This week’s question comes from Patricia:
Hi Orna and Matthew,
Isn’t it more romantic when you meet someone out of the blue and sparks fly? The idea of doing all this work to find my soulmate sounds exhausting!
I would love to know what you have against romance.
Do you really believe that there’s any difference between falling in love and loving someone? If so, what is it?
Thanks for jumping in and giving us a challenge! We’ve heard this a lot and while Creating Love On Purpose® might sound unromantic, just the opposite is true.
Here’s what we know about the accidental, “Whoops! I slipped on a banana peel and I fell in love” story of romantic love:
Falling in love is a chemical high. Studies have shown that in the early stages of attraction our brains produce massive amounts of dopamine, adrenaline, serotonin, and norepinephrine. These chemicals help in the initial bonding process.
This chemical high, while very exciting, does not last forever. It also tends to blur our vision so that we can only see our partner in an idealized light.
Once the chemical high wears off we are left with a flawed human being who often times can’t meet our unrealistic expectations.
This also doesn’t address why you were attracted to this specific person in the first place. We would guess that if you looked at your history of unsuccessful relationships you’d see a pattern. Either in your behavior or in the type of men you are attracted to.
This leads you to hoping that next time you’ll meet the “right” guy and all of this will suddenly become easy.
This is the situation we see everyday when we speak with women all around the globe. There are those who are lucky enough to find their soulmate, and then there are the rest of us. Doesn’t sound so romantic anymore, does it?
Loving someone is a choice.
It’s a choice that comes from knowing what you truly desire in your intimate relationships. It’s a choice that comes from dating with discernment so that you know how to avoid men who aren’t a good match for you, and how to discover the men who are. It’s a choice that comes from knowing what you want and asking for it.
Loving someone is the choice you make when the chemicals wear off.
Loving someone is accepting him as he is, warts and all, and not needing him to change in order for the relationship to last.
Both of these types of love are necessary for long-lasting love. The chemical high of attraction is the promise of what can be when you survive the inevitable power struggle that comes in every relationship. Choosing love is how you create the space for the romance to return.
We don’t believe that you can create long-lasting, soul-satisfying love with someone who you like but don’t feel any chemistry or attraction with. We also don’t think that it is wise to try to make it work with a man who is super hot yet doesn’t fulfill any of your emotional needs.
We know that the man that you find attractive AND is relationship material exists for you. The first step is to let go of the myth that it will just happen and start doing the inner work so that you will be able to recognize him when you meet him.
If you want a system for doing this, we recommend our online program, The Science of Creating Love™. We’ve seen far too many people with good intentions run up against the same roadblocks again and again. That’s why we created this step-by-step process in order to transform your love life.
Our proven The Science of Creating Love™ program will guide you through this process in just 7 weeks, and by the end of it, you will be able to either attract your true soul partner or transform your current relationship into the relationship of your dreams!
You can started with The Science Of Creating Love by clicking here – and it’s 100% digital delivery will allow you to get started right away, even it’s 3:00am.
We are here to be your guides to love.
Love and Abundance,