the doubt.
Know deep down inside that you can’t mess this up!
We believe that when we are with our Beloved we can’t screw it up. Even if you fall into your old behaviors, you and your Beloved will find a way through – together! When a relationship fails it is because we are not willing or able to forgive or re-connect.
The ability to repair and forgive when mistakes are made is one of the most important skills in long-lasting love. Your Beloved will be willing to repair and forgive with you.
Forgiving yourself when you make a mistake is part of this skillset too. Just as we are not perfect beings, no relationship is “perfect.”
Learning to create a deeper connection out of conflict is an essential ingredient to make love last.
Be willing to have the uncomfortable conversation.
One of the phrases we hate the most when a couple breaks up is that they “just drifted apart.” As if gravity or some other unseen force caused the couple to break up.
Couples drift apart because they are conflict avoidant and allow emotional distance to develop between them. When you are willing to have the uncomfortable conversation and share how you are feeling, then there is an opportunity to create a deeper connection.
It takes more than a feeling to make love last.
Ultimately what is most important for lasting love is that the two of you are a values match. Feelings will change. You will face challenges together. The ability to overcome those challenges together comes when the two of you value the same things.
Money challenges, disagreements over how to raise children, our strategies when we face stress – these are the opportunities to either create deeper connection or to discover where your values are not in alignment.
Choosing someone who shares your values is as important as all the good feelings you feel when you are with him.
We’ve developed a digital program that guides you to getting clear on what you really value in your intimate relationships.
Your Soulmate Blueprint® reveals to you what really drives you in relationship, giving you the ability to know without a doubt who is an ideal match for you!
This program guides you to discover your Relationship Drivers and to craft your unique blueprint for lasting-love.
Are you ready to discover how to create a relationship values match, you can order Your Soulmate Blueprint® here: www.yoursoulmateblueprint.com
Nothing will be shipped as Your Soulmate Blueprint is 100% digital and you can get started ASAP.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,