This week's question comes from Marni:
“Dearest Orna and Matthew,
How can I shift/release/realign the incredibly painful belief that I am not wanted? I can't believe the pain I feel over this again…
I find that I am deeply triggered by a guy I KNOW IS NOT RIGHT FOR ME when I found out he’s in touch with other women… what makes this even worse is that we are just friends.
Huge appreciation for your dating advice.”
We feel for your aching heart and we want you to know that the charge you have on this guy is not because he is “The One” for you. Your Beloved will be available for you, he will choose you, and he will pursue you.
The world appears as we BELIEVE it to be… so the root of this issue is your own belief of not being wanted, or possibly that you don’t want (love) yourself.
Self-love is the key to creating love with another.
This kind of love is the umbrella over: Love, Approval, and Acceptance. They are all parts of the same whole.
If you are out in the world expecting that some man will magically show up and bestow your lovability upon you – LOOK OUT – as this is a recipe for disaster.
Here are some steps for you to follow:
- Do Not Interact With This Guy. Unfriend, disconnect, block, and in every way possible remove this person from your life. Being friends with someone in the hopes that it will turn romantic is like keeping your heart locked up in prison. You won’t be with him, and he will be a cock-block to any man who might be interested in having a relationship with you.
- Commit To One New Action For Yourself. Do something loving and kind with yourself. Maybe it’s to work with a positive affirmation daily, maybe it’s to look in the mirror each day and say nice things to yourself about yourself for 10-20 min daily, maybe it’s to convert the negative thoughts you say to yourself about yourself to positive ones. Just pick ONE and do it consistently – that means DAILY.
- Take Yourself On An “Inner Child Date” Once A Week. This practice allows you to re-parent yourself and integrate all the parts of you together so you can stop taking care of others at the expense of taking care of yourself.
- Date. Date. Date. Date. We can’t say this one enough. Go on dates. Go on a lot of dates. Whatever is keeping you from dating is an excuse. If you want to connect with your Beloved, the best way to do that is to meet new people. Sign up for an online dating site, or an app, or a speed-dating event. Just do it.
- Hire A Coach… or two. The fastest way to get from where you are to where you want to be is to hire a coach to take you there. Make sure that the coach is living a life you admire, has the kind of relationship you want, and is an expert in their field. Do your due diligence and ask to speak with happy clients of theirs. Most of all pick someone that feels like a stretch. Your coach should feel like you’re reaching for the Top Shelf because that’s what you deserve.
If you think we might be the Soulmate Coaches for you the way to find out for sure is with a Your Love Imprint® Session.
Your Love Imprint is unique to you because it was formed during childhood in your family of origin. It is made up of your limiting beliefs, mental/emotional patterns, and behavioral strategies for giving and receiving love. Knowing Your Love Imprint® allows you to be clear on what is required to transform it so you can create the love you desire.
Apply for a Your Love Imprint® Session here:
During this private session you will have the opportunity to ask us anything and everything. If you’re curious what might happen during the session, check out this video here.
We are here to be your guides to love!
Love and Abundance,