This week’s question comes from Nita:
Dear Orna and Matthew,
Thank you so much for your honesty and all the wisdom you’re sharing in your newsletter and elsewhere. I’ve learned so much from you. I have also been doing inner child dates after I saw the idea on your website and they are brilliant!
My question for you is about knowing when you’re truly ready to make love a priority in your life. I’ve done a lot of work on releasing the past and I’m proud to say that I’m now at a place where I have taken responsibility for my past relationship experiences and have released the resentment I have felt toward my ex-partners (after all they only reflected back to me what I believed about myself). However, I still don’t feel deserving of love and in fact feel guilty of even being on your mailing list. I really want a great relationship and I’ve put a lot of thought into what that would look like to me, but my life is a mess and I feel really insecure about it. I shy away from any interactions with men that might ‘lead to something’ because I’m scared that I’ll just attract more heartbreak because I don’t truly love myself yet.
Also every time I sign up for dating/love summits and teleseminars (with great hopes at first) my heart quickly sinks because they all start with a variety of ‘you are successful in all other areas of your life but somehow haven’t met the one yet’. I am not successful in any way. Quite frankly, I would be embarrassed to talk to any potential lover about my life as it is at the moment. The message out there seems to be that love is only for successful people. I’m painfully aware that I am not the kind of woman the kind of man I want to have a relationship with would want.
What I’m hoping is that you could advise me on what I need to focus on in order to reach the state of readiness for love. Specifically, do I need to put aside all thoughts of love until I’m in a place where my finances are sorted and I can feel great about myself (even if that takes years)? I’m tired of the push and pull going on in my mind about this, not knowing if I can look for the love I want or not.
Thank you for your heartfelt question. The answer is not so much in whether or not one has to be successful in all other areas before focusing on love, the problem for you is in this sentence: “I’m painfully aware that I am not the kind of woman the kind of man I want to have a relationship with would want.”
As long as you hold this belief it will be very difficult to draw in the kind of man you want because right now you don’t believe you are deserving of him.
There are plenty of unsuccessful people who are in lasting, loving partnerships – they simply believe that they are worth loving.
The notion that one’s finances must be in order BEFORE making love a priority is a very masculine phenomenon. Many men feel they must be able to provide before they can pursue a serious relationship. Different cultures make this more of a priority than others. We traveled to the Caribbean for our Honeymoon where many of the local men want their woman to be large as a symbol that he is providing adequately for her.
Love and money have zero connection except the one’s that we hold in our subconscious mind. Whatever you believe to be true about yourself and your circumstances will create your reality. Your beliefs about love and money are based on decisions you made when you were very young and are intricately entwined inYour Love Imprint®.
Rumi, the 13th century Persian poet, beautifully sums up what we want to share with you, “Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
The notion that you need to have everything else in place before you can make love a priority is false! Actually, we find that our clients receive benefit in all areas of their life – particularly in their career and finances – from the inner shifts that coaching with us creates within them. This is because we are whole beings, and when we release a limiting belief it opens us up to move toward our highest and best self.
Should you do the inner work necessary to release your self-judgment you may find that love shows up before money, or perhaps they come rushing toward you in tandem. The block you have to love is in your belief system – not because you haven’t achieved success in other areas of life.
There is nothing you need to do to be “ready” for love. As you are today – the good, the bad, and the ugly – you are worth loving. Once you believe this than nothing will be in your way from creating a true soul partnership.
Whether you are currently in a relationship trying to decide if you should stay or go, or you’re stone cold single this in-depth 7-module program contains our most powerful processes to create change on the subconscious level.
It’s like having us in your ear walking you through each step. Each module will be delivered to your in-box once a week, and you simply follow along with the audio program (transcript included) and the workbook.
If you’ve always wanted to coach with us but couldn’t afford to, then this is for YOU!
To learn more about The Science of Creating Love™ click here.
We know that love is a birthright wherever you are in life and we are here to be your guides to discovering and experiencing that love.
Love and Abundance,