This week's question comes from Bonnie:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
I love your weekly notes; I look forward to reading them every week. I really think you give the best dating advice. I’m not exactly sure of my question; I have been married and divorced now a long time. I have a successful business that I built from the ground up, yet and I can’t seem to figure things out in my love life.
My friends say I’m too picky and I don’t think that I am… I just don’t want to settle because I’ve been down that road before when I got married rather young and I don’t want to go through another divorce.
I know that I drive myself very hard. I have always done that. I was a straight A student, I graduated summa cum laude from my university. In my marriage I was frustrated that my husband wasn’t the kind of person who wanted to better himself. I thought he just didn’t have the same level of ambition as me, yet he was no slacker so I’m not sure why I couldn’t be satisfied.
I heard you two once on an interview talk about how a person can be blocked by a limiting belief, so maybe that’s the problem. I’m not sure. I just know that I have high standards and I don’t want to end up alone!
We hear your frustration and we want you to know that you are not alone. This is a common struggle that we see with women all around the globe. The qualities that you possess that make you a good career and businesswomen are failing you when it comes to love.
What drives you in your business is the idea of achievement, yet when it comes to love results are intangible.
We are taking a leap here because the issue is not obvious and yet we have strong sense that it’s because you have a desire to be perfect.
Perfectionism only breeds misery and unhappiness!
When we hold an unrealistic high expectation of self we are depriving ourselves of love and acceptance. In a sense you are denying your own humanness.
As each of us is perfectly imperfect you can only find a match in the world if you allow yourself your imperfections.
When we love someone we love what is imperfect about him or her because that illustrates their uniqueness. For example a person’s crooked smile or silly laugh.
Striving to be perfect keeps us disconnected and isolated. In order to create love we must first create connection. However, you can’t create connection with another person unless you are connected to yourself.
When you were a little girl, this strategy of striving to be perfect served you; it got you love, approval, and acceptance. And yet, as an adult, this strategy is only bringing you loneliness and frustration. It is time to create a new strategy for creating love. One that allows you to be as imperfect as the rest of us!
The first step in releasing this perfection strategy is to become aware of how often it shows up. Our digital program The Soulmate Shortcut walks you through the process of identifying all of your strategies and patterns that block you from the love you want, and also how to release them.
This DIY program comes as an eBook PDF and MP3 and a workbook. So as a busy professional you can listen to it in the car or on your smart phone and take it with you on the go.
Join us as part of the human race and accept your imperfections and find your way to creating soul satisfying, long lasting love.
Love and Abundance,
P.S. We can assure you that your Beloved will be human and imperfect too so in order to connect with him it is essential to release this perfection strategy.