This week's question comes from Traci:
Hello Orna and Matthew,
Thank you in advance for answering my question. I’ve been struggling with this for a while and don’t know what to do.
I have had a tendency to start relationships with unavailable men, so I am trying to stop that, but is there just a point where you have to give up? When you live in a remote area where you are involved in just about every thing you can be and still have no ability to meet anyone, is it just time to give up?
Thanks for reaching out to us and we hear the desperation that you are feeling. It can be hard when it seems like no matter what you do, you can’t meet a good man.
You’re asking us if it’s time to just give up. Unfortunately, we receive some version of this question all too often. Women who live in large cities and remote rural areas all over the world ask us some version of this very same question. They seem to think that where they live is one of the biggest hurdles to finding a good man.
We’ve heard that Los Angeles is a terrible place to meet men who are available for a relationship. We’ve also heard this about London, New York, Chicago, Vancouver, Warsaw, and small towns like Greer in South Carolina, Mittenwald in Germany, Mission Beach in Australia, and rural Tennessee.
We hope you’re getting the point here, where you live is not the problem!
We had a client who lives in a small town in South Carolina who ended up marrying the second guy she met online after we “assigned” her to start dating. He lived about an hour away from her. They’ve been happily married for over 3 years, have a child, and work together.
We had a client in Miami who believed that “all the good ones were taken” – especially in her area. After we removed this limiting belief in her coaching session, she discovered 3 men who lived in her condo complex, each one was single, age appropriate, and attractive to her.
The reason you are having trouble finding available men is that your limiting beliefs are in the way. We call this a “negative hallucination” – not seeing something that is right there.
We all see the world as we BELIEVE it to be.
Most of the women who become our clients received some bad dating advice along the way. Some of them created a list of detailed and specific requirements so that no man could ever match up. Others commit too early, as soon as they feel a mutual attraction they’re getting into an exclusive relationship. Some of them put so much hope into every possible match that they are riding a roller coaster of emotions that leaves them feeling drained and fed up.
If you choose to live the rest of your life being single, do it because you are happy being alone. Choose to do it because you want to, not because you are exhausted and demoralized.
Spend some time reflecting on what your strategies around giving and receiving love are, and then ask yourself if they are working for you or against you.
As you dig into your emotional patterns, limiting beliefs, and sabotaging behaviors, please be kind with yourself. Remember you learned these strategies from others who weren’t very good at love. Most importantly, remember that when you took on these strategies, they served you!
Long-lasting, soul-satisfying love is not instinctual. It is something you learn and continue to strive to be better at.
As human beings we are wired for survival, yet having a great love relationship is not part of that system. In order to have a great love relationship, one must make the jump from merely surviving to THRIVING!
To make that jump more quickly, we recommend our online program The Science of Creating Love™.
Whether you are currently in a relationship trying to decide if you should stay or go, or you’re stone cold single this in-depth 7-module program contains our most powerful processes to create change on the subconscious level.
You came into the world just like every other baby – as the human embodiment of the energy of love. That’s why we say, “Love is your birthright”.
Do not give up hope because the strategies you’ve been using since you were a little girl aren’t working. Instead upgrade new strategies and you’ll find that where you live is just a point of fact, not a block to having the love you want.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,