This week’s question comes from Eva:
Dear Orna and Matthew,
First off, I’d like to thank you for what you two do. Every single weekly newsletter I’ve read has enlightened me in a profound way.
These questions pertain to soul mates. I feel so blessed because I have met two so far in this life and we have learned a tremendous amount from each other already. I tried having a relationship with one of them twice and we realized we are in fact soul mates, but we are not destined to be lovers. We still have a very strong bond and nothing is awkward between us. He is a friend I know I will grow old with. It took a lot of time, but I am finally happy with the situation and don’t expect anything more.
As for the second friend whom I believe to be another soul mate… he has been in a committed relationship for four years now and I have known him for about one. The moment I met him, I felt an extremely strong unique connection between us. Of course I try my best to respect that he is in relationship and I never cross the line, but sometimes it hurts that I know we have so very much in common (including our passions, goals, beliefs, values, and future plans). I’m grateful to have him as a friend, but a part of me always feels that we may end up together at some point. He even says he has never met another person so much like himself and he sees that we will accomplish amazing things together. And he’s not all words because we have accomplished a lot already.
I remember a few months ago when him and his girlfriend had broken up. A part of me was sad and concerned for him but another part of me (I hate to admit) saw that it may have been for the best and maybe we will get a chance to become closer given time. During that week, we did become even closer friends. But although there were instances of him showing interest in me, there was nothing strictly romantic implied and I did not want to rush things. Coincidentally, that is when I ended a very toxic unofficial relationship myself. Well, long story short, I kept myself guarded and he ended up getting back together with her. In a way, I felt like I missed my chance.
Since then I’ve been trying to move on and there are often weeks when I don’t think about him once. Yet he revisits my dreams time and time again. And when he does, the day following, he calls me/texts me and bombards me with messages all together… almost as if he subconsciously knew I dreamt about him. It’s a very strange and recurring phenomenon. It truly drives me crazy sometimes and I often wonder if these strong feelings I have for him make such “coincidental things” happen.
‘Moving on’ isn’t exactly easy because in a sense, we’re business partners and help each other with our artistic career paths. He inspires me and enhances my artistic capabilities immensely and he feels like I do the same for him. Endless creativity surrounds us when we work together and I can’t even express in words the joy and spirituality he brings into my life.
A lot more can be said, but my questions are the following: How can I surrender to what is and accept the fact that he is romantically unavailable… even though he is a soul mate and I have an inner knowing that we’re meant to be more than friends?
Also, I know this may be the wrong thing to do. But in dreams, I almost always confess to him how I feel and explain to him that I expect nothing in return because I know his situation. A part of me thinks it may be a good idea to let him know how I’ve been feeling… basically do what I’ve done in these dreams. It may be selfish, but I don’t feel like I can go my entire life without expressing these emotions verbally and directly to him. Unfortunately, if I ever do this, I know I’d have this unhealthy hope of him finally opening his eyes and seeing there is potential for us.
Thank you for your time!
Thank you for your kind words. We have so much appreciation for our community, its people just like you, Eva that allows us the blessing of continuing to be of service.
Let’s start by looking at the phrase “soul mate” and being clear about what it means. For our purposes, we make a distinction between someone who is a “soul mate” and someone we have a “soul contract” with.
People we have a soul contract with come into our lives to teach us and help us grow. This teaching can be played out in the dark. We often end up in relationship with these people and the learning can be difficult and/or full of heartbreak. Orna is clear that she had a soul contract with the man who beat her on New Year’s Eve of 1994. He showed up to teach her how to love and value herself. (Pain is an amazing teacher.)
A soul mate is someone we choose to be in relationship with and who is here to support us in our growth in the light. We can have more than one soul mate in a lifetime.
Here’s where the tough love comes in from us, so we’re going to cut to the core of what we see is the issue. Please do not read past this point unless you’re ready to hear us, and know that everything we share with you comes from wanting the best for you and with love.
This man you’re working with may or may not be a soul mate, however it is clear that he is not available and therefore you need to move on. It seems to us that there is something about this man that triggers Your Love Imprint™ or you wouldn’t be so obsessed with him.
Ask yourself if you have any subconscious beliefs around unavailable men. Do you have a pattern of being attracted to or dating men who are not available for a committed relationship? Do you have any subconscious beliefs about your worthiness in relationship? Do you like to chase rejection? Are there similarities between these two men and their lack of desire to create a long term committed relationship with you?
Are you getting any benefit by being in this fantasy relationship that you wouldn’t get if you were in a real relationship?
Understanding what is driving you to obsess over him will help you begin to break the cycle.
We understand and appreciate how he inspires and enhances your creativity in your work, however, as long as you are holding onto the belief that he is your soul mate and you should be together romantically, you are not available to meet the man who could very well be your soul mate and AVAILABLE!
A man who is truly interested in you will make it very clear to you. He will pursue you. He will call you. It will not be some subtle clue that you have to search for and may miss if you aren’t paying close attention. Its like it will be stamped on his forehead, “I’m hot for you!”
We are concerned about your list of excuses for keeping him in your life. Now is time to cut this guy off. As long as you are connected to him, you will be blocked from creating the love you desire. You sound like an amazing spiritual, creative woman, and you deserve to be with a man who reflects back to you unconditional love rather than the limited version from Your Love Imprint™.
Release this lie that love has to come from this one person. He is not available – period. Cut ties with him and grieve and we can assure you after a time of mourning you will emerge ready to receive the love that is in your heart.
When you are ready to heal those wounds and create a plan for lasting love, our 7-module program The Science Of Creating Love™ may be just what you need.
Wherever you are on your path to love this in-depth program contains our most powerful processes to create change on the subconscious level.
It’s like having us in your ear walking you through each step. Each module will be delivered to your in-box once a week, and you simply follow along with the audio program (transcript included) and the workbook.
Click here to learn more about The Science of Creating Love™ and discover exactly how to go from where you are to where you want to be – plus you’ll get all the tools for soul-satisfying, long-lasting love.
Love and Abundance,